Hey guys, it’s Carrisa. I’m so thrilled to be guest posting here for Isabel. She’s kind of my favorite internet person. And when she told me this was going to be a week of How To’s… well I knew right away what my contribution would be. Cooking!

Now I myself am a picky eater. My husband is also a bit of a picky eater. My husband also does not like some of the finer things in life like cheese… and noodles. Sometimes I wonder why I even married him. However, there is one food that has teh cheez on it that he will eat. Pizza. Apparently there is something somewhat non offensive about mozzarella. Unless of course your name is lasagna in which case you are #1 on the most offensive foods list. Crazy husband.

So because I can get him to eat pizza, I figured I could get him to eat these lovely gems that my mother used to make for me. So let me introduce to you… Pizza Burgers!

There aren’t a whole lot of ingredients involved here. I like to keep things nice and simple. Now I know what you might be thinking. Is that SPAM??? Um yeah. In my defense this is absolutely the one and only time you will ever find Spam in my kitchen. We do not eat Spam. But for the sake of this recipe, just bear with me. I did not create the recipe, I only share it.
Ok, can we all just agree to be on board with this now? Ok, good. Now go preheat your oven to 350 like a good girl. Or boy. Then get out a skillet and turn the heat to medium high. And also? I am no Pioneer Woman so please excuse my mediocre photos and my not so clean kitchen. I’m a messy cook.

So toss that ground beef into the skillet and cook it up right. You don’t need to add any seasonings to the meat, but you’re more than welcome to if you’d like. I imagine some minced garlic or oregano would be alright.

While the ground beef (or ground turkey, your call) is cooking take that hunk of Spam and introduce it to your cheese grater.

That grater likes to show the Spam who’s boss.

Don’t forget about the skillet. It’s important to remember to stir.

Once that meat is all good and cooked, go ahead and drain it. It’s the right thing to do.

Toss it back in the pan and reduce heat to medium. Then add that wretched Spam. It won’t bite, I promise.

Now add that jar of pizza sauce. Make sure it’s pizza sauce and not pasta sauce. There is a difference you know?

Now add the cheese. Mozzarella of course. About 1.5 cups. Or more if you REALLY like cheese. Which I totally do, but for the sake of my husband I hold back a bit. I would probably even put some parmesan in there if it were up to me, but I don’t really like sleeping on the sofa so I just stick with the mozzarella.

After a couple of minutes it will look like this. This is where I fight the urge to add something wonderful… like maybe some sliced black olives. But again… the thing with the sofa. I really love my wonderful comfy bed. Of course now that I think about it I could totally get away with adding chopped onions to this. Why have I never done that before? You should do that. And let me know how it is. But don’t add peppers. Because I don’t like those. And it is all about me right?

Now where was I? Oh right.

Take a cookie sheet and spread out the hamburger buns. Squeeze as many of them on there as you can. I like to get things done in one batch. That may be why I don’t like baking cookies. Of course I still bake them. They have such a power over me.

Now get out a spoon or one of these handy dandy ice cream scooper. This one is one of those fancy ones from Ikea that cost me a whole $1.49. Try not to be jealous. I have connections.

Scoop the fabulousness onto the buns. Don’t be skimpy.

You could even throw caution to the wind and sprinkle some additional cheese on top. I only did it to these three, out of respect for my husband.

Slide them puppies into the oven and bake them for about 10 minutes. Or maybe 12. Depending on your oven. You’re really just trying to get them nice and toasty. I don’t have a real timer so I use the one on the microwave. Don’t judge me.

When they come out they will look something like this. I probably should have left them in for a couple more minutes to make the buns just a bit toastier. But hey… we were hungry.

Now if you are a normal family you might do something like serve these with some salad. Or some kind of vegetable on the side. But in keeping with tradition, I serve them solo. Just like Mom did.

Don’t those look good? So can we all just agree to look past the fact that they have Spam in them and just give them a try? And if you absolutely just can’t get past the Spam then go ahead and be a traitor and just use some other kind of ham product. But just know that if you do, you are dead to me. I mean it.

Pretty much everyone I’ve ever fed these to has loved them. Of course I usually don’t tell them about the Spam until after they’ve inhaled them. Sometimes I don’t tell them at all. I just call it a secret ingredient. What they know won’t hurt them.*

Well that’s it for my how to post. I thank you all for your time. And I thank Isabel for allowing me the opportunity to share with you all.

Make sure to come back tomorrow to see what Christar has in store for us.

*No Jews were harmed during the making of these pizza burgers. I would never secretly serve pork to a Jew. Just so you know.

I know what you’re thinking, “What is Isabel doing posting today? Isn’t she on vacation this entire week!?” You’re right, I am on vacation this week. But just because I’m away from a computer for over a week spending time with my little family, it doesn’t give me the right to ignore you, my faithful readers.

So while I’m learning more about our Nations Capital and stalking Matt Lauer in front of the NBC Studios, you are going to be spending this week at hola, isabel doing your own kind of learning.

What are you going to be learning about?

Well, thanks to some of my awesome internet buddies there is going to be a different “How-To” post everyday this entire week.

Awesome, I know.

I have asked a few different ladies to each write up a post about something I think they are good at and that I’ve always wanted to learn how to do.

But to start things off, I wanted to write my own How-To post.

There are few things I’m good at. Really good at. In fact, I think there are only two things I’m good at.

The first thing is this:

I make good babies. There is no denying it.

The second thing is I know how to give a good manicure. It’s true. I know a thing, or six, about nail care. I’ve even given advice about it over at the Amalah’s Advice Smackdown.

Not only do I rock at giving my best girlfriends manicures, I even rock at giving myself a French manicure. And today I’m going to show you how you can save money and trips to the salon and give yourself a beautiful French manicure.

Let’s get started.

While I prefer OPI for nail color, I find that Sally Hansen products are just as awesome and a few bucks cheaper. While Sally Hansen doesn’t have the same awesome colors as OPI, we don’t have to worry about that. French manicures aren’t about color.

Step 1: Supplies -

This is the easiest part. While it might cost you a few dollars upfront, it’s good to always have these items on hand.

L-R: Pink French Manicure polish, White Tip polish, top coat, base coat, wooden stick, file, buffer and a paper towel (to keep your work space clean).

Here is the Before shot of my nails. They are already pretty long. But you don’t have to have long nails to have a French manicure. That’s what is so great about a French manicure. It gives the illusion of length.

Start off with clean nails. You don’t want any polish remnants of any previous polish.

The first thing you need to do if file your nails to give them the right shape. Some people, like my grandma, prefer a more rounded nail tip. I prefer it to be a little more square. Either is just fine. It’s totally your preference.

Next you need to buff your nail beds. The nail bed is the part that is actually attached to your finger. I prefer to use a really fine buffer. You don’t want to scratch your nail up, you just want to smooth it out a little.

You want to make sure you wash your hands after this step. You really need to get rid of all the find nail dust that may be on your fingers and nails. Even more importantly, you need to dry your hand throughly. Dry nails make for longer lasting manicures.

Next you need to apply your base coat. No matter what you are doing to your nails, you should always start with a base coat. It will make your color go on smoother and last longer. I’m all about a manicure that lasts more then 2 days.

I personally prefer the Sally Hansen base coat, but when I went to the drug store to pick up supplies I had a $2 off coupon for Loreal. So of course I bought a Loreal base coat (and a new black polish for fall). Awesome.

Make sure that your base coat is applied evenly and without any bubbles. If there are bubbles, it will ruin everything. You also want to make sure that you apply it to the tips of your nails. If you don’t get the tips, your polish will chip more easily.

Next is the hardest part, and the one that I’m sure you all dread the most; the application of the white tip. Before you start on this make sure your base coat is dry. It dries faster then polish, so this won’t take long.

If the white polish seems too thick in the bottle, I roll it around in the palm of my hands. The heat from your body will thin it out and make it perfect for application. I like to make sure my brush is amply loaded on one side. Then I hold my hand as steady as possible and paint, slowly, the white tip on your nail. The length of your nail will determine how low on your nail bed you’ll need to start the white tip. Since my nails are already long, I will just apply the white to the natural white in my nails. If you have short nails, just start where you want to add the faux length.

The key to getting your white tip to look good is patience (and practice). Just go slow and steady. Also remember that you can always take off the polish on a finger you might mess up and start over (just remember to reapply the base coat). I usually get the polish all over my fingers while I’m doing this. I just leave it until the end and then use a Q-tip to clean up the edges.

If you mess up one little part, use your wood stick to gently wipe away any mistakes or clean up the line. This is vital to getting it to look good.

After you’ve applied the white tip on all of your fingers, give it ample time to dry. The white is usually pretty thick and will require more dry time then usual. I like to paint my nails in the evening while watching a movie. That way I just just chill out and give my nails plenty of time to properly dry.

Remember a dry nail is a good nail.

After you are certain your white tips are dry, look over them to make sure they look good. If you notice a few spots where the line isn’t very accurate or where more polish needs to be applied, now is the time to do that.

Don’t fret too much over this part. The pink coat that goes on next is very forgiving and will make your white tips look awesome. I promise.

Again, give the nails time to dry after this step. After your white tips are done, they will look like this:

Next apply the pink color over the top of your entire nail, including the white tip. I like to choose a light, yet shimmery, pink. You could also go with something more natural like a light brown. No matter what you choose, it is vital to put a color over the white tip. It really pulls the French manicure together and makes it look classy.

While giving myself a non-French manicure I always do two coats of paint. But when it’s a French manicure only use one coat of the color. Any more then that will take away from the tip. Trust me on this one.

After you have applied the color coat, sit back, and without touching anything (I mean it) give your nails plenty of time to dry. They don’t have to be all the way dry at this point, but do devote some time to drying.

Next apply your top coat. The proper application of the top coat is very important as it insures that your manicure will last a long time. Make sure you apply it all the way through the tip of your nail where nail chips usually occur.

Only one coat of the top coat is needed. You can get away with using cheaper brand of polish if you use a decent top coat. I personally prefer Sally Hansen’s Super Shiny Top Coat over any other brand. (Hey, I’m loyal.)

After the top coat is applied I usually lay my hands flat on my thighs and just sit there. Very, very still. There is no way I want to risk messing up my nails after all that has gone into making them pretty.

Drying time may be a little longer then with a regular manicure since the polish on your nail tips is extra thick. Sometimes I’ll even just go to bed and place my hand above the covers so they can dry. This can be fatal, so be cautious.

After you are sure your nails are dry, go back with some polish remover and a Q-tip and clean up any mistakes on your actual finger, not your fingernails. Stay away from your actual nails with any type of polish remover.

The very last step is just to gaze at the glorious French manicure that did you all by yourself in the comfort of your own home while watching TV on your couch.

What I love the most about a good French manicure is it’s ability to wear well. Even if it does chip a little, it’s less noticeable then if you were wearing a more prominent color. I mean, this After photo was taken three days after I gave myself the manicure and they still look great, ifIdosaysomyself!

Make sure to tune in tomorrow when we’ll be hearing from the always fabulous Carrisa. I promise you’ll be dazzled with all the guest posts How-To’s this week. I have a lot in store for you.

I know I’ve been talking it up for a while now. But believe you me, this post was worth the wait. Or at least I think it is.

You probably don’t know it but my best friend, May (not her real name) is a very talented designer and illustrator. Very talented. So talented, in fact, that she may or may not do illustrations for the magazine favored by dentists the world over that rhymes with Bighlights.

May is also friends in real life with the beloved DesignMom. They went to college together and are such good friends that DesignMom hired May to do all of her kid’s birth announcements.

For years May has helped me become a better crafter. We’re not talking about the pretty little scrapbooks and pre-made items like that. May is pretty clever and comes up with her own projects. All of which are amazing.

A few years ago when everybody we knew started having kids and we were attending a few baby showers every month, May came up with The Best Baby Shower Gift in the History of the World. Since May is moving away to Reno, I was afraid this talent of hers would move with her. I begged her to show me her ways. She agreed, and this “How-To” post was born.

Let’s turn the time over to my bestest friend, May:

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How To Win the Baby Shower Gift Competition (yes, they’re judging you…)

I like to give unique gifts. If you’ve got lots of cash laying around, there are TONS of great things to buy out there (ever visited designmom? Totally awesome). Alas, I am poor. But I’m not going to let it stop me from being fabulous… And in the spirit of cheap-skates everywhere I now impart my crafting knowledge to you so you can also win that baby shower & amaze your friends, the church ladies, and the mom-to-be with your crafty skillz.

Lots of stores sell awesome onesies with band names for lots of money (Cinder Block, or that embarrassing store in the mall where the goth kids go….Hot Topic, etc.). But if you are willing to spend some time on images.google.com, and can work Photoshop, you can make some rockin’ onesies for only a few bucks. And even if you can’t work Photoshop, I’m going to give you some FREE designs here to cut & paste into your program of choice.

A quick lesson on copyright laws –

Most the stuff you find on the internet is not free game. Someone owns the rights to the images. You can’t just take Jordan Catalano’s picture & start selling millions of onesies dedicated to his hotness, no matter what the market demands. I’m just sayin’, you can’t sell these puppies…

Supplies & My Lengthy Explanation of Said Supplies:

Onesies – I’ve gotten totally awesome onesies at thrift stores before (vintage stripes, hand stiched necklines, etc.) Don’t pay more than $.50/each for them, and obviously wash them well before ironing on…

The “Circo” brand at Target sells a 5-pack for around $10 which are pretty great. I don’t personally like the “Gerber” onesies because they’re just surged on the edges & look slightly ghetto. Ross sells cute striped onesies in a 5-pack for about $8 too. If you’re really into making onesis, you can get them in bulk (and cool colors) from Anvil (for kids T’s) or American Apparel (a tad pricey, but GREAT quality).

Iron On Paper* – My favorite is the Epson brand (it’s cheapest at amazon). But I have an Epson printer. I’ve also had good luck with Office Depot’s generic brand. As long as you follow the directions, they’re all pretty good. And most babies are only wearing them for a few months anyway…

* These directions are for regular iron-on paper, to be used with white or light colored fabric. If you want to do black or dark colors, you’ll need to get different paper & follow the directions.

Ink Jet Printer – I’m pretty sure you need to print them via ink jet. Check your iron on directions to see for sure.

Photoshop – These directions are for Photoshop CS, but you can lay it out in whatever program you want. Just be sure to flip the image so that it prints backwards before you print.

Iron

Wooden Cutting Board

Designing Your Onesie

This is my favorite part. I like to start at images.google.com and type in random 80’s bands, famous body builders, tattoo designs, politicians, etc. (I mean, doesn’t every baby need a shirt with Whitney Houston on it that says, “Crack Is Whack”? Crack IS whack….) Look for medium to large sized files if you can. I am going to look up Jordan Catalano.

-Open Photoshop.

-Once you find your dreamy picture of Jordan, click on the link at the top of images.google.com that says, “See full-size image”.

-Move your mouse a’top the image & right-click. Choose “Copy Image”.

-In Photoshop select File, New File, “OK” (it should automatically be the same size as the image you just copied. Thank you Photoshop!)

-Select Edit, Paste.

-I use the brush tool to white out the background & clean up the image, but it’s up to you.

-If you have a smallish image, change the canvas size to the size you want your image to be (3”x3” is good for a onesie). Go to Image, Canvas Size, (fill in the size you want). Then go to edit, transform, scale to make it fit the canvas size. Hold the “Shift” button while you scale the image to keep the proportions correct.

-If you have a largish image, go to Image, Image Size & cut it down to 3”wide x whatever” tall.

-If the image is bitmapped or grainy- you can add some cool filters. My favorite is the halftone screen:

-Select Image, Mode, Grayscale to make the image black & white.

-Select Filter, Sketch, Halftone pattern & select how far you want to push the pattern. (I usually come back with the brush tool now & take out all the extra dots that showed up in the plain white background when the halftone pattern was applied.)

-Add type, if you want to add some snarky comment. (Of course this is not required. Jordan can stand on his own. We are adding some Tragic Love Friday text. You know, because we can.)

-Select the color you want the type to be from the “Swatches” window -Select the “T” (type) tool.

-When you click the type tool onto your image, the top bar of the photoshop screen will show the type choices & sizes you have. Go at LEAST 20pt size. And go crazy…

-You may need to make your canvas size larger to fit the type. Go back to Image, Canvas Size, and add the inch that you need (and where you’d like it to be added on the image).

-In Photoshop CS you can edit the type after you’ve clicked off it, but it’s a little tricky. It may try to add new type on a different layer. Click DIRECTLY on top of what you’ve already put in & you can select it to change the font & font size.

-Once type is set & happy, flatten the image. Go to the “Layers” window & select the little arrow right underneath the red “x”. Select “Flatten Image”.

-Now we need to flip it so it will print backwards. Go to Select, Select All. Then go to Edit, Transform, Flip Horizontal.

-I try to fill up a whole page with designs before I print so that I don’t waste my valuable iron-on paper printing one little 3” design. I can get up to 10 designs on a page (if some are small).

-To do this, change your canvas size to just slightly smaller than the iron on paper size. Go to Image, Canvas Size, & change to 8×10”.

-Now you can either copy & paste the current design, or start all over & make new ones to add!. Hooray for photoshop!!!

-To copy the same design, use the dotted-square select tool (AKA Rectangular Marquee Tool) from the toolbar & select your image.

-Go to Edit, Copy.

-Go to Edit, Paste.

-Choose the arrow tool (AKA “Move Tool”, right next to the dotted square select tool) to move the pasted image to it’s new home (it usually pastes the new image DIRECTLY on top of the old image, so you have to move it to see that it’s there). Now you are ready to print!!!

-Follow the printing directions that came with your paper (to see how to load it, etc). Just make sure you print on the right side (otherwise it will make a mess on your iron & you will say bad words).

-Once everything is printed, heat up your iron nice & hot. NO STEAM! Lay your onesie out on your handy-dandy cutting board.

-Cut out the designs, leaving a little extra border of plain iron-on paper around all them (otherwise it can smear when you’re ironing) You only need to leave 1/8 – 1/16th of an inch.

-Be careful where you place it, make sure it’s in the middle of the onesie. I know that’s obvious, but it’s amazing how many of mine end up kind of skewed.

-Keep the iron moving so you don’t singe the image or fabric, but make sure it’s TOTALLY ADHERED to the fabric before you stop applying heat. And don’t be afraid to press down hard! It will take longer than you’re expecting. Don’t get scared.

-Make sure it’s totally cooled before you peel the paper off. If the paper is sticking to the image STOP & iron it again. That means it wasn’t ironed on all the way.

-Now peel off the paper.

-Stand back & admire your cute, crafty self. YOU ROCK! This is the big payoff!!!

(Our very awesome Tragic Love Friday inspired design. Which will be hand-delivered to the lovely Frema this week at BlogHer.)

-Prepare to amaze friends & family. I like to get little cotton pants to go with the onesies & make it a complete outfit. I’ve done striped pants with a jolly-roger pirate onesie for a pirate-themed outfit, a flaming AC/DC onesie with bright orange pants, or little baby jeans with random band onesies (as per the mom-to-be’s obsession, be it Battlestar Galactica or Rhett Miller). And since they’re so cheap to make, you can give away 5 at a time without breaking the bank. Hooray!!!

(Some of the stash that May and Isabel put together in preparing for this post.)

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As promised I have a few of May’s designs that she is happy to share with you. They are reversed and ready for your added snarky comments or left as-is.

(For more of May’s FREE designs, visit my flickr page.)

(The King is convinced I should make one of these and send it to Rhett. I don’t know what he would think of it. The word “stalker” comes to mind.)

I can’t wait to see what you come up with.