I am so horrible at coming up with titles. So let’s just call this one “Tuesday Morning”.July 22nd, 2008 @ 5:01 am
I’ve had the same older brother since I was born. I’ve had my same younger brother for twenty eight years. My baby sister? Well, I’ve had her as my sister for almost twenty six years. When I think back to my childhood, there are very few memories that don’t have one of them as my co-star. And if they weren’t staring in one of my memories, they were there as supporting characters or maybe even a member of the choir.
I spent the first twenty five years of my life living within a two hour drive of my parent’s house. I never went more then a week without seeing some member of my family. When my older brother moved three hours away to go to college, I would drive out to see him once a month.
I wouldn’t say that my siblings and I were particular close, but we were around each other a lot. Especially since both my parents worked full time and the older siblings (me) had to babysit the younger ones. A lot.
As a teenager I don’t think I could have imagined a time when my siblings wouldn’t play a major role in my life. They were just around and I assumed they would always be there.
I’m thirty three now. I talk to my sister on the phone, probably, every other day. We e-mail numerous times during the day. While we have nothing at all in common, she’s one of my closets friends. I talk to my younger brother on the phone every few months. It’s not that we don’t like each other. I think we don’t talk more simply because he’s a boy and I’m a girl. When I do talk to him I love it. But neither one of us makes the effort to talk more. My older brother lives 4 blocks from our new house. It takes less then five minutes to walk to his apartment. I’ve seen him twice in the last year.
When I stop to think about this I get sad. How can these people who played such a major role in my life make only sporadic guest appearances now that we’re older? Is it because they are the one who know my secrets? Do I not talk to my younger brother more often because he’s one of the few who can remember all my slimy boyfriends? Do I distance myself from my older brother because he knew me when overalls were the crowing moment in fashion?
My dad is one of nine siblings. He’s one of the older siblings, so when his mom died he and my mom ended up with five of his younger siblings. They raised the two youngest brothers from the time they were eleven. While they were all born in West Virginia eight of the nine siblings live in Utah.
And yet, there are some of my dad’s siblings that I’ve never even met. I wouldn’t recognize most of them if I passed them on the street. I might be able to name most of my cousins, but I’d never be able to pick them out of a line up if my life depended on it.
My dad’s been trying to get his siblings all together for the past six months. Last Friday five of them met at my parents house. They sat under the tree, eating BBQ and sharing stories most of them had long forgotten. All of them showed up with a few precious pictures from their childhood. Most of the pictures had never been shared. They passed the pictures around while they laughed and cried about the years long gone. My dad scanned every last picture and made a disk for all of them to take home. He’s mailing me my own copy.
I talked to my mom last night about the family reunion. She said it was magical. Some of them hadn’t seen each other in over thirty years. Four of the nine siblings decided not to show up for the reunion. When my mom called one of them earlier in the week to remind him to come, he told my mom he was happy in his life and didn’t feel the need to mess with that. She understood. Another one is too sick and frail to travel. One said she would be there, and then never showed up. And one of them, well, nobody’s heard from him in over ten years. They assume he’s dead, but they don’t know.
I can’t imagine not seeing my brother in over thirty years. I don’t want that. I want Babboo to know the wonderful people that I lived with during my younger days. Heck, I want to know them too.
I guess that means I need to pick up the phone and make more of an effort.
So tell me, what are your thoughts on your relationship with your siblings?
Back in the Day · They're just my family
Amber
said,
July 22, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Hmm. . . well my situation is a little different. I have two half siblings. A brother and a sister. They are both quite a bit older than me. I am kind of close with my sister, but not really. I used to see her once a year (she lives 5 states away) but now we don’t see eachother that much.
My brother I haven’t seen or talked to since I was a sophomore in high school. That is 9 years ago. He does not speak to my dad either.
Audrey
said,
July 22, 2008 at 4:11 pm
My brother and I used to be really close, but we are not so much anymore. This makes me sad, but it is also difficult to spend much time/keep in touch with him these days, for various reasons. I wish we were as close as we used to be, but I doubt we ever will be again. But you never know what the future has in store, right? Who knows what could change over the coming years.
Sally
said,
July 22, 2008 at 4:23 pm
My older brother and I were not close growing up. We were the only two kids until I was thirteen and my parents started taking in foster children. We fought a lot and rarely hung out together. Now, we’re both married, living two doors down from each other and we see each other almost every day. He has babysat my kids more than anyone else and is expecting his own set of twins in a few weeks. I never thought we would grow up to be friends, but we did.
Danielle
said,
July 22, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I still keep in touch with my ex-husband’s family. Just because I divorced him doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve divorced his whole family (maybe things would be different if I didn’t have a child). Just this last weekend, I met up with my ex-brother-in-law so that T could see his uncle and auntie. Sometimes my ex’s dad will call me to say hi. The fact that they still think of me makes me feel good.
Danielle
said,
July 22, 2008 at 4:29 pm
oops I meant to add that I don’t have any siblings - which is maybe why I have developed a closer relationship with my siblings-in-law (or ex… as the case may be)
Jezer
said,
July 22, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I love my brother fiercely. Yet, we talk on the telephone maaaaybe twice a year, and see each other even less. He’s in NYC and I’m in Texas, and we’re both very wrapped up in our own lives.
But.
When we get together it is a grand time. We remind each other of events from our (twisted) childhood that make us both double over with laughter. Our shared history is important, because we confirm to one another that we didn’t imagine all the craziness that went on in our house and our small town.
We love each other very much. But we’re not exactly close friends because despite our shared DNA, we’re very very different.
Nic
said,
July 22, 2008 at 5:04 pm
The truth? I have one full brother. We were not raised to like each other. Would I like to have a relationship? Yes, but we’re extremely different people with different values.
Kristen M.
said,
July 22, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I am the oldest of six and the only one not living in the Los Angeles area which makes me sad but I think I would be more sad trying to raise a kid in CA. Most of the time we are all close (there’s one who is getting the cold shoulder right now for making some really terrible decisions in her life) and I try to see them as much as possible. My youngest sister has been coming up to WA every summer to visit since she was 10 (11 years ago) and I see the others every year or two. The best thing that keeps us all close is the internet. We all use Facebook and IMs. We have websites with pictures of the kids and we try and video conference on Christmas. We may go years without seeing each other in person but we are never out of each other’s thoughts.
Kim
said,
July 22, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I can’t imagine not seeing my brother for so long. He’s been in Iraq since January, and the last time I saw him was at my girls’ funerals. Sadly, if they hadn’t died, I wouldn’t have been able to see him before he left for overseas.
He calls me and emails me as much as he can while he’s over there, even if it’s just to say “hey, how’s it going?”
He and I already have plans to get together after he gets back in January. I miss him every day.
Stephanie
said,
July 22, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I am very close to a sister that lives about 2 hours away. We email and talk on the phone usually one to two times a week. I spent all day Saturday with her, my neice and nephew, my mom and my brother. She is 6 years older than me. We struggled with a good relationship until I was about 21. Now, she is definitely my best friend. I sent her a card today thanking her for spending the weekend together. I think one of the reasons that our relationship works is because she and I both feel like the relationship is important.
I have detailed my middle sister and i’s relationship before. Pretty much non existant.
Can I tell you that the easiest relationship is my relationship with my seven year old brother? August 9th we are having a brother/sister weekend that involves pizza, ice cream and chicken nuggets. His choice!
Laurel
said,
July 22, 2008 at 7:25 pm
My sister and I are very close, but we’re both girls and we’re only two years apart. I think it’s pretty typical to be close under those circumstances - it’s easy! AS’s family is not NOT close, but having more siblings and a mix of genders really does change the dynamic.
simply anonyMOM
said,
July 22, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I am the third of six. I left home at 17 and have not returned since. I talk to my older brother 34 times a year. I talk to my older sister at Christmas time. I email my next brothers wife on a nearly weekly basis, but I can not recall the last time I talked to him. My youngest brother and sister I have not seen or heard from in 4 or more years.
I talk to my mom maybe once a month if she is lucky. I went a few years with no contact at all. I email my dad a few times a month.
I have a 4 yr old and a 3 year old and my parents have only seen my children one or two times.
My parents are extremely close with my other siblings and they all see eachother and talk to eachother more often. I live in a different state from my family, but us 6 kids live in 4 states.
I am often jealous of my husband and his closeness with his parents. They live about 15 or so miles away and he talks to them daily. They are active in my childrens lives.
Rhi
said,
July 22, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Oh dear. I have a half brother who is so much the complete opposite of me, we may as well not even be related. And, he smells funny.
janet
said,
July 23, 2008 at 3:24 am
as you know, I adore my little sis. But we don’t see each other enough. One day, maybe!
can you imaging having 8 siblings….that would be a serious cell phone bill!
Maria
said,
July 23, 2008 at 8:35 am
I am so surprised to hear that there are others who are not close to their siblings. I am completely estranged from most of my family, and always feel like I am the only one in that situation. I have monthly contact with my middle brother, but that has only been since 2006, but I am happy to have him in my life. I do not speak with my other two brothers or my sister at all.
I would love to have one of those fabulous families like in the movies or TV, but it just isn’t going to happen.
liz
said,
July 24, 2008 at 7:15 pm
my father is the youngest of five boys. in all, there are 22 cousins, of which i am the youngest. i’ve only ever met two of my cousins and two of my uncles. the rest? i could be sitting next to them on the subway or walk past them on the street and i’d have NO IDEA.
which is why we’re so excited for our kids to be close in age and geography with their cousins. (did i mention? OUR KIDS ARE GOING TO HAVE COUSINS!)
Sugar & Ice
said,
July 24, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I have one brother, and I’d say we’re pretty close. We fought like cats and dogs as kids, but we got past that years ago. He was my honor attendant in my wedding, and I was his. He’s been in sem.inary in NC for the past four years, and it’s been a little weird only seeing him a couple times per year. We don’t talk on the phone too much…maybe once a month. He graduates in Dec. and will be up for a yearlong stint in Ir.aq as an Ar.my cha.plain, but after that I hope they move back to TN and I get to see him more. I really do think the sibling bond is really special.