In which my married friend gets a crush on my gay older brotherMay 27th, 2008 @ 7:01 am
Remember when you were in junior high and you started to realize that your best friend’s older brother was a hottie? (Or like my sister used to say “a hottie, hottie with a naughty body”.) He would come home from a day spent at the high school, all dressed to kill in his Levi’s and his letterman’s jacket. He had a driver’s license and a budding nicotine habit. (I love how I’m picturing this set in the 1950’s.) You begin to dress a little better when you went over to your best friend’s house after school. You stop wearing your Princess pajamas and using your Barbie sleeping bag for sleepovers, just in case the older brother happened to walk in while you were sleeping. Heaven forbid he find out you still loved Barbie’s.
Okay, so this never happened to me. Not because my best friend’s brother wasn’t a hottie, but mostly because he was younger then I was. (Hooking up with your best friend’s little brother is usually frowned upon. At least where I’m from.)
And, as I recall, none of my friends were hot for my older brother. I’m not sure if it was because he was over weight, or because he wasn’t very “cool”, or because we were all pretty sure he was gay.
Either way, none of my friends ever tried to hook up with my older brother.*
(Or my little brother. Phew.)
A couple of years ago Martie, a good friend of mine, informed me that she was going to the same gym as my older brother. She had briefly met him year prior and had remembered what he looked like. Apparently, he didn’t recognize her as a friend of his sister. Every time I’ve seen Martie since she’s gone to this gym she informs me what my older brother is up to. You know, what he’s wearing (super short shorts) or how he’s wearing his hair now (bald), or what his physic is like (lean and in shape). Blah, blah, blah, I don’t really care. But you know, Martie’s like to keep me up to date, so I let her.
Monday night, while in the middle of a Girl’s Night Out with ten of my closest friends Martie begins to give me the play-by-play on how my older brother is looking these days.
After she finished, she paused and informed me (and the rest of our table); “I have a huge crush on your older brother. He’s so cute!”
All the ladies started to giggle. And then they all turned to look at me. I didn’t know what to say, so I just laughed along with the group and agreed with Martie that my older brother is a handsome man. (He must agree that he’s handsome!) But really, I was grossed out. Totally and completely uncomfortable with this new knowledge. Sure, Martie’s a happily married woman; sure my brother isn’t in the market for happily married woman. But dude, it was like we were instantly transported to junior high. And not really in a good way.
I started to feel like I needed to talk Martie out of liking my older brother. As if she was going to start dating him and I would lose both my friend and my brother to some crazy love affair. And then what would happen after they broke up? Would my brother be mad at me for doubling with Martie’s and her new boyfriend to prom? Would she stop coming over to my house after school, for fear that Biff would be there? Would Martie still even be my friend if they broke up?
And then I silently reminded myself that we are all adults here. And that Martie is about as likely to date my brother as I am to date Rhett Miller.
So tell me, did you ever have a crush on your friend’s hottie, hottie older brother? Or did one of your friends have a crush on your brother?
*In my middle twenties a friend of mine hooked up with my older brother. By then he was thinner, cooler, and still not out of the closet. She was broken hearted that nothing more became of their tryst. Like my friend I wasn’t sure why nothing more became of them. She was a super awesome gal and had a lot to offer my brother. Well, except for a p*nis. Which we later found out was what he was looking for in a girlfriend.
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They're just my family · They're just my friends
Keri
said,
May 27, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I think you need to post a recent pic of your brother here so the interweb can vote on his hott-ness or not!!!
LPW
said,
May 27, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I was a bit boy crazy, so yes I definitely had a crush on my friend’s older brother. Actually, I had crushes on several of my friends’ older brothers. The worst was one of my friends in elementary school who’s brother was a freshman in high school. Man, did I think he was a hottie. **Swoon**
Aardvark
said,
May 27, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Some crushes on older brothers…but none of them turned out gay. Too bad…it makes a great story!
Liza
said,
May 27, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Best. Closing. Ever.
And yes, in 7th & 8th grade, I had a crush on my best friend’s older brother. He was nice enough to me, but that was it. The funny thing that we didn’t learn until at least 10 years later is that I would have had better luck with her older sister.
Loralee
said,
May 27, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Having been engaged to someone that was looking for a p*nis on a girlfriend, I can say that the footnote had me spurting Diet Coke out of my nose.
I never had a crush on any of my girlfriends brothers and I have always felt slightly gypped because of it.
May
said,
May 27, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Awesome post, Isabel. I think Martie shares my love of sensitive boys wearing eyeliner.
May
said,
May 27, 2008 at 8:53 pm
But I DON’T have a crush on your brother.
Chas
said,
May 27, 2008 at 9:11 pm
All of my friends thought my brother was terribly cute/handsome (depending on which stage of life we’re talking about), which he is/was, but he was younger, so he was off limits.
I actually did have a crush on my best friend’s older brother. He was only two year older than us, but we might as well have been pre-schoolers to him. I never even told my friend that I liked her brother. I didn’t want to risk him finding out. Plus, he was a jerk and sort of nerdy, so I’m not really sure why I liked him anyway.
liz
said,
May 27, 2008 at 10:44 pm
that last sentence made me nearly spew my sprite out across the kitchen…
i never really had any crushes on my older brother’s friends. and as far as i know none of my friends had crushes on my brother. to the best of my knowledge. and i think i’ll just leave it at that!
Professor Art Nerd
said,
May 28, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I had a mega-crush on my best friend’s older brother for YEARS. And eventually I did go out with him. It didn’t work out, but it wasn’t catastrophic, just that our schedules didn’t work out (me being an early person, him being a night person). HE. WAS. SO. HOTTTT. Haven’t seen him in a while, it might be a good time to myspace stalk him!
meritt
said,
May 28, 2008 at 3:53 pm
At first I couldn’t think of a single friend that had an older brother I crushed on and then I had an OMGosh moment of slapping myself in the head.
TODD!
Yep. I guess there was one, although ‘officially’ he and I became friends first. Then I became friends with his sister. The feelings went ‘both’ ways though; he crushed on me too. We probably would have gotten together had I not starting another guy that I eventually married. (which I actually blogged about today ironically! LOL).
meritt
said,
May 28, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Crap… wish we could edit our own comments! I meant;
…. We probably would have gotten together had I not ** started dating ** another guy that I eventually married. (which I actually blogged about today ironically! LOL).
Stephanie
said,
May 28, 2008 at 4:18 pm
That is so weird.
And no, I never had a crush on my friends older brother. wait. I did date my friend’s younger brother once. That was tricky.
Laurel
said,
May 28, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I never had a crush on my best friend’s brother, but I was completely fascinated by him. He was a senior (!!!) when we were ninth graders, still stuck in lowly junior high. I remember thinking he and his friends were SO COOL. Looking back on it? They were SUPER NERDS. I’m sure that the admiration of 14-year old girls meant a lot to them.
marci
said,
May 28, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Yeah, I never had a crush on ‘Biff’- deep down inside (or maybe not so deep) I knew about the ‘gayness’. I probably could of had a crush on ‘Jamie’s’ brother ‘Thad’-he was pretty cute. But, way too young.
Call me crazy, but I always kind of thought you had a little crush on my brother, ‘Rock’.
(that’s a great name for him… he would love it!)
HollowSquirrel
said,
May 28, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Of course I crushed on all my friends’ older brothers, because I suffered from the Crazies. Boy Crazies. And the meaner, more indifferent or ugly they were, the better. Cuz i smart.
Steph
said,
May 28, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I almost married my friend’s younger brother actually. He and I are the same age, and although she warned me against him for quite a few months before I ever met him, it was lust at first sight. After everything fell apart, she remained my friend and even though it has been over 5 years since that all went down, she frequently tells me how glad she is that I didn’t marry him. Some find it hard to believe that we are still such good friends, but I guess we all do stupid things at some point. Even if he did fool me into thinking that he loved me, I guess he fooled his sister about it as well.
Heather
said,
May 28, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I hooked up with my best friend’s younger brother and he was HOT. She didn’t care - she hated the guy I had been dating so much that even me corrupting her little brother was preferable!
We stayed friends for a long time after that. Who would have thought?
Heather
Audrey
said,
May 28, 2008 at 10:35 pm
I have had crushes on friends’ brothers before, but I was always too shy/embarrassed to say anything about it to anyone.
I don’t remember any of my friends having crushes on my brother, but I can say that it has always taken me some time to warm up to the women he’s dated and/or married. Must be some protective sister thing.
K
said,
May 30, 2008 at 12:32 pm
My first boyfriend was my best friend’s older brother. It was freshman year of high school and he was a junior. It was short lived though as most relationships are at that age.
Probably some of my friends had a crush on my older brother but he was weird and he didn’t associate with me at all. I don’t think any of my friends ever hooked up with him.
angela
said,
June 2, 2008 at 12:46 am
I can honestly say I never had a crush on a friend’s older brother. I’m not even for sure if any of my friends actually HAD an older brother. And I know for a fact none had crushes on my older bro — he was quite the computer geek in high school. Now that we’re adults it’s much cooler to be a computer geek, but in high school if you start programming computers, you may as well turn in your cool card on the spot.