In which I thought I saw my ex-husband this weekendApril 14th, 2008 @ 7:01 am
While at a the Seattle Green Festival Saturday night I looked around and saw all the different types of people that were there, either as exhibitors or attendees. It was noisy and busy in the Convention Center, and yet I found myself quietly waking around. I stopped to look at a booth showcasing recycled rubber shingles and while reading their display I glanced up and made eye contact with the guy manning the booth.
For a brief second I thought it was my first husband.
He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I wasn’t sure what it was that made me think this stranger was a man I was once married to. Was it his blue eyes? (Did my ex even have blue eyes?) Was it his short, blonde hair? (Did my ex have blonde hair?) Was it the clothes he was wearing? (Was my ex now a hippy?) Was it his age? (Way my ex still 24 years old?)
While I don’t look at every strangers face to see if it’s the ex, I do occasionally walk by someone and, for a second, think it might be him. The people that make me take a double take are usually guys in their early 20’s who resemble what I remember my first husband to look like on our wedding day. In my mind, he looks the same.
This weekend I realized that if I were to run into my ex, I’m not sure I would recognize him. It’s been almost ten years since I’ve laid eyes on him. He’s in his 30’s now. He’s, most likely, all grown up. He’s probably a little heavier and maybe balder. He’d probably be surrounded by different people then when I knew him. He’d probably have different tastes and probably wouldn’t be wearing the same Silver Tab jeans I remember him in. He’d also, probably, be with his new wife.
While I realized that I probably wouldn’t recognize my ex-husband, I also realized that he probably wouldn’t recognize me. While visiting my family a few years ago, I walked past my ex-mother-in-law at the grocery store. She walked right past me. She was either snubbing me, or she didn’t even recognize me.
I was 22 years old when I met my first husband. That was a long time ago. Back then I had short hair. More specifically I had short, blonde hair. I also hadn’t had my adult braces yet, and was walking around with my snaggle teeth. Styles were different then and I didn’t go anywhere without my shirt tucked in and a pair of Dr. Martins on my feet.
My the time our marriage was over, I was 23 years old. Pretty young in the grand scheme of things. I was nowhere near finding my own style or being comfortable in my skin. My hair was back to it’s original color and was a more desirable length. “Friends” was all the rage at this time, as was The Rachel hair cut. I had long, fake nails that were always perfectly manicured. And most importantly, I didn’t wear my glasses yet.
(This picture of me and my siblings was taken minutes after I signed my final divorce papers. It was my mom’s Mother’s Day gift that year.)
I’ve heard of ex’s that have remained in each other’s lives after they’ve divorced. I’ve heard of people that can work through their issues and remain close after they’ve divorced. I don’t think it’s that unusual for an ex to know and be friends with a former spouses new spouse. But for me and my ex, we’re pretty much dead to each other. Our families, while they live within a mile of each other, have no contact with each other. Our siblings are no longer friends with one another. I don’t know my ex’s new wife and he and The King have never been within 10 miles of each other.
But, if by some chance we were to run into each other, I would be happy to smile and say “hello”. I wouldn’t be against catching up with him for a few minutes. But after thinking about this that last weekend, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even recognize him.
It’s been just too long.
And, for me, that’s fine.
So tell me, how different do you look now from your 23 old self?
———————————-
The winner of my free gDiapers give-away is….
…Marilyn over at Slackermama, who said:
Heck ya! I would love to try these out.
I’m currently up to my eyeballs in disposable diapers and am starting to feel a tad guilty about the impact just my family is having on the environment these days. Perhaps this is the answer?
Congratulations to Marilyn (who has a sweet new baby girl), and thanks to the other 100 of you who entered.
Back in the Day · Me
Kim
said,
April 14, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I still see my first ex. We work in the same buildling. We actually got along better after our divorce. We do talk more often now since the accident.
My second ex (Gawd that sounds so trashy) works in this building too. I see him ocassionally here, and of course when he drops off Maddy. Luckily it’s not ugly and we can be nice to each other in front of the child.
I don’t know if I’d have kept in touch with my first ex if we hadn’t had kids.
Stephanie
said,
April 14, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I think I would be awkward and compensate by being overly bright. I mean bright in the sense of overwhelming niceness. Like all bubbly and chatty. And then I would have to go apply some more deoderant because situations like that make me perspire.
Stephanie
said,
April 14, 2008 at 4:42 pm
And I love the belt and docs. GORGEOUS.
Nic
said,
April 14, 2008 at 4:48 pm
You’re so nice. I would probably be looking for signs that he was unhappy or that his new wife hated him or that he’s gained weight or started balding just to make myself feel goof.
Because I’m a bad person.
Rhi
said,
April 14, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Silver Tab jeans. HEE.
Here is 22 Year Old Rhiannon: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rhirhi/2359790469/in/set-72157603451202491/
Thank goodness I was filling my plate in this photo. Because I was damn skinny.
Liz
said,
April 14, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Wait–was the finalization of your divorce or the family portrait your gift to your mother for Mother’s Day?
Also: YAY for Marilyn!
As for my 22-year-old self? I look about the same, except heavier. And if it’s possible, my boobs are bigger. Also, I’m much more pregnanter now that I was then! Oh, and I guess I look more tired and jaded these days, too.
Marilyn
said,
April 14, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Yay for me!
I actually WON SOMETHING. This day will go down in history, mark my words. 
Me at 22-23:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/callistawolf/355057598/in/set-72157594475495181/
How young and cute I was! Alas.
Audrey
said,
April 14, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I once saw my ex boyfriend (significant since it was a long relationship — much longer than it should have been!) a couple of years after we broke up. Rather than say “hello,” I averted my eyes, pretended not to see him, and casually flashed my engagement ring as he walked past. Oh yes I did. I was totally mature like that.
Love the Docs, by the way! I remember when I went to England how excited I was to buy a pair from the Actual Dr. Martens Store in London. Even though I never wear them anymore, I can’t bring myself to move the shoes out of my closet and into the goodwill pile. Too many memories…
Abbie
said,
April 14, 2008 at 5:24 pm
This is fun! I might do a post (and pictures) of my 10 years before and after. My son says I look younger. (The power of makeup)
I’m still friends with most of my exs, but I was never married, our scars don’t run that deep. But if I had an ex husband and it’s been ten years, a part of me would want him to see how fantastic I look and how much better my new hubby looks. Plus I’d probably snicker if the said ex was bald. I’m a very petty individual.
Marriage-101
said,
April 14, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Is it wrong that I still love “The Rachel”? It looks so good on you!
Viviane
said,
April 14, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Well, considering that I am 24 years old, I don’t look too different from my 23 year old self.
But regarding the recognizing the ex thing. That is something I had been thinking about as well, about my ex from seven years ago. Except it is relatively unlikely that I would run into him by chance - he lives in Australia (as far as I know) and I in Europe.
sizzle
said,
April 14, 2008 at 6:23 pm
There are some ex’s I probably wouldn’t recognize, especially from ten years ago but that probably has more to do with the fact that I didn’t date people for very long. Heh.
When I was 23, I was the thinnest I have ever been with short, bleached out blonde Sharon Stone hair and all my clothes were vintage or from the thrift store. One thing remains steadfast though: I still wear Chucks.
Liza
said,
April 14, 2008 at 6:40 pm
At 23, I still had bright yellow dyed blond hair, cut in that mushroom shape where the back was shaved and the top was all one length.
I lived in my black Doc Marten boots, jeans & t-shirts or sweaters. I don’t remember what kind of glasses I had back then.
I think there was an on-again phase with my off-again-on-again ex around then, but I don’t actually remember. We would definitely recognize each other, and in fact, are friends.
Sadie
said,
April 14, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I now live 1500 hundred miles away from my ex-husband, but last weekend I was at the NCAA basketball tournament and had heard he might be there too. I saw soooo many people that I thought were him!!! Turns out he didn’t go (some mutual friends were there and told me) but it was strange. It’s only been 5 years, and I think I probably look the same. I did run into him once with my husband, who is far more attractive. I wondered if it made him feel fat, bald and ugly. Probably it did.
Kayla
said,
April 14, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I turn 23 in 12 days. I’m fairly certain that my hair will be less red by then, seeing as red dye tends to wash out so much more quickly than other dye. But really, other than that, I think I’ll look pretty much the same.
Laurel
said,
April 14, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Ah, the Rachel. Even though it’s run it’s course, I really do think it was a cute style!
I was 23 only three years ago. I suppose the differences are mostly in attitude and lifestyle (see the photo I posted a few weeks ago with the beer shotgunning!). Fortunately, a lot of my friends have grown out of that time with me.
Becky
said,
April 14, 2008 at 7:05 pm
It terrifies me to think of seeing many of my exes (boyfriends, that is). So many of them were losers that it would just be awkward (is that really how you spell that? hm..).
And I love the Jeep pic. That (not so much the blond hair) is how I remember you, you hippie chick you.
Amanda
said,
April 14, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Well seen as though I am still 23 (at least for the next two weeks) I can’t answer your question lol. Good post though - I know that I look completely different now to how I did 5 years ago and if you didn’t know what I looked like as a child you most likely wouldn’t know you were looking at a picture of me (as opposed to my sister who looks almost exactly the same in face shape and all that!) I loved looking at your styles through the years - very interesting and fun!
Christar
said,
April 14, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Shaun’s ex and I get along pretty well and I’m glad. I’m glad we can be mature and nice to one another, and it just makes everything easier on everyone involved, especially Zach. I even pick Zach up from the ex on Fridays, so it’s really nice.
I’ll have to let you know in a year how I am at 23. And then I’ll have to let you know a few years after that how different I am from my 23 self.
Operation Pink Herring
said,
April 14, 2008 at 8:18 pm
If I ran into my ex-boyfriend I’d throw up. No question about it.
Dude, you ROCKED that Rachel cut!
Marci
said,
April 14, 2008 at 8:31 pm
I love all the pictures- you are hott!!!
I would freak out if I saw one of my old boyfriends- I might run the other way if it was a certain one- (you know who!)
Carrie
said,
April 14, 2008 at 8:50 pm
According to the family picture (from what I can see of them), you have a very attractive family! I too was wondering if the divorce or the picture was your mom’s present. LOL. Hopefully in 10 years when I’m 33 I will look better than I do now!
Chas
said,
April 14, 2008 at 9:08 pm
I look pretty much exactly like my 23 year self; it was only five years ago.
Despite the nails and the Rachel haircut, I think you look pretty much the same as well…I think he’d totally recognize you.
jeanie
said,
April 15, 2008 at 12:24 am
I look totally unlike my 23 year old self. But then, it was 15 (cough 16) years ago, so I can blame alzheimers if I can’t really remember.
I think that must have been around the time of George - is it bad that I don’t really know? Had a few boyfriends (luckily no ex-husbands - too smart/quick/fast for them).
I just wonder whether my 23 year old self would recognise me.
Anth
said,
April 15, 2008 at 2:46 am
I look pretty much the same, as that was only 4 years ago for me.
And I totally spaz sometimes when I think I’ve spotted someone unpleasant from my past.
Heart those pics - you gotta love the fashion of the mid-90s!
May
said,
April 15, 2008 at 3:48 am
In my mind I think I still look like I did at 23, but then I see myself in the mirror & think, “Crap, I’m such a MOM.” It’s not cool. But I’m rockin some black jeans today, so that’s something… And it’s probably best that I’m not wearing vintage polyester dresses anymore. Especially in Reno…
And yes, you did work that Rachel cut. And holy cow, your sister was so thin!!!
I have nightmares about running into a certain Ex, but that hasn’t happened. The rest I would be cool with. They were all boyfriends (since I’m still on my first husband), so that makes it easier…
Dugi.
said,
April 15, 2008 at 12:30 pm
i was 23 about 4 months ago and i have a HUGE belly and bigger boobs than i had then. ummhm.
SJ
said,
April 21, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I occasionally see ’someone’ in my town that looks like my ex, but it’s not my ex. I mean I don’t think it is……