In which I get reunited, and it feels so goodMarch 26th, 2008 @ 7:01 am
I love reconnecting with friends from my past. I realize that not everyone would agree with me, but I think it’s quite pleasant. I like hearing what old friends have been up to in the years since we’ve last spoke. I like hearing about where they work, who their married to, any pets or kids they might have, and where they’ve been for the last while.
While it’s fun to see what old friends are up to, it’s especially fun to reminiscent about the good ole days. Marci, my best friend from high school, and I love to get together and talk about the silly things we did in junior high and high school. We admit that some of the things we did were embarrassing, but to us, we only remember that we had a good time. I really do have good memories of my school days.
Marci and I broke-up briefly our senior year and because of this I started to run around more with KT and her group of friends. They were a year older then I was, and so much wiser. There is a big difference between people in high school and people who have graduated. They were only a year older, but it felt like light years.
KT and I have kept in touch over the years. This has been mainly yearly update e-mails and forwards of scanned pictures. KT knew I was married and living in Seattle and I knew she was living with a “friend” in the Midwest and working as an artist. I followed KT’s art career via her website and was impressed with the life she had made for herself.
I had also assumed KT was a lesbian for the last ten years. While none of our mutual friend had ever confirmed this, I was never naive enough to think that her “friend” wasn’t really her “partner”. When I read a few week’s ago on KT’s website that she and her “friend” were trying to adopt a baby I was confident that now was the time to bridge the “are you, or aren’t you?” gap. I sent KT a quick congratulatory e-mail on the pending adoption and told her how happy I was for her and her “partner” on this next step in their lives.
And then I waited to hear back from KT. I waited and I waited and I waited. She didn’t respond to my e-mail and I was nervous.
Hoping I hadn’t offended KT or pressured her into telling me aspects of her life that she wasn’t comfortable sharing, I solicited the advice of my good friend Liza. Liza shared with me her thoughts on the situation and told me to give KT a few more days to respond before I wrote her a “holy crap, I’m sorry I assumed you were gay” e-mail apology.
KT responded to me on Monday. Apparently she had been sick and hadn’t been able to respond to my e-mail. She told me how happy she had been to hear from me. We e-mailed back and forth for most of the day. We talked about the adoption process and her art. She updated me on her family and I told her about mine. Then I told her that I assumed her and her “friend” were actually a couple and how happy I was that she was in a committed relationship with someone she loved. I told her I was truly happy that she was happy. I also told her I hadn’t been surprised to hear that she was a lesbian.
KT wrote me right back and was surprised that I wasn’t surprised. Which, of course, surprised me. In the culture that KT and I were raised in, it’s very uncommon for someone her age to not be married with a million kids. And the fact that she lived with her long-time “friend” was a pretty big give-away. Plus, you know, whatever.
Yesterday afternoon I sneaked into an empty conference room and called KT. And let me tell you, hearing her voice on the other end of the phone transported me back to 1993 instantly. I loved it. We giggled and laughed. We shared stories and swapped memories. We updated each other on friends from the past and promised to e-mail more pictures. We talked, at length, about my gay brother. She tried to shed some light on the situation, but honestly, I don’t think anyone (but him) can. KT asked about Babboo and The King. She told me about her partner and how happy they are together. And we giggled and laughed some more.
(KT and me on my high school graduation day.)
I assured KT I wasn’t the person she had known over ten years ago. I assured her I was more mature and nicer and not such an idiot. KT just laughed and told me that we were all idiots back in our formidable years. She told me she had nothing but fabulous memories of our times together. She told me that I held a special place in her heart.
I’m always so ashamed about what I was like back before I grew up. Not that I did anything bad or was a mean person. I was just a silly teenager. I’m always wanting to go and assure people from my past that I’m much better now. I hadn’t ever really thought that maybe we are all a little ashamed at the kind of person we were during those formidable years. I never really thought that we all had formidable years. I just thought it was me.
Before KT and I hung up the phone we promised to stay in better touch. We swapped home phone numbers with the assurance that we’d call each other more. And you know what, I hope we do. Because, to me, talking on the phone with KT felt just like when we used to sit up in her bedroom and giggle over boys we’d kissed and talk about places we’d like to travel. It made my heart feel good. And that’s a feeling I want to keep.
So tell me, what are your thoughts on reconnecting with old friends? Are you for it or against it?
They're just my friends · Me · Back in the day
Audrey
said,
March 26, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I recently ran into an old acquaintance (not really a friend, as she and I never got along too well) whom I hadn’t seen since high school, and I was a little surprised to see she hadn’t changed a bit. She was the same, fake-smile, fake-friendliness, totally smug, you-know-she’s-taking-mental-notes-on-things-to-say-behind-your-back person I remembered. I know I’ve changed a lot in the last 8 years, and it was strange to see that this person really hadn’t.
There are other friends from my past, though, who I would love to reconnect with. I think it’d be a much more fun situation — a lot like what you and KT have.
Kim
said,
March 26, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I think it’s worth a shot. I’ve had a lot of calls from high school friends and others since high school after my girls’ accident, and I have kept up with some of them. It’s nice to reminisce about the good old days before we were responsible members of society.
FunnyGal KAT
said,
March 26, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I’m big on thinking of someone I used to be friends with and sending them an email out of the blue. I have to admit it’s backfired on me a couple of times (one guy took my getting in touch as an indication I wanted to hook up with him), but it’s always nice to see how people have (or haven’t) changed.
And then we usually fade out of touch again, probably for the same reasons we didn’t keep in touch in the first place. But that’s OK too.
Laurel
said,
March 26, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I am for it, definitely! I think if you want to reconnect with someone from the past to prove something or get closure from some bad incident, it can be messy. But if you still genuinely care about them and want to find out what they’re up to–it can be a lot of fun.
I think as you get older, you shed some friends who are “dead weight.” But you also learn to continue to care about and connect with the people who really are worth the effort.
Kayla
said,
March 26, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Reconnecting has been a little hit and miss with me. Most of the time it’s awesome and fun and I love it. But occasionally I reconnect with someone who has turned out really weird and it taints my memories of them. I probably shouldn’t let who they’ve become ruin who they were for me, but it’s kind of hard. That being said, I won’t let that stop me from searching facebook like crazy for long lost friends. I’ve found people I was tight with in kindergarten! Tell me that’s not the greatest thing ever.
Angela
said,
March 26, 2008 at 6:33 pm
This is why I love facebook–because I am absolutely obsessed with finding out where all of my friends, enemies, and frenemies have ended up in their lives! Although there are a couple of friends that I’ve lost touch with over the years and they haven’t caught on to the social networking thing yet. I wish there was a way that I could track them down, but so far all of my leads have gone cold.
I’m so glad you had such a great experience with you reconnection, and I hope KT’s adoption works out!!
Becky
said,
March 26, 2008 at 7:03 pm
There are only a few people I still wonder about that have gone completely from my life. But this is the problem I have with it: once you establish contact, it becomes tedious in a way to maintain it. At least with some people. I mean, you can only maintain a friendship to a point if all you really have to go on is emails. Once the “this is what I do” part is over for you both, where do you go with the friendship?
But I think its cool you’ve kept up with KT. And I am happy for her that she is adopting & is happy;wherever you can find happiness in this world is great IMO. I like to hear about people like KT; not a person that I was close to particularly, but that I knew & liked because I never had any reason not to like them. I would rather meet up with those people than the ones that I really liked or really didn’t like because it seems like I can take them for who they are now, rather than how I saw them then. I hope that makes sense.
I love your graduation picture. Brings back happy memories. Gotta love red graduation gowns, right?
Christar
said,
March 26, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I love catching up with old friends. I don’t get to see a lot of my close friends from High School a lot. Some are married, some are just busy, etc. One of my friends who I was really close with in High School just got done yesterday with her Chemo Therapy. Her doctors had found a cancerous tumor in her stomach. She’s only 22. I saw her a few weeks ago and didn’t even recognize her. It was hard to see her like that. All our friends are getting together in a few weeks to give her a gift that we’ve all chipped in for and just hang out like old times.
Marriage-101
said,
March 26, 2008 at 7:32 pm
I’ve reconnected with some old school friends via MySpace and for the ones I truly cared about, we’ve been able to rekindle the friendships. We call each other, we hang out and even though we may go thru periods where life gets in the way and we don’t speak as often, they’re still my best friends and I don’t think I’ll ever find better ones my entire life. It’s like that line from Stand By Me: I never had friends like I did when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?
Steph T
said,
March 26, 2008 at 7:45 pm
It’s so funny that you wrote about reconnecting. I just talked to my best friend from college and we haven’t talked in over 10 years. I won’t ramble on about here…you’ll just have to come over and visit my blog tonight when I can post about it.
Chas
said,
March 26, 2008 at 8:21 pm
That’s great! I’m so happy for you to have reconnected with someone from your past!!
I am all for reconnecting with old friends…the more the merrier….not that I really go out of my way to do it, but I’m on MySpace, lol…so I guess there’s gotta be a reason behind that.
Casey
said,
March 26, 2008 at 8:48 pm
This blog was poignant and beautiful. I, too, am aslways ashamed of who I was “way back when” and short of apologizing to everyone I knew back then, I try to be really sweet and nice to everyone now to prove I have matured. A lot of my friends from high school are still friends, whereas I am more of an acquiantance and it bothers me at my core. It is so cool that you guys were able to reconnect.
Keri
said,
March 27, 2008 at 2:45 am
What a thoughtful post. I am happy that you reconnected with KT and hope you continue to stay in touch. I like running into old friends. I like catching up & hearing what people are up to.
Melain
said,
March 27, 2008 at 3:43 am
Are there people who are AGAINST reconnecting with old friends?! I find that strange indeed. I think it’s a hoot. With Myspace, Facebook and blogs, we’re all so accessible to each other, it’s a wonder I haven’t reconnected with EVERYONE from my past! There is definitely a poignant urge to prove to the old high schoolers that I’m no longer a moron, but mostly I just like chatting them up. It’s great. I welcome it any time. (unless we used to date and I look like crap.)
Operation Pink Herring
said,
March 27, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I’m for it… in theory. In practice, I sort of hate seeing people I haven’t talked to in forever. This has something to do with my crushing feelings of inadequacy. My 5-year college reunion is in a couple of weeks and I am dreading it! Deep breaths and A LOT of alcohol should help. I hope.
Rachel
said,
March 27, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I am all for it. When I went to my high school reunion last year I realized how much all of us had changed. People that I knew in high school, but not necessarily friends with were the people that I was able to connect with. Teenagers are usually not nice people, but we realize what’s really important the older we get.
SJ
said,
March 27, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Mid-way through my high school years a good girl friend and I sort of started to drift apart (over boys - gah!) and then jumped on separate paths and ….. that was it. We lost touch. I’ve missed her over the last 15+ years and always think about her. She was special to me and time and time again after not being able to find her anywhere - I just got discouraged and gave up.
A few years went by.
I randomly thought to google her the other day and to my shock I found her! She has a blog! And I can’t tell you how estatic I am over this. We are in the early stages of re-connecting and man, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. And while I don’t know if what we had then is still as special as I remember it - I’m just glad to have her back in my life.
This post was totally emotional for me by the way, I can so relate! I’m glad that you’ve reconnected with your friend too!
Marci
said,
March 27, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I am always nervous to reunite with HS people. I worry that I won’t remember them, or that I was mean to them, whatever. But I also want them to see that I am nicer now, and that I ‘grew up’ to be a better person than I was then.
I am still sad about our break up senior year! Sorry!
Nic
said,
March 27, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I just reconnected with an old friend recently. It was great. In general, I think it’s a good idea, just keep in mind that you may not mesh as well as you once did because you’re both very different people now.
michelle de seattle
said,
March 31, 2008 at 6:30 pm
This post is very poignant for me because there’s a friend I’ve been trying to get in touch with for a while. I’ve been leaving phone messages and emailing him. I found out Saturday that he died June 30th of a brain tumor.
Sometimes the world…