If it’s yellow, let it mellowFebruary 12th, 2008 @ 7:01 am
As mentioned before, my parents house is in the middle of nowhere. Sure, there are neighbors around, but not close enough that you would want to walk to their house.
Instead you would ride your 4-wheeler. Well except that you wouldn’t really go to see your neighbors. You would hate your neighbors because of an incident years ago in which they stole some of your water rights.
What I’m saying is that things are run a little differently there then in downtown Seattle.
The number one difference between my parents house and my city apartment is that my parents have a septic tank. If you don’t know what that is, let me give you a quick explanation.
You know how when you flush your toilet you never have to think about what happens to what you just flushed ever again? Well when you have a septic tank and you flush your toilet you know that it goes into a tank that is buried in your yard. You are reminded of this every time the Septic Man comes to clean out said tank.
The number two (hee-hee, I said number two) difference between my parents house and my house is that their water comes from their well that’s located in their backyard.
So you know what happens when you combine a well and a septic tank? Well, the toilet doesn’t really flush down the stuff that’s just going out to tank your front yard.
It ain’t pretty.
Back when I was younger and living at home we suffered through a few rough months of um… toilet issues. Basically the septic tank wasn’t doing it’s job and was somehow filling up and backing up through the pipes and onto the basement bathroom floor. Basically the bathroom floor would occasionally fill up with our own poop.
And dude, there is nothing worse then the sight and smell of your teenage brothers poop on the floor where you stand barefooted after your shower.
Nothing.
During this time my entire family was forced to use the toilet at our school, work, church or at the local grocery store. During desperate times we could use the toilets at home, just as long as we flushed it all down with the bucket of water that was kept next to the toilet.
(Just thinking about all of this makes me break out and itch all over.)
Thankfully we lived close enough to the hospital where my mom worked that we could easily go there for a quick shower. The hospital permitted us to sneak inside, very early in the morning, and use the shower of an empty hospital room. But since this was my mom’s place of employment and having your entire family of 6 use the shower didn’t look to good on her Yearly Performance Evaluation, we opted to not use the hospital shower that often.
It was Every Man For Himself. All of us had to find our own place to shower.
I choose to ask my closest friend if I could shower up at her house. She was still living at home and I didn’t think anyone there would mind. Truth is, she minded. She didn’t come right out and say it, but I could tell. I only dared shower at her house the one time.
Eventually I started asking other friends if I could sleep over. I told them it was because it was too late to go back to my house, or because it would be fun to have a slumber party. But really, I was using them for their hot running water and soap.
I didn’t care if I lost all my friends in the process, I needed my daily shower. I had to get it anyway I could.
Eventually the septic tank was replaced. It cost my parents a small fortune and our entire front yard was ripped up in the process.
It was worth every penny.
The bathroom issues still run rampant when visiting my folks. You can’t flush a toilet and run a shower at the same time. Heck you can’t run one shower while someone else is in another shower. The King wasn’t raised like this, so it’s extra hard for him. Heck, I’m just glad I’m not showering down the street at the hospital.
When we first arrive there my mom always reminds The King, “When it’s yellow, let it mellow. When it’s brown, flush it down.” After hearing this he’s pretty much ready to board the next plane to Seattle.
And really, can you blame him?
So tell me, do you ever think about what happens to the stuff you flush down the toilet?
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They're just my family · They're just my friends · Back in the day
Operation Pink Herring
said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:18 pm
I too grew up with a septic tank. We knew right where it was buried because the grass over it was extra tall and a very lush green. We knew to walk around the tall, green grass because your foot would sink into the septic-mud up to your ankle if you dared walk over it.
We had a one toilet that was strictly for #1 only. When we forgot to tell a visitor, it wasn’t pretty. (now that toilet is completely defunct and we just keep the door closed and pretend that room doesn’t exist).
Even though our toilets here in The Big City flush wonderfully, we still let it mellow if it’s yellow because we’re hippies.
Rhi
said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:28 pm
A few years ago, I went with, um, 11 girlfriends to Puerto Vallarta on a Bachelorette Party. I was HORRIFIED when one of my roommates (4 gals to a room) asked if we could only flush if we pooped. I agreed, reluctantly, knowing full well I would flush everytime, because, it’s really just my HABIT. But, the few times I went in after the girl who made this rule, I was completely horrified to pee OVER SOMEONE ELSES PEE!
Can’t do it. But, I will say, that in my home town, it was common practice to ask if the house you’re looking at buying is on the city sewer system, or on a septic tank.
Audrey
said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Ewwwwww. Bathroom stuff really grosses me out, and I am so thankful to have never had to deal with a septic tank. And, for the record, I am against the “yellow, mellow” rule.
heels
said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I grew up not only with a septic tank, but also in the middle of the great California drought. Mellowing yellow was the RULE, and it’s really, really hard to break myself of that habit. Luckily, my husband doesn’t mind much. He grew up here, too!
The house we bought is on sewer, though, and I couldn’t be happier. In fact, it was one of the big considerations when deciding where in town we would live.
Liza
said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:38 pm
We have a massive, record-breaking drought here, and have for at least the last 6 months, maybe closer to 10. Sometime last summer, we instituted that rule.
On a funnier note, in my first house, a DC row house, we renovated both bathrooms. Turns out that our downstairs bathroom, added in the early 80s to a closet under the stairs, was built according to what was popularly known in the neighborhood as “crackhead design.” (The first google hits on that search take you to a blogger in that neighborhood.) In this case, it meant that the drain pipe was at an upward angle away from the toilet.
No good can come of that. As you probably imagine.
FunnyGal KAT
said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:55 pm
How I know I’m a bit of a country hick: I know allllll about septic tanks and have even played a game with one. When we had a new septic tank put in (believe me, there’s no way we were going anywhere near a used one!), us kids lined up looking into it and waited to see the pieces of toilet paper my dad was flushing in the house. Yeah, not quite as fun as trying to catch the green on the one traffic light in town, but I guess it didn’t take much to amuse us back then.
Liz
said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:57 pm
We also had a septic tank and there’s nothing worse than a septic tank that backs up on you. Or the smell of the truck that comes to empty the poop out.
Even though we live in Brooklyn, we still subscribe to the If It’s Yellow, Let It Mellow rule. Sometimes out of pure necessity. I pee 6 times a night now, there’s no way I’m flushing each time!
Chas
said,
February 12, 2008 at 10:00 pm
When we moved to our new house, I was a little unhappy to find that it has a septic tank instead of sewer. It’s not in the middle of no where…so I can’t really explain it. We don’t have a well though, so that helps things…I can flush the toilet while someone is showering. There is no lack of water. Despite all that, I do wish they’d run the sewer here…the only good thing about a septic tank is that my water bill is WAY lower.
Mrs. CPA
said,
February 12, 2008 at 11:01 pm
When we still lived in Birmingham, our sewer pipe was about to collapse. Like, we didn’t even walk around on that part of the front yard becuase the terra cotta was practically gone and tree root were all over the place poking pieces of it out. TP would get out there and snake it out. We could only use minimal amounts of toilet paper becuase it would get caught in the roots and back everything up, causing our washing machine to back up into the kitchen or overflow at the drain into the front yard. Since we had this humongous retaining wall too, it would cost TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS to replace. So we just prayed a lot. And walked lightly. When we sold the house we had to pay $5,000 to have it somewhat fixed and we were lucky to get out with that. So yes. I have lived somewhere where you CONSTANTLY think about what is going down the pipes.
It’s one of the things I love about our rental house. We never have to worry about the sewer pipe. Ever. And if something were to happen? It’s not my house! Ha Ha!
KARA!
said,
February 13, 2008 at 12:16 am
No horror stories yet! We are building a new house and we ware going to have a septic tank. Fortunately, we are close enough to the city limits that we will have city water. It makes me kind of nervous because its something I’ve never had to deal with before.
ali
said,
February 13, 2008 at 12:22 am
oh, unfortunately, i know ALL about it…we recently did a book at work called “what happens when you flush?”
HollowSquirrel
said,
February 13, 2008 at 12:36 am
I’m fine with letting yellow mellow at your own house, but I kind of get icked out at other people’s house OR when my mom visits and lets it mellow in the downstairs bathroom. JUST FLUSH, mom.
Erika
said,
February 13, 2008 at 12:58 pm
We had a septic tank. I don’t remember ANY of this except the taller green grass OPH mentioned, and if it was an especially rainy day there was a distinct smell in the yard. I don’t remember not being able to flush/shower at the same time, although I do remember our neighbors wouldn’t flush their toilet paper ACK UCK UGH. I thought the major downside was that we couldn’t have a garbage disposal. I’m going to have to ask my parents. And thank them for protecting me from the fact that a TRUCK came to take away our SHIT.
meritt
said,
February 13, 2008 at 2:20 pm
My best friend and I were just talking about this issue 2 weeks ago. You see, she grew up in a home with 10 kids… 7 of which were female… and they had a septic tank. Do you see where I’m going with this?
I guess they all remember ‘that summer’ when their Dad blew a fuse (a big one) about the septic tank issues. Seems they had a huge tampon talk. LOL.
My parents had the shower/toilet issue in their last house. Actually even if NO water was running anywhere else the shower still only was about as powerful as someone standing there and spitting on you.
No lie. Spitting. On. You. Yeah - we didn’t visit them very often and when we did we couldn’t wait to get home and call first dibs on the shower.
Kim
said,
February 13, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Oh yeah, I grew up in the country and we had the no tampon rule too. So fast-forward 20 years and now I have a house on city sewer. HOWEVER, I still cannot flush tampons or use Charmin because my pipes are old and it will clog up the works. Otherwise, we can shower and flush and everything is fine.
That’s the only drawback to my fantasy house in the middle of the woods surrounded by a moat - that I will have to be on a septic tank again.
Christar
said,
February 13, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I always see those septic tank commercials, but I’m pretty sure we don’t have to deal with one at my house, since we’ve never had a man come out and empty any tank from our backyard. I just always feel so bad for the people in the commercial who had their septic tank overflow into their yard. Just like on Meet the Parents. I don’t know how people could handle that!
The worst toilet problems we’ve had was when Zach was just about 2 I think, and he flushed a whole bar of soap down our toilet. Needless to say, we had to replace our entire toilet because the bar was wedged in the toilet and the Plumber guy couldn’t get it out.
Rachel
said,
February 13, 2008 at 8:08 pm
We didn’t have a septic tank growing up. We had good old fashioned sewers. Thank goodness! Most home inside the city do not have septic tanks. There are some more rural places that do use them. My parents house that they built has one and thankfully, they have never had any problems with it.
debi
said,
February 13, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Sounds alot like home to me. After 17 yrs here I am used to it. Well except for one thing. When company comes over I am always the one who has to tell people that when they use the toilet no matter if it’s #1 or # 2, they may not flush toilet paper. If they do we will know as the toilet will overflow on the next person to use it. There are bags kept by the pot for your buttwipe. At one time we were a family of 10 with just this 1 lousy potty. Ahh, those were the days.
SJ
said,
February 14, 2008 at 1:54 am
You are the first person in my adult life that I have come across that has said the famous words of my grandmother, if it’s yellow, let it mellow - if it’s brown, flush it down. I’m in awe. She said that ALL the time when I was a kid.
Dude you just took me back like 25 years and I’m not that old! I thought she was the only one with that rule, heck I thought she made up that rule! And now that I think about it - they had a septic tank too.
And to answer your question, I’ve never thought about where my ’stuff’ goes when I’m done with it. Kind of grosses me out….
Kelly
said,
February 14, 2008 at 3:49 am
This? Was my childhood. And oh, god, the poop on the basement floor. I thought I repressed that memory.
Frema
said,
February 14, 2008 at 5:29 am
This post reminds me of that scene in Meet the Parents when Ben Stiller uses the broken toilet and the whole backyard fills up with poopie water, ruining the handmade watchamacallit Owen Wilson made for Pam’s sister to get married under. I’m assuming they had a septic tank, too?
Anth
said,
February 16, 2008 at 11:55 pm
My parents have a well and septic tank. Getting that thing cleaned out was our least favorite day!!! I hated the water pressure issues. Showering peacefully, then someone downstairs flushes the toilet and the showerhead output drops to a trickle! Arrgh! However, and THANKFULLY, the well and septic tank always functioned properly. No poop in the shower.