Slow to anger?January 29th, 2008 @ 7:01 am
There is a proverb in the Old Testament that says:
“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh the city.”
I am not slow to anger. In fact, I’d say that I was the Speed Racer of anger. I go from calm and collected to raging with hate and anger in about .5 seconds.
If I had to make a list of all the things that made me angry, it would go something like this:
- The King
- Co-workers
- Babboo
- Idiots
- Family
- Bus drivers
- War
- Customer service workers
- My hair
- iTunes
- DVR
- Writers strike
Okay, I’ll stop here. But, as you can see, many things make me angry. And we all know that an angry person is an ugly person. In fact, to quote scripture again:
“Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9)
Lately I’ve noticed how angry I am. I wake up angry. I get angry when I’m late for work. I’m angry when I get to work and see that I’m the last one to arrive. I get angry when my co-workers comments on me being the last one.
And then my day pretty much continues with that same vein until I go home at night and proceed to relive all my angers and frustrations with The King and Babboo.
This last Sunday at church we talked about being slow to anger. Scriptures were read on how anger is bad. Stories were told about how anger never solves anything. It was if the lesson was meant for me. I listened intently and patiently awaited the conclusion of the lesson where we would learn the magic ways of slowing your anger down.
Alas, there was no magic solution for my anger. I realized this and decided I needed to listened to the message even closer. I was going to have to figure out how to deal with my anger issues on my own.
The past couple of months with a certain co-worker have been trying, to say the least. He says things, that I feel, are intentional to belittle and upset me. He mocks what I wear. Questions how I do my job. And just makes coming to work unbearable. The thing is, he’s a good person. He has a good heart. He just has poor social skills. I should get as upset and angry with him as I do.
To share some more quotes from the church lesson:
“So many of us make a great fuss of matters of small consequence. We are so easily offended. Happy is the man who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way.”
I’m know I’m making a “great fuss” of these small matters with my co-worker. I know it, and I hate it. I need to learn to brush his hurtful comments aside. I need to stand tall and not let him get to me.
“Grudges, if left to fester, can become serious maladies. Like a painful ailment they can absorb all of our time and attention.”
I don’t want my attention to be absorbed by anger and grudges. I want rainbows, butterflies, sunshine and cute babies bums. (It might help if I didn’t live in Seattle, where the sun doesn’t shine from October until June. But that’s a topic for another post.)
On our drive home from church on Sunday I made a commitment (with myself) to be slower to anger. There is no way I can say I’ll stop with all anger. Dude, I’m only human and must make baby steps. So for now, I’m trying to be slower to anger. Slower isn’t perfect. But it’s what I can do, for now.
In order for me to be slower to anger, I need to remind myself of this commitment. When I feel my ears heating up and my throat closing, I must remind myself…slow to anger. I thought about making a sign that says “Slow to Anger” and hanging it in my cubicle, and in my kitchen. And maybe above my bed. Heck, maybe I should make an iron-on that I can wear everyday.
But for now, I’m just going to share this commitment with the interweb. I’m telling you so that you’ll keep me in line. I want you to remind me to be slower to anger. If I’m not ready to answer to God, at least I can answer to the interweb.
To remind all of us why I’m choosing to be slower to anger, let me share you the quote that sealed it all for me:
“I plead with you to control your tempers, to put a smile upon your faces, which will erase anger; speak out with words of love and peace, appreciation, and respect. If you will do this, your lives will be without regret. Your marriages and family relationships will be preserved. You will be much happier. You will do greater good. You will feel a sense of peace that will be wonderful. May the Lord bless you and inspire you to walk without anger, without bitterness of any kind, but to reach out to others with expressions of friendship, appreciation, and love.”
So tell me, don’t you want to join me in my quest for being just a little slower to anger?
Churchy Stuff
Carrisa
said,
January 29, 2008 at 5:16 pm
I will join you. I am one of those people will very little patience.
I’ll make you a SLOW TO ANGER charm and you make me SLOW TO ANGER pillowcase?
haha
Laura
said,
January 29, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I’m in. I’m finding I’m always getting angry at my 4 year old when she’s just being a typical 4 year old. Taking 5 deep breaths before yelling seems to help
Elizabeth
said,
January 29, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Sounds like a good idea. I get angry at the littlest things… and they make me angry longer than necessary. And at my kids, like Laura said. I get really angry at myself for doing stupid things (like not remembering I didn’t have to work yesterday).
Though, I still think you need to lay the smack down on that guy at work. That’s just plain me to make fun of and tease someone everyday. What a jerk. I think you’re right to be angry about that.
CPA Mom
said,
January 29, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Dude, I need to do this. Last night, as I wrestled with my new laptop (damn VISTA) I almost threw it in the street and ran over it. And forgiveness, well, you know how I wrestle with that.
Becky
said,
January 29, 2008 at 6:42 pm
This is a hard, hard one for me. When I had one kid? Patience was the name of the game, now I find myself throwing tantrums almost as often as the kids do. I think you just have to decide to take things calmly. I don’t think we completely overcome the anger, but we can take a deep breath, try to calmly look at things rationally. I know this sounds a lot better in writing than it does in the real world. But I feel like angry, impatient Becky is becoming who I am, and I don’t like that person. I don’t want to be the mom everyone looks at in the store for yelling at her kids. I hate that I often am that mom. But don’t be too hard on yourself. Take those baby steps and be glad when you can control it, and remember the feeling so that you can try to feel it more often. Be I hope that makes sense. At least you are recognizing it in yourself and trying to be better. That is commendable in itself!
And believe me, I am not one to talk on this. It was my new years res to be kinder and more patient. How pathetic is that?
Keri
said,
January 29, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I will definitely join you. It was one thing I decided to work on in 2008. At the end of the day I am short w/everyone - kids, husband, etc. Then I start working the next day & see an email & am immediately irritated again.
I realized its no way to go thru life.
So I am on board w/you.
Liza
said,
January 29, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I think the sign in the cube is a great idea! And if you didn’t quite want to share it with anyone glancing in, you could do something like “STA” or a picture of something or someone that symbolizes “slow to anger” for you.
gorillabuns
said,
January 29, 2008 at 7:00 pm
This is spooky! Not 10 minutes ago, I was chastizing myself for being an angry and impatient person. Wondering how I could change this horrible feeling I have bubbling under the surface at a moments notice. I think reading this post is a sign. I need to change.
So my friend, I totally join you in the quest to be slow to anger.
Good luck to us all!
Kiraa
said,
January 29, 2008 at 7:49 pm
More than anything I wish I was all sunshines and skittles. I get SO DAMN ANGRY about stuff that happens at work and just let it ruin my whole day. I’m with you
Maria
said,
January 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I am so on board with this one!
I hate getting so angry, and usually about little things. Then I cry, and I HATE having people see me do that, especially in public or at a job. A little thing I learned in therapy, for eating issues, but works with other things is H.A.L.T. When you find yourself getting upset, you are supposed to stop and ask am I feeling Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? And then if it is something like low blood sugar, eat a small snack, or take a quick nap, or step outside for fresh air. Realize what is really behind the frustration, and go on.
Also at my last job, I set my computer timer to ping at me every 15 minutes. And every 15 minutes I would be reminded to take a big deep breath. When I get stressed out, I take more shallow breaths and sometimes just inhaling a few times can help me relax.
Nic
said,
January 29, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I’ve been trying to do this too. I heard the idea of having a gratitude journal and trying to focus on that instead of the anger. I get angry VERY quickly, and I wear my emotions on my sleeve so it’s instantly visible. For me it’s really important that I don’t wake up angry or feel rushed so I try and get things ready and wake up a little earlier so I’m just a bit perkier. We’ll see how it works.
liz
said,
January 29, 2008 at 8:51 pm
i will join you, but i reserve the right to revove that commitment while driving. other motorists really bring out the worst in me.
Rachel
said,
January 29, 2008 at 8:56 pm
I will definitely join you!! I have always been a little, shall we say, hot headed. I get it from my mother. But for the past few years I have really really tried to work on that aspect of my personality. I am not where I would like to be with it though. I still feel like I get worked up over small things waaaaay too often. I guess I am just lucky that Chris puts up with it.
Audrey
said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I really understand where you’re coming from. My dad, while not necessarily quick to anger, does get easily frustrated when something doesn’t go as planned. Growing up around this, I have always been the same way. Then I met Tim, and was amazed the first time I saw Tim deal with the kind of problem that would quickly irritate my dad and me. Tim was fixing something, something went wrong, I braced myself for the frustration, and Tim just shrugged and calmly tried a new approach. I was shocked, to say the least. Somehow it had never occurred to me that you could react calmly to such a situation.
Since I’ve been with Tim, I’ve really relaxed a lot. I’m not as uptight as I used to be, and, most importantly, when things start to veer from the plan, I am much better about shrugging and calmly trying a different approach. Usually, anyway. Sometimes I still get seriously pissed off. But most of the time I’m able to take a step back, take a deep breath, and realize it’s not the end of the world and throwing a tantrum isn’t going to make things any better. And, amazingly enough, I am a much happier person overall as a result.
So, take it from me: Life is better when you’re slower to anger. And it’s hard at first, and there are always things that will piss you off more than they should, but it can be done. If I can do it, you definitely can.
Fluent Brittish
said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I’m often an angry person, too. Will someone please come teach me that lesson?
Add that to my list of Things To Work On.
Marriage-101
said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I’ve been working on this too and so far, I think I’ve done pretty well with the exception of a little road rage. I don’t go all “crazy driver” but I have been known to flip the bird and yell obscenities - whether they can hear me or not. Unless they’re old. I like old people.
Laurel
said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:53 pm
What a great sermon topic… although one of the hardest ones to abide by. I’ve been in such a gloomy, grumpy funk lately, I have been quick to anger with almost everyone. For the first time in our 3-year relationship, though, I have not been transferring my anger to AS!!! My boss, coworkers, random people on the sidewalk, yes (clearly, there is still work to be done), but I’ve managed to compartmentalize my feelings at least enough to avoid taking it out on my boyfriend.
As a result of his not being in the line of fire, AS has been very solicitous with listening to me gripe, empathizing, making me root beer floats, etc… (Positive reinforcement!)
Rhi
said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:57 pm
First of all, this post took 45 years to show up in my Google Reader. Unacceptable.
Secondly, I completely need to be slower to anger. I, too, have an obnoxious coworker, who I catch myself snapping at ALL THE TIME. And, I let tiny little things anger me and completely ruin my mood.
So, I”m with you! Perhaps, I’ll needlepoint us a sampler? After I learn how to needlepoint?
stacey
said,
January 29, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I’m an angry girl, too. I have no clue how to keep my anger my anger under control. So instead, I generally hold it inside at work while I grind my teeth and hope for God to swoop down and transport me to a happy place. In the mean time, my pulse is racing and I’m sure I’m going straight to hell for all the negative thoughts I’ve got rolling around my head!
If you figure out how to calm the anger, please, please, please share the secret.
David McNelis
said,
January 29, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I’m very slow to anger. But once I get there…look out. The wife, on the other hand, very quick to anger historically, but has been getting much much better. (Maybe I do have some good things that rub off on others.) One thing that she had me read a long time ago that I think you might appreciate, if you haven’t already read it, is Anger Is My Homeland. Not sure who wrote it, but its definitely worth reading.
Stephanie
said,
January 29, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Perhaps I need a shirt too. Today I had to take my husband to the car dealership to have a little bump taken out. Then I took him to his office and then drove to my office. The whole time I was semi fuming. Want to know why? Because I usually go to work at 7:30 and instead I went in at 8. Yep. Probably need more than a shirt.
Liz
said,
January 30, 2008 at 12:05 am
I’m in the STA Club. I just feel like I’m ANGRY ALL THE TIME.
When I was pregnant with Henry, I felt very mellow and relaxed and one with the world. And then some jackhole would come along and Piss Me Right Off and this WHITE HOT RAGE washed over me. It wasn’t until much, much later that I could recognize it as *cough* hormonal (and no one DARED to mention that to me in the moment. smartly so, i might add).
but these days, I’m home alone, exhausted and sick with this pregnancy and Henry can get on My Last Nerve is that same .5 seconds. And by the The Mistah gets home, I unload it all on him and how he could NEVER UNDERSTAND blahblahblah.
Some of it, I’ll own it, is hormonal. But some of it is not having my own outlet, my own release. But dude, I’m most definitely not Slow To Anger at all.
Bunny
said,
January 30, 2008 at 1:05 am
Amen.
Valerie
said,
January 30, 2008 at 3:04 am
I’m right there with you. What helps me with this is to think of how my situations are really not as bad as they seem. Like thinking to myself, “I’m not fighting a war here” or “These are first-world problems that some people would feel blessed to have.” But,obviously our feelings are all relative and it’s easy for us to get wrapped up in our own lives (because they are our own).
You can do it, though. You’ve got such a good heart.
SJ
said,
January 30, 2008 at 6:03 am
What a great post. I have noticed with myself lately that I’m very angry, and I have no idea why. I used to be slow to anger, but now? Not so much. I’m going to work on this as well - for my own good.
Amity
said,
January 30, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I’m jumping on the bandwagon. Work creates the majority of my anger. And, it’s always funny to me when I tell someone that I had a bad day at work, and I start to tell them why, how trivial it all is when you’re not in the heat-of-the-moment. Truly not worth the emotions I give it.
meritt
said,
January 30, 2008 at 2:46 pm
This hit home this morning… another quick-to-anger person here and in the past 5 years the f-word tends to come out immediately. Odd since I didn’t even say the word “damn” until I was 21 years old!!!!
I think I may have to copy off your scriptures (and a few more from the bible) and place them around my kitchen to remind me.
the ambitious mrs
said,
January 30, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Random thought for you - if War is something that makes you angry remember that anger (and the hate that eventually follows) is what leads to war. Good luck with your quest - I suggest yoga!
Christar
said,
January 30, 2008 at 7:29 pm
This post came at a perfect time for me. Because I have been noticing how much anger I have, and for not real good reason. I have the absolute worst road rage, I am usually annoyed when people try to be friendly to me at work and am mean to them… I get mad when people in the store bump into me, even if they apologize. I can snap at my mom who is the sweetest lady in the world, for no reason, just because I feel in a crabby mood. I have noticed how easily I am angered by other people, and it makes me sad.
For the last week and a half, I have been trying to work on being nicer and overall, happier in any situation. I think it’s made me feel better about myself and made me feel better about all people in general. I am with you! Slow to anger all the way!
Miss Squirrel
said,
January 30, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Oh my I am so in on this one. I have been at a job for the last two years that was a really big mistake to take, and I’ve noticed how it’s slowly started to destroy my positive attitude and outlook at work and now I see that anger and bad attitude slowly seeping into other aspects of my life. I know this has to change. I don’t like myself when I’m angry, and I wouldn’t want to be friends with me if I were someone else. My current plan to deal with it is actually pretty drastic: I’m quitting my job in a couple of months and taking off to travel for 3-6 months. I can’t in good faith go straight to another job with all this baggage… I need a good long break to work it out and then let it go, while doing something that makes me happy.
HollowSquirrel
said,
January 31, 2008 at 1:15 am
Hi. I’m Stacy, and I’m irritable and quick to anger, too. I do think it’d be helpful if you said something to your coworker to let him know that he’s being a jerk. Why should you let him be his punching bag. It’s not ok behavior, and if he directed his doucheness to someone else, they might not take it as passively as you have. And, it’s making you upset and NOT want to come to work (isn’t that a condition of harrassment?).
I’ve tried to reduce my irritability but taking three deep breaths before reacting. It’s helped, although I’m not “cured.”
Danielle
said,
January 31, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I need some serious help with this too. Count me in on your journey…
amieable
said,
February 1, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Oh Isabel I’m so glad you wrote this. I too have been angry for most of the last seven months. It started with a death in the family and then was a sleigh ride into increasing hate when Longball had his surgery. I have always had somewhat of a temper but found myself coming unglued over silly things this summer and fall. I’ve learned that when I quickly discharge my anger by yelling or throwing something it feels good but then my anger is even QUICKER to come the next time. I’ve been trying to let my anger subside gently from now on.
In short, thanks for sharing your own struggles because it makes me feel less alone in my struggle. And sign me up for an iron-on!
Carol
said,
March 22, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I am giving a talk in church on “slow to anger” Sunday, 3-22-08. Thanks to all for the comments.
As we try to learn this valuable concept, and at least as I struggle with it, I find
that realizing our human gift of choice to respond to a stimulus, is what all of you are saying as the way to deal with a difficult situation.
Carol