Is there a mathematical equation for this?December 14th, 2007 @ 7:01 am
My mom is one of six kids.
My dad is one of nine.
I am one of four.
The King is one of two.
Babboo is currently just one of one.
And, for now, that seems to work for us.
Nothing against only children, but I don’t want it to stay this way forever. Eventually I would like to see another positive pregnancy test. I would like to (and this is hard to even type) get huge and miserable and be pregnant again. I would like to choose another baby’s name and snuggle a newborn. I would like to breastfeed again. I’d also like for Babboo to have a younger sibling to play with tease and teach. I want to get adorable Christmas pictures of kids in front of the tree.
This is the easy part.
The hard part is trying to decide that we’re ready to deal with no sleep. Or waking up every few hours to breastfeed. Or taking away our precious time with Babboo. Or pumping in the closet at work. And let’s not even talk about daycare. Because dude, that alone may convince us to never have another child.
And I hate that.
I hate that outside issues are the deciding factors in us expanding our family. I hate that money rules the decisions. I hate that we’re not getting any younger. Hate.
When really all I want is to add more love to our lives.
Even if we can move past all of these other issues, how do you know when it’s the right time to have another baby? I figure it would be good to get pregnant the same time as before. That way I’ll have the correct season of maternity clothes. And if it’s a boy, all of Babboo’s clothes will work. (Oh yes, this is how my mind works.) This plan sounds good on paper. But dude, that isn’t that far off. I’m not sure that I’m ready. And although I can get pregnant just by looking The King in the eyes, it’s keeping the babies that is hard.
Let’s be honest, I’m not sure that I’m ready to deal with any more miscarriages.
Plus, I just can’t seem to think of Babboo as anything other then my baby. How can I be ready for another baby when I already have a perfectly good baby?
And then I see a picture like this and realize he isn’t such a baby anymore.
And I long for pictures like this.
So tell me, what is the mathematical equation to determine when to have another baby?*
*Extra credit points to those who can also determine the equation on deciding how many kids to have.
My Sweet Babboo · Random · We're having a baby
Rachel
said,
December 14, 2007 at 5:32 pm
There is no equation. At least not one that works for everyone. Everybody’s lives are different and have different factors affecting them. You may never think you are financially ready for another child. But, as you said, maybe money shouldn’t be the deciding factor.
As long as you and The King are ready (or as ready as you can be) then that’s what matters. And, trust me, you have plenty of room in your heart to love another child just as much as you love Babboo.
Keri
said,
December 14, 2007 at 6:13 pm
I always thought I wouldnt be able to love my second as much as I love my first. I didnt think it was possible.
I was wrong.
Good luck trying to find the perfect time. For us, we didnt really plan. Heck I didnt even know I was pregnant until 11 weeks the second go round.
But, it all worked out in the end.
Becky..Absent Minded Housewife
said,
December 14, 2007 at 6:28 pm
My first was a little bit of a surprise. I had made a decision but it wasn’t to conceive necessarily, a-hem. That decision started a whole chain reaction of decisions.
The second was decided on four years later simply because it was time. There wasn’t a better time, or a worse time, but it was a time where we had so many choices available to us. I had a miscarriage and then conceived again. He was born five years after the first.
The third was yet another surprise. Five years apart again. The pill no worky. No pills wanted to worky at that point.
No more surprises for me.
Stephanie
said,
December 14, 2007 at 6:44 pm
I just wrote today about my oldest sister and having siblings. I also wrote that there should never be three and what we did to the odd man out. AWFUL AWFUL. So no to having three.
As cheesy as this is, Marie Osmond (who is a slight loon, but it is a good quote) said that she knew when she had her last that her family was full. Now her last was number 8 and I don’t think many of us want 8, but it still is a nice concept that finally your family is full.
marci
said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I LOVED 3 years apart. Aspyn didn’t seem horribly scarred and I had time to snuggle baby Avery. I DID NOT love 14 months apart. Everything was (and still is) chaos. So, whenever you have #2, watch out for #3 because they just seem to sneak in there.
Hope all is well and that you will have a great Christmas!
I miss you!
Marci
ReDinkyDink
said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Gee… Everyone is having this same thought. I was about to create a blog post on this very issue.
Is daycare that bad? I’ve been having such a difficult time staying a home with Lilly that I’m starting to wonder if I wouldn’t just be happier if I worked at least part time and put her into daycare.
Anth
said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:34 pm
You won’t get an equation from me. I obviously understand the impulse to not stop at one. And the desire to be pregnant at the same time of year (yes, I factored that in this time around - all my maternity clothes are winter/spring). And the fear of miscarrying again. You have to go with your gut. And I think that if your gut says do it and your finances say maybe later, you should still go with your gut.
That said, I am busy trying not to think about not sleeping during April May and June 2008. I am trying not to think about the havoc my toddler might wreck while I am nursing her little brother. Yeah, I’m just not going to think about that stuff. I’m going with my gut here!
heels
said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:45 pm
RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!!!
It’s money that’s ruling our decision, too. We can make everything work except daycare. $500 a month (or so) we can swing, but $1000? Not if we want to keep our house (and yes, we want to keep our house!). It’s miserable.
May
said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:46 pm
I tend to over-think things. A LOT. So it was a pretty hard decision to get knocked up again. Despite the fact that I wanted my kids to be about 3 years apart, actually GOING THROUGH with that (and having the biology cooperate) was a little scary. And C & I realized yesterday that if we hadn’t gotten prego, we could have bought a BRAND NEW CAR for CASH (Thank you horrible insurance!) So even though we’d like to consider more than financial repercussions, they’re always there… But how cute would Babboo be as a big brother???
Loralee
said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:51 pm
I would say that the longing is a pretty sure indicator.
This is only a question I have been struggling with for like, the last 4 years. My first two kids are 3 years apart. We had our last (Matthew)4 years later.
When he died it blew my entire family plan to hell.
Not only the spacing but the number was thrown off. We didn’t want to rush into having another one, but now after 4 years, we are no closer to a firm commitment. (Almost a 10 year difference between kids? And can we do the whole no sleep again? Our youngest is 8. Can I go back to that?)
anne nahm
said,
December 14, 2007 at 8:09 pm
The universal question, huh? My husband’s nonchalant answer to me is always, “you can ‘not-want’ for as long as you want. It just takes one slip up of ‘want’ to get another baby started.”
Yeah, I married a poet.
Laurel
said,
December 14, 2007 at 8:34 pm
I still have no idea when I’ll be ready to get married, much less pregnant for the first or second time… but I do have confidence that, no matter what the obstacles, you and the King will make it work for kid #2–you beat lots of these challenges the first time and you will again, whenever that might be.
Although, you could just start trying whenever you run out of your giant box of condoms.
Liza
said,
December 14, 2007 at 8:40 pm
I saw an interview once with Martin Sheen. The interviewer asked him why he’d chosen to have such a large family (5 kids). He said that his only regret about having 5 kids is that he didn’t have 5 more.
But you know I’m deep in the baby fever.
And also? WHEN did Babboo turn into such a boy???
Monica
said,
December 14, 2007 at 8:53 pm
I agree that 3 years apart was perfect, but 5 years apart was a total nightmare. I would never want that again, it’s like totally starting over.
Whatever you decide it will be right for you.
Nic
said,
December 14, 2007 at 8:59 pm
So I don’t know anything about this. But if Babboo gets to be too much for you, you can send him or the new baby to me.
What? No.
FINE. Be that way.
Anyway, I did hear an interesting thing about the number of kids people have in their family: If you have one, and it doesn’t kill you and you want another, have another. If you have two and it doesn’t kill you and you want another, have another, and so on and so forth. How can you possibly know until you get there?
As for all of the annoying and hard things, if you had known just how annoying and just how hard they’d be before you had #1, would have waited a little longer? Would that have been worth it?
Bunny
said,
December 14, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Honey, I also am in the how-do-you-know spot. I KNEW I was ready for the first and I KNEW I was ready for the second. Now I’m in the debate in my head about a third. I THINK I want a third. I don’t KNOW that our family is done. I feel like I will KNOW, I will be sure when our family is complete.
I like my family now, two works well for us. But I think if I don’t have #3 I will always wonder if I should have. And I think…I KNOW I would never regret having another wonderful person in our family. It’s just I may wonder what the hell I was thinking.
Not the Queen
said,
December 14, 2007 at 10:25 pm
The equation that worked best for us was when we actually forgot how stressful the first four weeks with a newborn were. Once we forgot that, we had another baby. The second one was much easier, though. I’ve already forgotten those first four weeks. I suppose that means I should have number 3?
the wifey
said,
December 14, 2007 at 10:40 pm
my husband has an equation… something to do with our income, his next pay raise, how long we’ve been married, how many kids we want to have and how far apart they are, etc. he hasn’t actually shown me the equation, but i know it is in his head and he analyzes every single little detail. maybe i can pressure him enough to write it down and then i’ll share it with you. then again, i don’t know if the equation is effective, because we haven’t started having any kids yet. maybe it is still the equation for NOT having kids and i need to make some adjustments!
good luck deciding when to have a brother/sister for sweet babboo. he is so adorable and i’m sure will be a great big brother.
Christar
said,
December 14, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Wish I could help in this department. I’m not even close to having kids any time soon. I think when you know, then you know. If you think about it as in a ‘right’ time, there probably will never be a right time for evernthing. There will always be something that doesn’t quite work out, whether it be the house, day care, work, etc. You guys just have to figure out when it’s best for you. You already know you make beautiful babies!
Kiraa
said,
December 14, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Oh, I wish I had experience in any of this. Thinking about having a baby breaks my little single heart. I can’t wait to be where you are.
Best of luck Isabel.
Jezer
said,
December 15, 2007 at 12:45 am
Man, oh, man. I guess the commenter who quoted Marie Osmond was right–you’ll know when the family is full. Ours is full with one. So, I have nothing to contribute here, only lots of good thoughts and wishes that you’ll find the formula that fits your family, and that it will not be riddled with pain and uncertainty.
Oh, and who gave Babboo permission to get so big? What a looker he is.
Frema
said,
December 15, 2007 at 12:46 am
I wish you the best of luck in figuring this one out. Even though you called me huge and miserable.
Also, when did Babboo turn into such a little boy?!
janet
said,
December 15, 2007 at 2:10 am
Maybe once your house is “born,” you will have the time and energy for #2? I really have no idea, but I also know that there probably is no #1 perfect time, and that if and when it happens you will totally make it work.
Danielle
said,
December 15, 2007 at 5:14 am
Once you figure out the equation, I can help you solve for x, OK? I’m real good at math.
I’m an only child too. It seems to be the rarity these days… I would love to have another child someday, but obviously the right time is NOT right now. I think that all the concerns you have are valid and are things that can make you go crazy the more you analyze them. Whatever happens, happens. And things have an amazing way of working themselves out. You can plan and plan and plan and the reality is that it may turn out completely different than you ever imagined!
Maria
said,
December 15, 2007 at 9:09 am
Keep in mind I have only 4 cats and no kids, but… If you are thinking about being ready, then you are close to BEING ready. And forgive my ignorance, but since you have been successfully pregnant once, does that increase your chances of another full term healthy pregnancy? Are there any medications or things you can do pre-preg. to increase the chances of a normal full term pregnancy?
If anyone can handle another baby, you can. When you are ready.
Molly
said,
December 15, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I needed to read everyone else’s comments before I left one, just in case someone did indeed have that equation for me to borrow.
Money issues are always going to be there, for everyone. The dryer is going to break the same week as the car needs an oil change as you’d like to go out to dinner. When we started trying for Jack, we had no idea what a financial nightmare the IF stuff would be, but we adjusted our spending and did what we had to do. It’s probably better we didn’t know beforehand. We would have worried more.
We knew that we wanted our kids about two-ish years apart. We got them 3yrs 3mos apart, and though I spent my pregnancy worrying that the’d have nothing in common, I love the age gap. At five and almost two, they add unbelievable amounts of happiness and companionship and love to each other’s lives.
Angella
said,
December 15, 2007 at 9:26 pm
There is no solid answer.
We have three kids. The first two are 20 months apart (Yes. I was crazy. AM crazy.) and they are two grades apart.
Emily came two years later. Three kids under the age of five. CRAZY.
Yet? The two boys are the best of friends, and Emily is starting to get in on the party.
You will know when you are ready. And when you are not.
alison
said,
December 15, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I say get the tiny baby having out of the way so you can move past that no sleep phase of life! No reason to stretch that out for years and years.
metalia
said,
December 17, 2007 at 4:16 am
I’m the oldest, and 5 years older than my next brother. I remember being incredibly pissed when he was born, and though me and my “little” brothers are great friends now, I always felt sort of left out, since they were much closer in age. I just feel like it probably doesn’t get any easier the longer you wait…but you have to do what works for you.
anna
said,
December 17, 2007 at 5:40 am
My husband is the oldest of 5. I am the oldest of 3. We have 3 and are finished making babies. I don’t really know how you know when the time is right. We were not trying with any of them but I don’t think we could have planned it better if we were. The oldest are 16 months apart (it was hard, but not awful) and there is a four year age gap to our youngest.
I was worried that it would be a big gap and that Allison would feel left out. That hasn’t been the case at all.
Money does have some impact on what you do, but I think if everyone waited until they felt financially secure, the population would be much smaller. Finances have a way of stretching to fit family needs.
I knew after Allison was born that three was the right number. It felt like we were done. It’s been four years and I still feel the same way.
Adwina
said,
December 17, 2007 at 10:30 am
For me, I only want to have another baby whenever I think my husband, my son and I are ready…
We are not, right now…so…the three of us together would be just fine and enough
Erika
said,
December 17, 2007 at 12:47 pm
A to the MEN.
Becky
said,
December 17, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I think it just ends up being the right time, or it has for me. Both were planned, but we’ve also gone through times when we have talked about another one and stuff comes up and it doesn’t happen, so to me, that means it wasn’t right.
I wish I had a better method, but I’m not the best one to ask. I have been ready for #3 to come since, oh, the moment that our #2 came into the world, but dh has been done since that same moment. I so understand your wanting to do all that over again, and that the age factor sneaks its ugly head in. Each December that goes by for me (#2 is almost 3) I think how another year has gone by and I’m no closer. Sigh, its so hard. Maybe take the fact that you are wondering if its right as a sign that it might be getting close. Good luck!
Oh, and say HI to Marci for me.
CPA Mom
said,
December 17, 2007 at 5:19 pm
If there was one I would have been all over it. All we did was try for when our kids would be two years apart. We got lucky. The money, the day care, everything else, somehow will be fine. Trust me.
Lindsey
said,
December 17, 2007 at 9:50 pm
I say have two kids! See, wasn’t that easy? I just solved all of your problems for you.
My vote is to try for another within the next year or so…your first is so perfect, but that doesn’t mean your second won’t be just as perfect. I think everything will work itself out. Stay rational when it comes to some things, but just go with your heart, ya know.
On a side note, I am sooooooo freaking peeing my pants with excitement because I want to see Frema’s baby already!!!! PUUSSHHHH!
Courtney
said,
December 17, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Hmmm… no babies in my life yet, so no good advice. But my sis and I are three years apart and I’ve always thought that was the perfect age seperation.
I love the thought of you with another baby!
Jill
said,
December 17, 2007 at 10:34 pm
My boys are all three years apart. That is mostly because I didn’t want two kids in diapers at the same time and also that is when the biological clock started to tick again.
All of my kids were planned and I was very lucky I was able to even have them because of all the female problems I went through.
My biggest decision to stop at three was because I had a hard time keeping them in past 32 weeks. Having preemies is not fun.
Everyone says that I need to have my little girl, but I am just lucky to have my boys as it is.
Lisa B
said,
December 17, 2007 at 11:46 pm
I have NO clue. Am thinking one is enough for us. But struggled with this for quite some time.
Have friends whose kids are not quite a year apart. Have friends whose kids are 11 years apart. Seems its all good. Pros and cons to each.
So, um…. No clue. Sorry I’m no help.
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » In which I test the interwebs powers
said,
December 17, 2007 at 11:47 pm
[...] With Frema and my bestest friend May both ready to pop out baby girls, I’ve been thinking about babies. That’s pretty clear after reading yesterdays post about knowing when to get pregnant again. Or if to even get pregnant again. [...]
Lisa
said,
December 23, 2007 at 4:21 am
Well, the best I’ve figured out is to when you know you can’t say “We are / I am IN NO WAY ready right now”, the best thing is to just close your eyes and jump. If you’re lucky, you’ll land solid and well. If not? You aren’t really much worse off than you were before, are you? That’s my only conclusion anyway. Our first jump had a sad conclusion.. but we’ll close our eyes and jump again soon, praying for a good landing. Good luck