Welcome to heidi’sworld!November 2nd, 2007 @ 5:01 am
Hola! (I don’t really speak Spanish either.) My name is heidikins and I am the queen of heidi’s world. This is my first time guest posting for Isabel, or anyone else, for that matter. I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted to write about; frankly, it has been a little trickier than I thought it would be. I don’t have kids, I don’t have pets, I usually only read economics and history books (i.e. dead-beat boring to most of the world), I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t have a plant, I don’t watch TV and thus, cannot comment on the latest episode, I’m not working on any major projects, I did not just return from, nor am I planning any upcoming vacation and the latest excitement in my life involved some sliced banana and a jar of Nutella. And while I feel comfortable posting this sort of literary drivel on my own site, when asked to fill in for a master like Isabel, I feel like I need to step it up…like, a lot.
After quite a bit of thinking, and several first paragraphs I’ve decided to vent about relationships; specifically the non-romantic ones. We all have our share of romantic relationship tips, advice and horror stories; and I could probably venture to announce that any one of us could write a well-constructed essay on the nuances of dating or marriage. However, I’m not going to do that.
I recently joined Facebook, the massive social-networking site that promise to “connect you with the people around you.” In the past few weeks I have found some of my co-workers; I’ve found some of my friends from college; my first date, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my BFF from junior high who I haven’t heard from in almost a decade (and, coincidentally, have not missed); I have “re-connected” with some of my friends from high school. If by “re-connected” I mean “been accepted by,” which kind of baffles me in the first place, I wasn’t “acceptable” when we saw each other on a regular basis, but somehow I am now? I have friends listed on my Facebook home-page that didn’t talk to me more than once or twice in my entire high school career. This online quasi-friendship over the past few weeks has been more intense than four overly-dramatic years of having classes together, passing each other in the halls, and carefully picking my way through the chaotic hormonal days of teenage-hood. I have read countless updates on their lives, their classes, their jobs, their relationships, their vacations; and while it is interesting to see where people are, what they are doing… it seems ironic. We are linked as friends, but I have never called them, hung out with them, met them for a concert or movie…and frankly, I don’t see my starting that up anytime soon. What is the point?
I am not saying that I hate Facebook, or that I will delete my account. In some cases it has been great to catch-up with someone I haven’t talked to in ages; the periphery friends who scribbled along-since disconnected phone number in my year-book, “Have a great summer!!! Call me!!! CU L8R!!!” But other than a wall-post or two with the overly generalized “how are you doing?!?” queries (”I’m good, living ______, working _______, dating/not dating/married now… It’s been forever! How are YOU?!?”) I probably won’t call them up to hangout, or meet them for dinner or a movie. Those relationships where I was genuinely invested I have kept up with. And those that were less important, I let slide; and by-and-large, I haven’t looked back. Sure, every now and then I remember some humorous incident, or some horribly embarrassing moment, and wonder whatever became of the cast of characters from my teenage life. But I don’t see some enormous benefit of searching out those people -who have somehow been immortalized in my head as pimply, seventeen year-olds with braces, myself included- and seeing them now as mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, they are in masters programs and high-profile jobs, or they are working at the same gas station where I bought 59 cent sodas and Jolly Ranchers…other than the occasional update and online photo album, my contact with these “friends” will be minimal, if not non-existent. (Is that double-negative too confusing?)
Sure, according to Facebook I may be “popular” (believe me, this would be the first time EVER) with gobs of friends scattered across the United States; but I know that my real friends, the ones who actually know me and care about what is really going on, are the ones who call me on weeknights to catch up, or send me a text to say hello, or meet me for lunch or dinner to dish about the latest and greatest from our lives. So, what does this say about “social-networking?” Personally, I think it is just a number. “You have 27 friends.” “You have 284 friends.” “You have 938,745,682 friends.” So what!?! You and I both know the ones that really matter, and they aren’t usually the ones who will list “we went to school together” as the most defining characteristic of your friendship.
Will I continue to check-up on my Facebook account? Yes. Will I spend hours pouring through my yearbook or work directories, looking up everyone who has ever come into my world? Absolutely not. I’d rather call up a girlfriend to talk about how hott Hugh Jackman is in leather, or call up a guy friend to thoroughly dissect my latest crush, or meet my best friend and her kids for an afternoon in the park, or write an email to a blog-topia friend, letting her know that the latest break-up/work crisis/personal hell is only temporary, and it will get better. I guess I’m old fashioned that way.
Guest Posts
Amity
said,
November 2, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Awesome. My sentiments exactly.
jamie
said,
November 2, 2007 at 3:07 pm
i don’t have facebook or myspace accounts for those exact reasons. there are many people out there whose lives i don’t care to catch up on and those that i do care about, i’ve kept in touch with. great post.
anna
said,
November 2, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Man, this is just how I feel too. Sometimes I wonder what those people are up to, but really, even if I did know, I don’t think it would impact my life dramatically.
Laurel
said,
November 2, 2007 at 3:35 pm
I find that on Facebook, I’m connected with a lot of random people from high school and college who I’d never hang out with. I like the initial moment of finding out what they’re up to, and then I usually don’t check back very often.
For me, though, I really enjoy knowing what my junior high BFF is up to! We drifted apart in high school (though not acrimoniously) and may never meet up, but I’m glad to see what she’s doing and see pictures of the trips she takes. It’s a low investment way to stay in touch with someone I care about in a general kind of way.
On the other end of the spectrum, my college (and current) BFF lives in Santa Cruz, CA. I love being able to instantly see pictures of whatever random little thing she’s up to. We never had time to get into that detail in our phone conversations, so Facebook is a fun addition.
Danielle
said,
November 2, 2007 at 4:05 pm
I have a myspace account but I go back and forth with wanting to delete it and wanting to keep it. I hate that I’ve been sucked into it though…
Miss Erika
said,
November 2, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Fabulous insight. I love it.
Dirka
said,
November 2, 2007 at 5:21 pm
I’m with you. I have a MySpace, but rarely update or check in. People that I want to communicate with have other means of contacting me besides MySpace!
Steph
said,
November 2, 2007 at 5:36 pm
nice post heidi!
1. I love you!
2. I like Facebook because I can “keep in touch” with people that I don’t really care about, but if I want to see what they’re up to, at least I can snoop around a little. I was by no means popular in high school, but I do truly enjoy seeing where all my old friends are. Granted, I don’t live about 30 minutes away from my old stomping grounds like you do, so maybe this is why it intrigues me so much. I haven’t seen a lot of these people since the day that I left high school, but I really have wondered through the years what happened to them. It makes me happy to know that they are doing well and that they for the most part look genuinely happy.
Then again, I’m like my dad and still have friends from preschool that I keep in touch with. Scary.
Elizabeth
said,
November 2, 2007 at 6:17 pm
I’ve had the same sort of experiences mentioned. I talked with an old friend for a little while on MySpace, but we never had that much in common, so it just ended. All those other random people?.. how much do you really get to know them over these sites? Sending a little message here and there isn’t really “friends”.
I suppose these sites are useful for meeting other people in your area, but other than that, I’m not sold.
Andrea Jolene
said,
November 2, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Hm, I’m not a member of Facebook and I don’t really want to be
Ha ha. I’m a snob I guess. But I agree, the friends who call, who I call, who hang and are hung out with, those are the ones I care about. I went to school with John Beck’s (former BYU QB) wife, and then we saw each other at Snow and she “totally knew me HI!!!” Then I saw her and the hubby at the movie, and she totally “did NOT know me” eye roll. I imagine it’s somewhat the same.
Christar
said,
November 2, 2007 at 6:58 pm
I’ve heard of Facebook, but haven’t signed up. It sounds like another MySpace and that’s about as much as I can handle, lol. I like MySpace for these simple reasons: 1) I can keep in touch with old friends from Elementary, Jr. High, High School. 2) I love to just browse peoples MySpace pages that I knew, but not well enough to be a friend, but it’s nice to see what people are doing.
But the people who really matter are the ones I talk to regularly without MySpace. Great post!
ali
said,
November 2, 2007 at 7:42 pm
there are some things facebook is great for. my little brother always checks it - so i know if i’m looking for him, that’s where i can find him. and where he can see pics of the kids. it’s nice to actually know what’s going on in his life (although sometimes there are things i wish i didn’t know! hahaha.)
Brittany
said,
November 2, 2007 at 7:51 pm
I looked at facebook once, and that’s as far as I got. I really should sign up because I like to spy on people. I’m creepy like that.
Great job, Heidi!
SJ
said,
November 2, 2007 at 10:20 pm
I have a MySpace account and a Facebook account and quite frankly I have no idea why. I don’t really follow either one or keep them updated.
I see their benefits, I just don’t have the time to put more effort into them…besides, the people that I wanted to keep in touch with, and those that wanted to keep in touch with me over the years have, and that’s what is most important.
Operation Pink Herring
said,
November 3, 2007 at 2:21 am
Yeah… I am weirded out by Facebook/MySpace. I find it strange to be “friended” by people I wasn’t really friends with.
I think that means I’m old.
Durga
said,
November 3, 2007 at 3:01 pm
oMGoosh I was whinging abt the same thing - all this time.
All these freakin ppl who had no time for me in high school now want to be added as a ‘friend’. and after being added won’t even say hi. losers.
I have my vacation pics on there and I want them to see how happy I am. So I have my own motives for adding them I guess. But some ppl I add, say hi back and then few weeks later delete. Wit hundreds of friends on their list , they prolly won’t notice. lol.
good post heidi. Well done.
Lindsey
said,
November 3, 2007 at 7:53 pm
The stalker in me loves facebook. Plus, it has been a great way to reconnect and stay in touch with people I haven’t talked to in ages, even if it can be superficial at times. I’ve also had pretty meaningful conversations with people too. I don’t do my space though…there is something that is really sketchy about it. I can’t explain it…almost like it’s too public or something.
Anyway, what I am curious to know is how your blog friends fit into this spectrum. How is connecting with someone from your past who you barely knew so much different than making a friend through your blog? Just wondering how you would differentiate between the two.
Pia
said,
November 3, 2007 at 11:16 pm
I have no intention whatsoever to sign up on Facebook - let’s just say I have a life IRL…;)
angela
said,
November 4, 2007 at 6:39 pm
I suppose I’m with you on this one, although I’ve never signed up to Facebook or Myspace, so what do I know? I just stick to the blogworld full of total strangers instead.