You were made for meOctober 2nd, 2007 @ 7:01 am
When I was younger I remember seeing a TV show about some kids finding out they had been adopted. They had lived their whole life, up to that point, thinking their biological parents were their parents.
It made me nervous.
The thought of this really freaked me out. How could you live your life and not know who your real parents are? I don’t know if this was something that only happened in the eighties or if it was just because I was a kid back then, but I gave it a lot of thought.
I didn’t think I was adopted, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I wasn’t either. I had this thought in the back of my head that maybe my parents would tell me on my twelfth birthday, or something, that I had been adopted. Or maybe it would happen to one of my friends.
Of course, it never did.
I grew up and realized that I was just being silly. Of course I wasn’t adopted. It was pretty obvious that I fit right in with the rest of my family. I also didn’t have any friends that had been adopted. Since I was being raised along side my uncles, I knew that not ever family was traditional, but still, I didn’t know anyone that was adopted.
When I was in my early twenties and working at the convenient store I worked three sisters who were all older then me. They had a younger sister that used to come into the store all the time. She was barley sixteen and very pregnant. I also knew the father was even younger and not even sort of in the picture. (He was busy impregnating her best friend. But that’s a story I don’t know anything about.)
While I didn’t know Gretel, I knew that she was planning on giving her baby up for adoption. This seemed like a good idea to me based on her young age and the situation. Two of Gretel’s older sisters were very supportive of her decision. The other one didn’t like it one bit. She was a mother herself and, looking back, I now understand that she was most likely looking at it through the Eyes of a Mother. While this sister wasn’t thrilled about Gretel’s choice, she kept her mouth shut and showed her love and support.
I remember the day Gretel had her baby boy. I was called to come in and work so that all the sisters could be at the hospital. They knew their time with their nephew was limited and they wanted to be there. I understood and was happy to fill in at work.
Gretel gave her baby up for adoption, just like she planned, and life went on for her. She went back to school and after a few months she joined her sisters and came to work with us at the convenient store. I was excited to have a new girl at work to help pass the cold winter nights selling soda and candy.
Since we worked so much together, Gretel and I became good friends. I was done with college and she was still in high school, but we seemed to hit it off. I would invite her to come to The Big City with me and some friends to go dancing. (She never came.) She would invite me to drag main. (I went once.)
As we got to know each other better, I started to learn more about her son’s adoption. I remember her telling me that when she found out she was pregnant she was only fifteen and didn’t know what she was going to do. She told her parents and they decided that she would give her baby up for adoption. While this wasn’t Gretel’s idea, she knew it was for the best. Her parents got her hooked up with our church’s social services department and she began the procedure of choosing a family to place her baby with. Gretel told me she choose them purely based on the fact that the reminded her on one of her sister’s.
Gretel and I started hanging out together more outside of work about the time she started to date Jason. He was a cowboy from the next small town over. He was also a tool. Jason hadn’t been around when she gave her baby up, so he really didn’t understand. Plus, he was just young. On Gretel’s son’s birthday, the only day that she would hear from her son’s adoptive parents, Jason forgot to come over to her house like they had planned. She was already a little volatile and Jason not showing up was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I sat there with her as she drank beer after beer and cried about missing her son.
I can’t even imagine what she was feeling. But I was glad that she broke up with Jason shortly after this incident.
Gretel chose the rules to her adoption and they were quite simple. She received letters monthly until her son was a year old. After that, she got letters on his birthday. They didn’t know her real name. She didn’t know their real names. She named her son before she gave him up, but they were allowed to change it to whatever they wanted. They always referred to him in the letters by the name she gave him. I’ve often wondered if they kept that name. I figured they probably gave it to him as his middle name.
Free therapy was included in her adoption plan and Gretel was good to take advantage of it. I ended up going to the same therapy office as she did after my divorce. I figured if it was working for her, it could work for me. (That is still to be determined. Thankyouverymuch.)
Time went on and Gretel seemed to be a little more at peace with missing her son. She always knew that giving him up was the right thing to do for him and for her. But still, I imagine it takes time to come to terms with it. Eventually Gretel met a nice older guy and they got married. To nobody’s surprise she got pregnant right away. We’ve lost touch over the years, but rumor has it that she’s had a passel of kids since then.
After I moved up here to Seattle I met a lady at church and we became friends. After hanging out with Anne for a while I heard, from a mutual friend, that Anne had given a baby up for adoption when she was in college. Eventually Anne told me about it. Apparently she got pregnant, decided she would give the baby up for adoption, and hid her entire pregnancy from her family until the bitter end.
Anne gave her son up through the same church program that Gretel did. But Anne’s adoption was set up so that she had contact with her son. He’s now almost nine years old and she sees him a few times a year. She is married and seems to be well adjusted to the situation. I’ve been lucky enough to have become close enough friends with Anne that she’s shared some of her story with me. Since she was much older then Gretel, it’s a very different story then the one I was part of so many years ago.
About three years ago my friend May and I both received a phone call from our friend Liesel. She asked us to come to her house to talk to her. I was nervous. I was sure that she was mad at something we had done. My mind raced trying to remember if I had said something that might have offended her in the last week. May and I got there and Liesel’s husband told us she was in the guest bedroom and to let ourselves in.
I will never forget walking into that bedroom and seeing Liesel sitting in her rocking chair, the rocking chair that had gone unused for some many years previously. The room was dark and was only lit by a small lamp sitting next to the rocking chair. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but once they had I saw that Liesel was holding a tiny baby. He was the baby they had been waiting to adopt for years but had never seemed to get. Finally they had received a phone call that a baby was ready for them. Their baby. Liesel and her husband had kept it a secret just in case something went wrong. But nothing did. And he was home.
Being there in that little nursery was something that I’ll never forget. Sharing that moment with May, just watching Liesel hold her baby was one of the most intimate experiences I’ve ever been a part of. I knew how badly Liesel and her husband wanted a baby. I knew what wonderful parents they would be. Being able to witness them become those parents was wonderful. Watching it happen for them again this last year was just as exciting.
The King and I often look at Babboo and wonder what we did before we had him. Sometimes I get scared and wonder what I would do if I ever lost him. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to stand strong and hand your baby over for someone else to raise. I know that Anne and Gretel are intelligent and talented women. I know that they did what was right for them and their babies.
I am reminded of this every time I see Leisel and her husband with her two little boys. Her little boys that were made for her family.
So tell me, do any of you have any experience with adoption?
Back in the Day · Churchy Stuff
Midwest Texan
said,
October 2, 2007 at 6:05 pm
My mom and her sister were both adopted, and we have some other family members on her side of the family who were also adopted - because of this, we’ve always talked about it and have also known of a lot of other people who are adopted. I never thought much about it until I became a mom, and now I DON’T think about it because I just can’t imagine it and what it must be like for a mother to put her childl up for adoption.
We also have two sets of friends that are both adopting internationally. It’s not something that I really feel interested in doing, but for both of them, they are passionate about it and feel “called” to do adopt.
I also had an old boss who has significant infertility problems, but once said that she would never adopt because she was worried what “that child” would do to her biological child. Ignorant b*t*h.
Keri
said,
October 2, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Wow. Great post. Makes me think… I have a friend who is also going thru international adoption b/c of their infertility issues. They are really excited, but have been waiting almost 2 years (since their log in date)
I also have a very close friend who went thru private adoption (due to some health problems, dr wasnt sure she could carry a baby). The mom chose them and so they supported the birth mom thru the whole pregnancy. She (Birth mom) told them they could be in the delivery room, so they flew down before she was due & then she changed her mind. it was horrible.
Rhi
said,
October 2, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Fantastic post! My dad, my aunt, and my uncle were all adopted. My aunt and uncle as infants, and my dad as an 8 year old. Both his parents died when he was young, so a cousin of my maternal Grandmother’s, adopted him. I know it was very hard for him, as he remembered his parents and had a whole new family to get used to - but I feel he, and also me, are so blessed to have such a wonderful family.
super des
said,
October 2, 2007 at 6:20 pm
I always used to hope I was adopted. Of course I wasn’t. However, I’ve also always wanted to adopt a baby, so we’ll see how that works out when I’m ready.
Per Joan Crawford (i.e. Mommy Dearest) “adopted children are more special because they were chosen.” And that’s where I draw the line at quoting her.
Marriage-101
said,
October 2, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Oh I have so many stories in my family - about real fathers vs. adopted fathers. There’s a Garth Brooks song that says “blood is thicker than water but love is thicker than blood.” I love that line.
David McNelis
said,
October 2, 2007 at 6:27 pm
That was a fantastic post. I, myself, am adopted, at 5 days old. I guess I never really thought about the difficulty that my biological mother had giving me up. The story is kind of interesting though.
My parents had been trying for almost 10 years for a baby and after a serious miscarriage and mom’s endometriosis they decided it was time to try alternate means of getting their hands on a baby. So they went in the spring of 1980 and the agency asked if they preferred a boy or a girl, and they didn’t care. The agency told them to expect a girl because there were five couples in front of them all wanting a boy.
Turns out my biological mother was Catholic and the one requirement she had was that I be placed with a Catholic family, and mine were the only Catholics on the list. If it weren’t for that request, who knows where my life would have gone…and I was very fortunate with my family, they always loved me dearly and as their own, even after two ’surprise’ brothers popped up.
The only communication I ever had from my bio-mom was a plague of the poem “Children Learn What They Live.” The agency said they could give it to me or not, it was up to them. But they were always up front and honest with me about my adoption and where the wall hanging came from.
There are times when I’ve wondered about finding my bio-mom…but I really think it would break my parents hearts, even though they would support it the best they could.
Anyway…that was a little long and drawn out, but you asked!
Audrey
said,
October 2, 2007 at 6:39 pm
I really don’t have any experience with adoption other than one of my parents’ employees has 3 kids that they adopted from Vietnam. The kids were all siblings in a poor family, living with their dying grandmother, so this woman and her husband adopted them all. I love that the kids got to stay together, and they wrote letters to their grandma until she passed away. When I see the family at my parents’ company Christmas parties, the kids seem really really happy and well-adjusted, so I assume that all is well.
Thanks for writing this post — I was really interesting to read!
Various rumblings from a Dink » Blog Archive » Giving up a little slice of Heaven
said,
October 2, 2007 at 7:06 pm
[...] You all can thank Hola, Isabel for this, more specifically you should read her post You were made for me. No, really. Go. Now. Come back when you’re done! [...]
Durga
said,
October 2, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Hey Isabel, I’m sending u one of my favorite Tamil movies (with subtitles) that deals with this adoption…it’s really nice…
but yeh..im not sure abt adoption…im not sure if there is a definite answer to these questions….of is it the rite things to do as the mother? is it good for the kid? i donno.
But i support State financial support for mothers who choose to keep their baby….if u have such a thing…which we do here in Aus.
Thanks for this post. it’s very though provoking.
Kathleen
said,
October 2, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Great post! And, you know, it’s funny; I was just thinking about this topic yesterday, because yesterday was my nephew Zach’s 7th birthday. My sister had him when she was 17.
So many of us initially thought she should give the baby up for adoption when she told us, as a scared 16-year-old, that she was pregnant. But now I cannot imagine our lives without Zach, and I am so glad that he is part of our family. It’s not been an easy road for my sister (long stories involved here, other men, two other kids…) but Zachary is a special part of our lives and he has been worth her struggles. I love that kid so much!
On the other side of the coin, my older brother is adopted. My parents tried for eight years to get pregnant and couldn’t, so they were foster parents to my brother. They loved him and raised him on and off (for roughly 6-month to one-year periods, in between which he’d bounce back and forth to his bio mom’s) from the time he was a baby until he was about 8 years old, when he went back to his bio mom supposedly for good.
After a revolutionary (for 1978, anyway) surgery, my mom got pregnant with me and shortly thereafter with my sister.
Right after my sister was born, my parents got a phone call: my brother had been abandoned by his bio mom and my parents were the only people anyone could think to call who might want him. So, my parents decided if they were going to do this again, they had to do it right, and they legally adopted him when he was 12 years old.
I’ve seen adoption from both sides of the coin…and all it really makes me say at the end of the day is that there is no concrete answer. I’m so glad my sister didn’t give my nephew up for adoption, and I’m so glad my family adopted my brother. I can’t imagine life without either one.
Liza
said,
October 2, 2007 at 8:15 pm
I think you would like Dan Savage’s book “The Kid: What happened when my boyfriend and I decided to get pregnant” and since he’s local to you, I’m sure you could get it at the library.
There are also a couple of adoption bloggers I read and love — http://lilysea.blogs.com/peterscrossstation/ and http://roundisfunny1.wordpress.com/, both of which are families built through transracial open adoptions. Oh and http://artsweet.wordpress.com/, who did a more traditional, but international adoption.
I don’t have any personal experience other than Jill going through the legal process of adopting Noah, but that’s a very different adoption story. We’re lucky to live somewhere that will allow her to have a legally recognized relationship to our son.
Anna
said,
October 2, 2007 at 8:43 pm
I could probably talk for hours about adoption. My husband is adopted as are eight of my 16 cousins.
The circumstances are all extremely different. R was adopted from Korea at age 2. She went back a few years ago during a college study abroad program and was able to find the orphanage that she’d lived in.
E was a “safe baby”. She was left at a hospital with no questions asked.
D has severe special needs, but he has been just what his parents needed.
A few years after K was adopted my aunt and uncle were contacted by their agency saying that her birth mom was pregnant again and would they be willing to adopt her brother as well. It might not have been the best timing, but they didn’t feel like they could say no.
P regularly sees his birth family. They’ve come to birthday parties and he even attended his bio mom’s wedding.
My husband has not had contact with his bio parents. When he was young he told his mom that if they hadn’t adopted him he would have walked down every driveway and knocked on every door until he found them because he was meant to be their son.
Seeing my husband as a well-adjusted, responsible, loving adult has been a big comfort to my aunts and uncles as they raise their kids in not so traditional circumstances.
Sherry
said,
October 2, 2007 at 9:07 pm
My little sister moved in with my family for “two weeks, two months at the most” when she was eight. She was adopted officially three years later. My family had known her since she was about two, and when her mom just couldn’t take care of her anymore, she came to us. My parents didn’t want to have her sent away to live with strangers, so they kept her.
She’s now 15, is in semi-regular contact with her mother and her father (whom she has only physically met twice) and is beginning to be a bit of a terror to my parents. (She’s 8 years younger than me, and my parents had me when they were 36 and 39).
Overall, though, it’s been a good experience. She was old enough when she left her mother and brothers to know that she is better off with our family, but things certainly aren’t perfect.
Liz
said,
October 2, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Yeah, so I just blogged about Henry being Elvis and b*tched about all my nonsense from last week…
And you’ve posted this?
This was a wonderful post, Isabel. As always.
I always thought/wished I was adopted. But I never really believed it. I have a few stories under my hat, but I’ll save them for later, I think.
Wow. Great post, dude. Really.
Steph
said,
October 2, 2007 at 9:41 pm
My sister is actually adopted. My parents had unsuccessfully tried to have children for about 8 years when the opportunity to adopt presented itself in a very unusual way. They lost their second baby 28 years ago today actually and shortly thereafter, they met a waitress in a restaurant that they frequented in the town where they lived. They heard through the grapevine that the waitress was unmarried and didn’t want to keep the baby since her family was unaware of her situation. My parents asked if they could adopt her baby and she immediately said yes. Two months later, my parents picked up my sister at the hospital. I was born a few years later, so having an adopted sister is all I’ve ever known. I don’t know anything about my sister’s biological mother except for that my sister carries her name as her middle name. My dad promised her that my sister would never try and find her so that she move on with her life as best as possible. I’ve asked my sister on several occasions if she’s curious and every time, she’s just told me that our mother is her mother and that she has no desire to seek out her biological family. I don’t know if I could have that attitude, but I do respect my sister for giving my mother the credit she deserves.
Phoenix
said,
October 2, 2007 at 10:50 pm
When I was 9, my family had a discussion. My mother had been hooked on drugs and alcohol for a long period of time, she had gotten my brother hooked and all of his friends. The day came when my brother realized he wanted a life and he wanted to quit. He couldn’t unless my mom did, otherwise the temptation would be too strong. It was decided that me and my brother would live with my aunt and uncle in another state. That was the happiest time of my life. I was finally a part of a real family, and it was with my favorite people in the world.
They pushed my mom to let them adopt me, because I was so happy with them and was a different kid (I apparently did a lot of weird things like hiding food and stuff because I never knew when I’d get a chance to eat at my mom’s)… Unfortunately, my mom was using us to cheat welfare (claimed she still had us), so she wouldn’t allow it. Those few months where there was a glimmer of hope that I would be allowed to stay forever with them were the best.
My mom is now better, I think (we know she was still doing drugs at least 4 years ago, but she’s with a real man now, and I don’t think he would allow her to do that to herself)… We are very close. But I still wish that I had been adopted. My aunt and uncle, though I don’t talk to them much anymore (not phone people), are still the closest in my heart.
And btw, it is freaking awesome that you know someone named Liesel. That was the other choice my mom had for my name, and I always wished she had used it rather than Amanda.
angela
said,
October 2, 2007 at 10:56 pm
While I do have several acquaintances with adopted kids and a few acquaintances themselves who were adopted, I have no stories of anyone close to me.
And like you, when I was little, I used to wonder if I was adopted too. I was very paranoid about this subject, even though I really had no reason to believe otherwise.
loralee
said,
October 3, 2007 at 2:53 am
My niece is 17. She is like a daughter to me. Her baby (My great niece) is just 6 weeks old.
She thought she could do it, adoption.
She couldn’t.
Having lost a child, I kept my mouth firmly shut. While it would be through death, it would still be a huge loss. But she is so young.
Everyone in the family was supportive that this was her decision.
We’re trying to help the best we can. She is a straight A student and our goal is to get her through college.
So far, it is hard but everyone is coping and the father is participating far, far more than we expected.
I know it is still early days. We’ll see…
Erika
said,
October 3, 2007 at 11:51 am
Liesel’s story gave me chills! I don’t have much experience with it. Our neighbors when I was a kid adopted a baby boy and I remember the day they brought him home. J has a friend who is adopted, and I think I had a sorority sister who was adopted. I have a friend who recently adopted a baby girl from Korea who has the same birthday as Evan. As a mother, I can’t imagine the courage it takes to give up a baby, or the stress and hopefulness of trying to adopt one. I have often wondered if adoptive parents ever truly relax, I know nothing about the legal issues but would you constantly worry that someone could take your child from you?
meritt
said,
October 3, 2007 at 12:50 pm
It’s a beautiful post - because you saw adoption through so many different views. I do have a little to say on the topic but due to the hours of this stupid job I can’t take the time to do so. As a matter of fact I was supposed to be getting dressed RIGHT NOW and instead… stopped to read this post. LOL.
Kath
said,
October 3, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Exactly like you, i used to wonder when i was little if i was adopted. Must be the 80s, when talking about adoption surfaced ? My mum remembers my asking her all the time if i was adopted, because i had dark hair & my siblings had blond hair & i could not conceive being their sister. Didn’t matter that i looked exactly like my dad
The phase passed, of course. i’m not adopted. & my mother laughs along with me when we think back to this obsession in my young little life.
Amy W
said,
October 3, 2007 at 3:15 pm
My boss at work went through 7 IVF cycles, and is now on an adoption list. She is super excited (as she should be) and has even registered.
Frema
said,
October 3, 2007 at 4:37 pm
First of all, wonderful post.
Second of all, I think adoption is a wonderful thing, especially since so many young people either don’t abstain from sex or don’t practice safe sex. Those babies deserve good homes if the mother doesn’t/can’t provide one for them. Yay for adoption.
When talking about this stuff at Christmas last year (don’t ask me why), one of my aunts said, “I don’t think it’s for me. If someone can’t have kids naturally, it must not be in God’s plan.”
My response: “Um, I don’t it’s in God’s plan for babies to grow up in orphanages without families.”
It’s fine if adoption isn’t for you, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t necessary or amazing.
I love the idea of adopting a child. Luke knows this, so maybe someday….
Operation Pink Herring
said,
October 3, 2007 at 5:39 pm
I know a few people from HS who were adopted, but that’s basically my only experience with adoption. I would love to adopt a child some day. In my perfect world, I would have one boy and one girl biologically and then adopt 1-2 more kids. This is all after I cash in my winning lotto ticket, of course.
MK
said,
October 3, 2007 at 5:43 pm
2 days in a row! wow! I am on a roll! I even poste don my side too..lol…
Anyways- great story. ready the end brought tears to me eyes. I work with people that have adopted children and were adopted themselves, but I don;t know much of the back story.
I agree with you that I have had thoughts of OMG what if something hapepned to Abbie or even see friends that are sharing suctody of their children and think about how hard it would be not see her everyday.
Children are such a blessing, whether you have them yourselves or you are blessed by someone choosing to give you theirs (even though it is the probably the hardest thing they could ever do).
sigh.
Christar
said,
October 3, 2007 at 6:29 pm
I used to have the same fears when I was younger. After watching a movie, I wondered if maybe I was adopted and never told, but then I realized I looked exactly like my mom and there was just no way. Not to mention all the pictures I was shown of my mom preggo with me.
I can’t recall any incidences where I’ve had a friend who was adopted, but I know that my great grandpa from my mom’s side was adopted.
I did have a friend who got pregnant her senior year of high school. She was devistated because she had a lot of ambitions and felt that she’d never achieve them. She wanted to get an abortion, but I talked to her about it and voiced my very strong opinion against abortion. I told her that she should turn to adoption because there’s so many people out there who want a baby. She decided to go with adoption instead and I was so happy.
At the end when she had her baby, she couldn’t give him up. She decided to keep him and as of today she lives in an apartment on her college campus with her 3-year-old son and is so happy.
Mrs. M
said,
October 3, 2007 at 7:22 pm
I am adopted and I have know about it my whole life. I think some parents get into trouble when they try to hide the adoption from their children. My mom always let me know that not only was I wanted very badly, but I was also picked out. That always made me feel so comforted when I was little.
My parents adopted me when I was less than a month old. I have often wondered why my birth mother didn’t want to keep me, but I do know from some paperwork my parents received that she was in the military and in her twenties. However, I have lived a wonderful life and am very lucky to have ended up with my family. I can only guess that my birth mother would be happy because I have led a wonderful life.
Now that I am having a baby I couldn’t for the life of my think about giving him/her up for adoption, but I have started thinking about getting in touch with my birth mom. I don’t think I ever will because even though I know my mom would understand I don’t think I could do that to my parents.
Ashlie
said,
October 3, 2007 at 7:51 pm
My little brother was adopted when he was 10 days old. It was pretty awesome for a 6 year old to go and “pick out” her little brother with her parents.
SJ
said,
October 3, 2007 at 7:55 pm
One of my good friends growing up had a brother that was adopted, and he knew it. Other than that, no other ’stories’ to share.
What a great post though, adoption is wonderful if it works for your situation.
bananas
said,
October 3, 2007 at 11:03 pm
I think that there is very little as brave and noble as adopting a child or giving up a child that you know you can’t give a good home. Really enjoyed this post.
velocibadgergirl
said,
October 4, 2007 at 1:02 am
This is a really lovely post. I’m adopted (closed, I was 25 days old), and so is my sister (closed, she was 2 months old).
The only thing I know about my birth mother is that she was only 17 when I was born.
I don’t have any curiosity about tracking her down, and I have no angst at all over her decision. The only thing I wish is that she is happy and has had a normal, full, and happy life.
I don’t mind talking about it, so if you (or anybody) has any questions, email me!
Fairly Odd Mother
said,
October 4, 2007 at 1:25 am
I don’t have much to share except that this was a lovely, riveting post to read. I commend anyone brave enough to consider adopting their child when they can’t be the parent they want to be. It must be such a hard decision.
Laura
said,
October 4, 2007 at 1:39 am
That was a fantastic post. Very thoughtful.
My mother was adopted and it defined her very being as her adoptive mother never let her forget it (in a negative way as younger and adored brother appeared 5 years later). I loved my granny very much but the psychological impact she had on my mother was very strong. I guess mothers are mothers, blood or not.
Della
said,
October 4, 2007 at 1:59 am
My Daddy was adopted. It wasn’t a big deal until his bio mom died and we were left with no medical histories whatsoever (bio dad was never in the picture). I was really mean to my younger sister and had her completely convinced that she was adopted! Maybe I am the adopted one! I look nothing like my siblings or father AT ALL!! My Daddy’s adoptive parents were the BESTEST Grandma and Grandpa in the whole wide world—I really miss them. Especially not having my children experience what REAL Grandparents are like.
Michelle Z
said,
October 4, 2007 at 4:27 am
When my husband & I got married, my daughter was 7. He adopted her about 7 months later - on Feb 13 (the only Valentines gift I’ll ever need)
It was so important for me - because finally, I didn’t have to worry about what would happen to my daughter, if something happened to me. Now, she had a daddy to look after her - no matter what.
Amanda
said,
October 4, 2007 at 4:37 am
What a beautiful story. I never once considered the idea that I might have been adopted. A lot of my friends did, but I just look SO MUCH like my dad that it’s impossible that I don’t share his DNA.
gorillabuns
said,
October 4, 2007 at 4:50 am
i always thought i was adopted otherwise, how could i have come from my crazy family?
but i’m not.
i’ve dated many an adopted guy and my husband’s older 1/2 brother was given up for adoption and later reconnected with his family when rich was in college.
he didn’t have a clue he had an older brother.
Elisette
said,
October 4, 2007 at 11:40 am
I have two cousins who are adopted - each of my father’s brothers adopted one child. I’ve never been close to my father’s family, not that it would have been an issue, but it was even less so…
Now my two nephews are adopted, ages 5 and 3. I can’t imagine them not in our family, but it’s still kind of always on my mind, especially since they’re very open with the boys. And the older boy is blond and blue eyed while the parents are brown hair, brown eyes. He noticed when he was around 3 that he was different, and it worried my SIL a lot. Other than that, they’re just and wonderful and annoying as the rest of the cousins in the family!
Jill
said,
October 4, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Back in the late 60’s early 70’s my Aunt (who was type 1 diabetic) gave birth to a little girl who was stillborn. With the Dr.s not knowing a whole lot about her disease back then, she was told not to have any more babies, because they would die. So, my Aunt and Uncle first adopted a little girl and then a boy.
Something about these kids just wasn’t right. Nothing was known about the birth parents, such as genetics or lifestyle. The Dr.s finally decided that both babies were born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The church that they went through for the adoption knew it, the State of adoption also knew it. But nobody thought it was important enough to tell my Aunt and Uncle.
My Aunt felt like she was chosen to be the mom of the babies that nobody wanted. It was very difficult at times. She never complained, she just put all of the energy she could into raising her kids.
My Aunt died 9 years ago from complications of kidney dialysis due to her diabetes. If I would have had a little girl, I was going to name it after her. She was a hero to me.
Sugared Harpy
said,
October 4, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Have you read Wet Feet?
She gives you a different view of adoption. From the birthmother’s point of view.
It may not always be in the mother’s best interest to put your child up for adoption.
I’m conflicted on my own views, so I can’t say how I feel exactly, but as a teen mom who had the family support to feel I could parent my children…I can say that there is hella pressure for young women to abort or adopt. That is * not * HER decision anymore. It may NOT be the best choice for her.
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said,
October 7, 2007 at 10:04 pm
[...] Hola Isabel (OK, I couldn’t stop at 10) [...]
Pet insurance, get your beloved animal insured right away! » Let’s see some comments folks!
said,
October 7, 2007 at 10:04 pm
[...] Hola Isabel (OK, I couldn’t stop at 10) [...]
Sara
said,
October 8, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Wow, what a great post. I’m a new reader.
Hi!
My daughter didn’t even think about adoption when she found out that she was pregnant. It’s not for everyone.
I’m not adopted nor do I know anyone that has given up a baby.
How wonderful for your friend though, that’s so great! I do know a few people that have adopted, it’s worked out great for them.
Rachel
said,
October 9, 2007 at 8:06 pm
Isabel, this was such a great post. Just great.
I don’t know anyone personally (that I am aware of) that is adopted or has given up a child for adoption.
I cannot imagine a harder decision and I commend those women that do make that choice because they know their child will have a better life. I’ve never been faced with a situtation where I even had to think about that, but I know that it happens every day.
There are so many couples and singles for that matter, that want children but, for whatever reason, cannot have them. Adoption gives them that dream and they, in turn, love that child like it was their own.
In which I talk about my on-going love affair | hola, isabel
said,
February 20, 2008 at 6:14 pm
[...] While working at the convenient store I spent a lot of time with my co-worker, Gretel, and her family. I remember going over to her house after work and hanging out in her bedroom, or changing our clothes there before going out. Her parents were always there, sitting on the couch in the front room, watching TV. Every time I saw them doing this I found it to be so odd. It was something I had never seen. Never ever did I come home to find both of my parents watching TV. Usually I would find my mom at the kitchen table reading a book. My dad would be out in the yard, feeding his horses or checking on the flower bed. [...]