Like a Fish Out of Water OR My Date to the Science CenterSeptember 24th, 2007 @ 7:01 am
While I’m sitting at my desk in my little cubicle every day there is this whole world that I’m missing out on. A world where mom’s wake up and cook their kids breakfast. A world where mom’s do laundry at their leisure and not in a frantic rush on Saturday mornings. A world where Elmo plays in the background so that mom can blog undisturbed. A world where mom’s throw their kids in their vans and head off to play dates with other moms and kids.
Since I’m a full-time working mom I don’t get the opportunity to be a part of this other world. The only playdates Babboo’s ever had involved my best friend May and May’s little girl. And let’s be honest, it was a playdate for May and me, not Babboo.
Ever since May moved away in August I’ve been trying to schedule a playdate to go to the Pacific Science Center. I had to think long and hard about who to invite, as this person could potentially become a new friend to Babboo and me. I began my e-mail requests for this playdate over a month ago. I asked multiple ladies I know, who also have kids, to join Babboo and I at the Science Center on any given Saturday.
They all wrote back and said they’d love to go, but that um, Saturday wouldn’t work.
Right, well Saturday is the only day I can go.
Eventually I got one of them to agree to meet Babboo and I at the Science Center this last Saturday. While she has a little girl that’s a few years older then Babboo, I figured it would still be fun.
And guess what? It was fun.
Babboo loved the NOAA displays and raced around looking for even more things to touch and play with. The little girl we were with loved the caterpillar sculpture. In fact she loved it so much she didn’t want to get off of it to go and see the butterfly house.
And forget about letting Babboo (or any other kid) have a chance to play on it. She was all about the (totally creepy looking) caterpillar.
While our kids were having fun with all the things to play with, I just loved having another mom to talk to.
As this was my first official playdate I’m a little confused on what the proper playdate etiquette is. I kept thinking about this the entire time we were at the Science Center. Were our kids supposed to stick together, therefore allowing the adults to stay close to each other and chat? Should I make Babboo look at the same displays the other kid was looking at? What if the other kid did something I didn’t approve of? Am I allowed to tell her to stop? What if they say something to my kid that I don’t approve of? Can I smack the other kid?
What if, what if, what if?
Seriously, what if something happens and I don’t know how to deal with it? Or what if I deal with it in a non-approved playdate manner. Will I never be allowed to have another playdate?
What if I get black listed from the playdate circuit?
I don’t think I’ll get blacklisted from future playdates with this mom. She suggested that Babboo and I take the bus to her house so we can make jewelry together for our next get-together. I just nodded my head and was all “sure, whatever.”
I’ve got to keep my cool. I don’t want to move too fast.
So tell me, what does go on at a playdate? What are The Rules? Does the other mom have to put out if I pay? Or is this a completely different set of rules?
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Head over to my other blog to read about my latest New Thing. Something very surreal happened to me after the long walk home from the Pacific Science Center.
City Living · Me · My Sweet Babboo · They're just my friends
Lisa B
said,
September 24, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Ohhh…. Those are some really great questions… Usually I’ve done playdates with good friends (like you did with May) SO I had a better idea of what behavior would “fly” and what wouldn’t. But doesn’t it sort of feel like a date when you don’t know the other person very well? Kinda funny — especially when you get married and feel all happy that you’ve left that sort of uncertainty behind.
Rachel
said,
September 24, 2007 at 6:48 pm
I’m thinking that it is almost always a bad idea to smack the other kids.
Notice I said “almost”. Sometimes, you just gotta smack a kid, ya know.
Nic
said,
September 24, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Yeah, I totally don’t have any answers. After a first date my regular question would be, “well did you kiss?” And I don’t think that quite fits here.
Laurel
said,
September 24, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Oh man, “Dating” a new friend is hard enough, dating new couple friends is even harder. I don’t even know how you handle dating new mom-and-kid friends!
Keri
said,
September 24, 2007 at 7:39 pm
I am in a similar situation as you, that working full time, I don’t know Playgroup “rules”. The only playdates I’ve ever been on are w/my existing friends.
Thats why I was so excited for R to start preschool, I was hoping both of us might meet new friends.
If you find out the rules, tell me!
Molly
said,
September 24, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Hmm, we don’t do many playdates. Maybe just a handful per year, and I’ve been at this raising kids thing for five years now. (Hello world! I’m a recluse!) The questions you brought up are also ones I have. I also usually arrange playdates with moms I know (read: not. many.) and would honestly prefer meeting those moms on a Thursday night at Applebees to chat without our children fighting over toys. I hope to someday live in a neighborhood (where someday just might be three weeks from now) where kids meet up outside and play, without the formality of the mothers involved.
I’m giving you no help here. I’m going to read your comments.
katie
said,
September 24, 2007 at 8:08 pm
I love the science center. Growing up we’d go there about 3 times a year. My favorite display was the dark room with a flash light that would leave my shadow on the wall behind me. Is that still there?
meritt
said,
September 24, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Being a full time Mommy doesn’t assure you the knowledge either! The pressure of the ‘what ifs’ and how to act and whether or not you can say anything if the other persons kid drove you absolutely insane was too much for me. I RARELY did play dates the whole time I was a full time Mom. LOL.
I did join a MOMS coffee group though, that didn’t involve children. Whew! Much easier to manage that one!
liz
said,
September 24, 2007 at 11:20 pm
i’d totally go on a playdate with you if i lived there…and i’d even make a half-hearted attempt to fish my wallet out of my purse to pretend like i’d pay my own way. it worked when i was single…lots of free beers back in the day. maybe that doesn’t work on playdates afterall.
Brittany
said,
September 24, 2007 at 11:20 pm
While you’re seeking for play date rules, would you mind finding out about who’s supposed to invite whom? I’ve done a couple of play dates with people, and I usually initiate them, so I’m thinking, since I invited them, it should be their turn to invite me. But then again, maybe since I took the initiative to have a play date, I’m the official ‘Arranger of the Play Dates’ and they’re all sitting around waiting for ME to invite THEM because that’s how it’s supposed to be.Or maybe they just hate me.
Just find out for me, will ya?
Loralee
said,
September 24, 2007 at 11:23 pm
Do you know how much I fear “The Playdate”?
Mainly because I fear other mothers. I live in SAHM world and man, they can be a judgmental lot in this neck of the woods.
My children have only had a few play dates and that was just this year (They’re 11 and 8 for pete’s sake!)
Elisette
said,
September 25, 2007 at 12:59 am
Seriously, am I the minority here? We go to two playgroups a WEEK. And I met all my mom friends on the computer (meetup.com). We have playdates on weekends so that working moms can go! Our rules are:
–Don’t overstay your welcome. (about 2-3 hours is the limit of any playdate).
–Parent your kid. And yes, my kid has hit, pushed, yelled at, grabbed things from, etc LOTS of other kids. And vice versa. If a mom judges you for that, she’s sliping Xanax in her drink or her kids sippy.
Really, there’s not much more than that.
Durga
said,
September 25, 2007 at 2:55 am
There is a sad under-tone in this post.
Do u feel u r missing out on this ‘other’ world?
metalia
said,
September 25, 2007 at 3:25 am
Oh, Isabel. I SO COMPLETELY RELATE to the first part of your post. I’m so glad that the playdate was fun, though!
H
said,
September 25, 2007 at 4:31 am
Wait? Where’s the world where Elmo plays in the background and gives me a chance to blog? Elmo may occupy one kid’s time, but the other stands at the gate and cries until I come back in the room.
And, the laundry usually gets done when one or the other has run out of clean pajamas.
I don’t even want to think about playdates - I have twins, aren’t they playmate/torture victim enough for each other?
I so totally get the fear of other mothers…
super des
said,
September 25, 2007 at 2:18 pm
That place sounds like fun, playdate or no.
Operation Pink Herring
said,
September 25, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I think she owes you, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.
Abbie
said,
September 25, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Lucky you, I don’t come across too many 31 year old mommies with 11 year old sons.
and the 31 year old mommies have sons or children in general younger than my kid. They use him to practice their martial arts skills most of the time.
Not fun.
Vesper
said,
September 25, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Not actually being a mom no one may think this advice good. But in nanny world, its a lot like what Elisette was talking about. When I used to nanny and we had a playdate usually I was just in charge of both kids. Then rules that applied to my kid would also apply to playdate, meaning they would recieve the same rewards/punishments. If the playdate’s mom/nanny was there, then you basically just make sure to look after your kid and make sure they stay in line. If they aren’t then do something about it. And if the other kid is doing something to your kid and you want them to stop and the other mom/nanny isn’t stopping them its ok to 1:say something to other mom/nanny or 2: say something to kid yourself. As long as your not a meany both other mom/nanny will be happy and kid will wish that their mom/nanny is as cool as you. Usually distracting them works well. And as long as both kids are in eyesight of both you and other mom/nanny, its totally fine if they aren’t looking at the same thing at a museum! Those kinds of places are usually stimulation overload anyway!
Lindsey
said,
September 25, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Holy crap. I have NO IDEA!
hydrogeek
said,
September 26, 2007 at 5:38 pm
All I know is that the first part of this post really resonated with me. Thanks again for saying what I’m thinking.
Midwest Texan
said,
September 27, 2007 at 8:58 pm
Wow. I just learned more than I ever wanted to know about Elmo on wikipedia. Thanks for the link.
the wikipedia entry for playdate was very interesting also, but unfortuantely didn’t include any rules! Maybe we should start a list of rules on there.
oh, and one last note - the best playdate in St. Louis involves Grant’s Farm, where kids get to ride a train and see animals and the moms get to drink free beer at the beer garden thanks to the sponsorship of Anheuser-Busch!