Do you know what would make a Monday suck even more?August 6th, 2007 @ 5:01 am
Hi. You look pretty today. Seriously, did you do something new with your hair? Because it totally suits you. And are you wearing new shoes? I love them. They show off how tiny and pretty you are. I’m not just saying that. It’s true. You’re pretty.
(nervously thinks of something else that I can type up instead of what I’m about to type.)
Guess what I’m doing today.
Go on, guess. I’ll give you a second to think about it.
If you guessed that I was having a colonoscopy then you totally won!
Because, yes, that’s how I’m spending today. And I’m not too excited about the whole thing. Of course I trust my doctor when he says I need to do this. But still, I’ve done it before and it ain’t pretty. So while you’ll all be just hanging out today minding your own business, maybe at work, maybe at home, maybe even on vacation, I’ll be completely knocked out while someone tries to extract stuff from my bummy.
Not something I want to spend too much time talking about with the interweb. So let’s talk about something else.
How about you tell me about the time your mom left a book about The Birds and Bees under your pillow in a veiled attempt to get out of having to look you in the eyes and tell you about it herself.
(Oh wait, that was me.)
So why don’t you just tell me how you found out about The Birds and Bees.
I rock
Jezer
said,
August 6, 2007 at 10:54 am
OK, so from rereading about the first one, I’m going to optimistically assume that that this is a follow-up sort of thingy? Either way, the whole process sounds like it really sucks (no solids + the medicine, all before the actual procedure = insult to injury imo). I hope it all goes easily for you.
Oh, and about the birds and bees, my mom gave me a copy of Dr. James Dobson’s “Preparing for Adolescence” to read. Lame-o.
Stephanie
said,
August 6, 2007 at 11:46 am
Wooooooo. Extracting from the bummy. That is no fun.
Talking about sex with your parents, I imagine that wouldn’t be fun. My parents never talked to me about it, so I wouldn’t know.
But don’t think I have been spared from embaressing sex stories, my husband’s crazy ass mom talks about her and her husband’s sex life with me.
Yeah, I can also top that with the fact that I have seen his sister’s and his mother’s ta ta’s and who ha’s. Yes, completely unneccesary.
Jessie
said,
August 6, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Good luck today! I know it’s not fun, but it is worth getting done if you need it (can you tell I work with a colorectal cancer screening program?).
I don’t remember how I learned about the birds and the bees, I think it just sort of settled in bit by bit. I know neither of my parents ever talked to me about it.
Lizzy
said,
August 6, 2007 at 1:15 pm
good luck today. yowch.
a few years back (before K and the baybee), I had a lower GI and whilst being tilted this way and that on that funny table, and who knows what with the bummy, I’m told I thought I was very funny and asked the doctor guy out for dinner.
Needless to say, not so much.
I can’t remember the Birds and the Bees talk. I know my mother did give me the book “Period.” about menses (you would’ve LOVED it), and also the ubiquitous, Our Bodies, Our Selves.
Emily
said,
August 6, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Exact same thing. Except the book (”What’s Happening To Me?”) was laying on my dresser. I didn’t look my mom in the eyes for a week.
stefanie
said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Ooh. That does, indeed sound like no fun at all. Good luck with that.
As for the birds and the bees, my mom read me a picture book called “Where did I come from?” when she was pregnant with my little sister. I was only five years old, so luckily I was too young to know I should be mortified. I think when I got to the age where it was actually meaningful information for ME, my mom assumed I’d just figure it out on my own.
Laurel
said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Good luck with the colonoscopy.
I have 2 grandfathers who have had colon cancer or polyps and a dad with Crohn’s Disease… so my time will come. Colon-wise, I am totally genetically screwed.
Erin
said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:45 pm
I got to read both books…What’s Happening to Me AND Where Did I Come From? The creepy cartoon characters pictures have scarred me for life.
Good luck with the colonoscopy!
Molly
said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Good luck today. I hope it goes okay.
I learned about the birds and the bees from a book my mom bought me at our school book fair, no less. I don’t remember the title, but I do remember reading the “common questions” section and one of the questions asking about Ben Ariel’s disease. The author then explained all about VD, and I wondered why the hell that stupid question had to be in the book in the first place.
Fraulein N
said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Heh. Nobody ever had a talk with me about the birds and the bees. My mother would have sooner chewed off her own hand. I think I learned where babies come from - literally - by flipping through my sister’s nursing textbook. Scarred. For. Life.
Good luck with the colonoscopy! You know they have “virtual” colonoscopies now, right? I am definitely going that route if/when the time comes.
Brittany
said,
August 6, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Good luck with the… uhhh…. procedure.
My sister taught me about the B&Bs one night while we were laying in our beds watching the ceiling fan above us shake…. the ceiling fan right below our parents room. I learned even more when we found a vibrator in our older sister’s bed. Found out what she was doing while talking to her boyfriend on the Internet at night. Ahem.
Monica
said,
August 6, 2007 at 3:51 pm
My daughter (1st child) at 6 weeks old had to have 2/3 of her colon removed and a colostomy. She is now 12 and it is a never ending problem, I feel your pain. Good luck today!
I think the first birds and bee’s talk was from my step-dad, very embarrassing. It wasn’t even a real sex talk it was just about stranger danger, and bad touching. My mom never said a word. I think I eventually learned the whole truth from friends and health class.
Bethiclaus
said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:05 pm
My mom was the crazy over-sharer. I can’t even remember not knowing about the sex. I do remember getting in big trouble for telling everyone in my kindergarten class how it all went down.
Phoenix
said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:09 pm
I never had “the talk”. I learned about it from the sex ed classes… that weren’t really informative. And I think by the time I had the last one in high school, I was already having sex. I seem to remember some -awful- mint that said Sex is the Mint of Marriage! Or something like that. ugh.
Good luck with your, umm, appointment. I hope it goes… smoothly?
Audrey
said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:38 pm
I never had “the talk” either. I learned all about it from sex ed classes in school. The morning before the first such class, my mom let me know that if I had any questions at the end of the day I could ask her. And that was pretty much that.
I am totally okay with that, too. But Tim, for some reason, maintains that we will have The Talk with our kids when the time comes, even though all he got was a book that mysteriously appeared in his bathroom one day. And to that, I say, “You have fun with that, honey! I’ll be busy in the other room, avoiding the awkwardness.”
Good luck today!
Rachel
said,
August 6, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Good luck today!! Hope everything goes, um, smoothly.
I honestly do not remember how I learned about sex. I do remember my mom telling me about getting my period when I was around 8 years old or so.
Whiskeymarie
said,
August 6, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Someone at school’s parents had a book, and like any good game of “telephone”, it was about 13 seconds before the scandal had spread throughout the entire 5th grade lunch hour.
For years I thought that, to get pregnant, men & women laid side by side (naked) and a salmon laid eggs that went in the woman’s belly and made a baby.
Luckily about 3 years ago I figured out what was wrong with that scenario.
Anna
said,
August 6, 2007 at 5:42 pm
A few years ago I was having lots of digestive “problems” so I was referred to a gastroenterologist. I went to the appointment and was surprised to see that all of the patients in the wating room were at least 40 years older than me. It turns out he was a geriatric gastroenterologist. I also had a very difficult time understanding a lot of what he said due to a fairly thick accent. The next thing I knew his hand was in a place where no hand had gone before.
I think the whole experience shocked my system into behaving itself because I haven’t had any real issues since.
As for the birds and the bees? I was allowed to watch the Real World on MTV as a youngster. I never got an official talk beyond the often repeated “Don’t Get Pregnant”.
Rhi
said,
August 6, 2007 at 6:26 pm
HA! Catholic School Playground in Seattle (or maybe Renton?)in the 2nd grade. It was right after Steven V. (my one and only true love)was gyrating his hips atop the monkey bars and my more mature friend Kelly turned to me and said, “That Steve thinks he’s such a sex object.” Huh! A sex object, so I had to go ahead and ask what that was. My bad.
SJ
said,
August 6, 2007 at 6:54 pm
My parents never talked to me about it……ever. I guess you could say I just figured things out for myself. Sad I know, but that’s what happened.
Good luck today.
CPA Mom and Soccer Mom Angela
said,
August 6, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Oh, I’m so glad you are doing this “isabel.” Remember your post back in February when I encouraged you to do so because Jane was battling colon cancer then. She died just a few weeks later. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I got my colon cancer awareness tattoo either…Thank you for having this done.
michelle de seattle
said,
August 6, 2007 at 8:44 pm
From now on, every time I read an article about how raisins or whatever help prevent colon cancer, I’m gonna send it to you, and then you’ll get a restraining order, and then I’ll be all sad and stuff.
I learned most of my sex ed stuff from Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and Discover Magazines. I think my mom is still convinced I’m not old enough to hear about sex.
meritt
said,
August 6, 2007 at 10:31 pm
I’m a little late on the post as I just made it here for the first time today and it’s already after 5:pm. I hope your “thing that we will not speak of” went ok and it wasn’t too painful or embarrassing.
As for birds and bee’s…. school. Classes in 5th grade (which was way too young as I had NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER at that age and it was painfully embarrassing and I learned nothing.) 6th wasn’t much better but the classes in 7th and 8th were helpful and appreciated.
Mother? Parents? BAH HA. You must not read my blog if you think my mother is capable of anything like that.
anna
said,
August 6, 2007 at 11:28 pm
I hope everything went well and that you are fully recovered by now.
angela
said,
August 7, 2007 at 12:28 am
You poor thing! It’s a really good thing they knock you out for that.
As for the birds and the bees, I don’t know if I can remember exactly when I learned. I think it must have been from a really reliable source, such as the other kids at school, followed by health class, followed by a chat with my mom. Gag, I would have loved to just have a freaking book left under my pillow and had it all over with already!
Lisa B
said,
August 7, 2007 at 1:44 am
Hope all went well today.
As for the birds and bees… I found out at a party… The parents were having drinks, we kids were left to our own devices and a girl a year younger told me. And she was VERY graphic. I was so not ready to know. I would sit in church after that and think about it (cause what else is there to do in a Catholic mass, especially when you go each school-day morning) and I’d get so sick, I’d have to sit in the bathroom with my head between my legs to keep from vomiting. (Yeah, definitely not ready to hear it.)
Brie
said,
August 7, 2007 at 2:19 am
I hope everything um comes out all right from your appointment today.
Learned about the Birds and the Bees from my mom while cooking dinner. My dad walked in on the conversation and was so traumatized by hearing his wife and his baby girl (I’m the firstborn) that he didn’t turn around, he walked out backwards. Seriously.
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » Four is less then seven. It’s simple math.
said,
August 7, 2007 at 4:32 pm
[…] Be assured, yesterday’s talk of how you heard about the birds and the bees was about a zillion times better then hearing more about how I spent yesterday. […]
Nic
said,
August 7, 2007 at 5:35 pm
A friend’s mother gave her the book. She told me that the penis went inside your vagina. I was in disbelief. Of course, I was also thinking that you peed from your vagina. So I asked a babysitter who assured me that there was a third hole which confused the hell out of me because there were only holes for pee and poop and then I had to look.
My mom didn’t tell me much at all when I was younger, and then it was like the floodgates opened after she got divorced and she shared too much of her sex life and I’m still kind of scarred.
anne nahm
said,
August 7, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Hahahaha - but seriously? Please don’t make me think of colonoscopy in the same sentence as something sucking. Because the cross-contamination image leaves (heh) a bad taste in my mouth.
:^) Couldn’t resist. Hope everything went well.
FunnyGal KAT
said,
August 7, 2007 at 5:55 pm
My mom went the opposite way of all those moms who never said anything. We not only had a book that she read through with my sister and I, but– wait for it– it was a pop-up book! It was about how babies developed, but it naturally led to questions about how they got in Mom’s tummy in the first place.
Christar
said,
August 7, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I always heard my friends talking about stuff, but never really understood it. Until my mom sat me down and told me about it all, and I do mean all. So embarrassing. I am jealous of my friends who just learned from their siblings or other friends, lol. But I also appreciate that my mom feels open enough to talk to me about it, when most parents don’t.