“Practical Thoughts on the First Year of Marriage” by a fabulous guest bloggerJuly 26th, 2007 @ 5:01 am
Hola, hola, isabel readers! Today Isabel is partying in Chicago with all the cool kids and I, Janet, of loveisblonde.com, will be your guest blogger for the day.
Don’t worry though, because Isabel and I are so similar that you might not even notice she’s gone. For example, we both love to lay on the beaches of Mexico (some of us more naked than others). We both have orange cats. We both like to make homemade holiday cards. We both love Ira Glass. We both live in tiny, one bedroom apartments. We both are (hopefully) moving to new homes soon, except that (in case you were not aware of the awesomeness of The King), Isabel’s husband is BUILDING THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE WITH HIS BARE HANDS. My husband? He just logs on to ZipRealty from time to time and points and grunts.
If you read my blog, you know that I got married late last year, which means I get to claim the title of newlywed for just a few more months. In addition to the wonderful bliss that is merging you heart and soul with another person, I have a few other, slightly more practical thoughts on the first year of marriage.
First, I believe it’s perfectly rational to keep the newlywed bliss alive by refusing to use wedding gifts out of fear they might get broken or dirty. Please see the brand new luxury bedding still in its package in our closet or the entire set of gorgeous white everyday dishes sitting in my mother-in-law’s house. Their shiny-new sparkle and bubble wrap coating make me feel like my wedding was just yesterday.
(This drives my husband absolutely bonkers. In my defense, I have promised that we can finally break out the new stuff once we move into a new house. Unfortunately, it’s looking like that might not happen until 2028 and by then everything will be outdated.)
Second, it’s not all that easy to go through a 100 pack of condoms. I know people think most newlyweds are so in love that they can’t keep their hands off each other, but it often seems like the stress and exhaustion of everyday life gets in the way. My advice? As often as you can without arising suspicion, take a day off and visit the play “doctor.” Don’t you know that’s what “sick days” are meant for?
Third, and I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before, but husbands who build houses for their wives WITH THEIR BARE HANDS are hotties. Other, less talented men, such as my husband are still hot because they do their own laundry and scoop the cat litter every day without being asked. Men + chores = true love.
Fourth, and this one is important: Once you become a Mrs., you are not allowed to purchase any of those trendy, baggy shirts that are currently available in every store from Nordstrom to Target. People will assume it’s a maternity top and that you are pregnant. This is bad when all you’re “pregnant” with is quintuplet Krispy Kremes.
Fifth and last, I now know that sharing money with someone is perhaps more intimate than sharing, ohhhh, let’s say a 100 pack of condoms. It’s a little odd to log into online banking and know how your husband spent every dollar. Among the things I have learned since we joined finances: How much an annual subscription to Playboy magazine costs and that golf is the most expensive “sport” on the planet.
For those of you reading this who plan to get married sometime soon, I hope I have not totally burst your bubble about the true joys of marriage. And for those of you who are already married or living with your honey, please feel free to add you own insights to the list.
And thanks to the lovely Isabel for letting me rent some space over here on her blog while she’s gone. And the Vegas rule (“what happens in Vegas…”) doesn’t apply to Chicago, so you better come back with some juicy stories!
Guest posts
Marriage-101
said,
July 26, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Love the guest post! Thanks Janet!
Laurel
said,
July 26, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Hi Janet (and Isabel)!
My main concern about marriage / cohabitation is… how do you inspect your pores and pick at your face with maximum privacy? I think the space to inspect / pick is critical to my well-being.
Janssen
said,
July 26, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Awesome post! And I couldn’t agree more that men + chores = true love. Nothing makes me happier than when Bart empties the dishwasher.
Julie
said,
July 26, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Hey Janet!! (Hola Isabel!)
When moving in with your other half you also discover that it was not your mates old roommates that would leave their dirty dishes in the sink… but it was in fact your mate that was the dirty one. S/he just blamed the roommates to trick you.
Meag
said,
July 26, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Janet - enjoyed this one very much and discovered Isabel’s funny blog! Thank you for fostering my addiction.
While not married yet, we have been co-habitating for the past 7 months. For me the bloom was definitely off the rose once the boyfriend started announcing when he had to “drop a deuce”.
On the other hand he also started cooking actual meals (good ones too!) as opposed to just breaking out the beer, crackers and string cheese.
On the whole, I’d say a pretty fair trade.
heidikins
said,
July 26, 2007 at 2:57 pm
As much as I would love to comment on the actuality of a first year of marriage - I will refrain… let’s just say I am very happy to have sole control of the remote and not have to launder smelly gym socks anymore.
)
Love you both,
xox
elise
said,
July 26, 2007 at 3:11 pm
What a fun guest post!
Here’s my favorite newlywed concept:bathroom etiquette. Some couples have an “all doors are always welcome to be open” policy, others have a “no talk, no discuss, pretend it doesn’t happen” policy, and then there are the millions of versions in between. And usually the two getting married aren’t on the exact same end of that spectrum, which can lead to some…err…interesting discoveries!
janet
said,
July 26, 2007 at 3:16 pm
your comments are hilarious, ladies…I didn’t bring up the bathroom stuff because I didn’t want to be divorced after my first guestblogging attempt, but let me just say I UNDERSTAND. haha.
Laurel - I guess I just have no shame about the face picking, because I do not need to do it in private. Luckily, assuming your cohabitator is employed and has a life, there will be some time when you are home alone and can take care of such important matters.
Rachel
said,
July 26, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Great post Janet!! Sunday is my 2nd anniversary, so I guess, technically, I’m not a newlywed anymore.
How about this though: why can’t you wash out the sink after you shave. I don’t leave a ring of hair around the bathtub, do I?
Operation Pink Herring
said,
July 26, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Janet, are you sure you’re not married to Joel? Because we have two big, fluffy, brand new pillows taking up space in our closet…. while we sleep on ratty old pilows every night. They even have names like “Lumper” and “Pancake”!
Jihan
said,
July 26, 2007 at 3:46 pm
As a recent graduate of the first year of marriage, I attest to everything Janet said. The girl speaks the scary truth. I have chills… Especially from her fourth piece of Newlywed wisdom: With one baggy shirt, you will be dodging baby questions and “knowing” looks from every family member, and every friend…soo much so, that you might even be confused into thinking that “Well, maybe I am pregnant?” You’re not. Also, don’t you dare take prenatal vitamins (even IF your doctor says you should—regardless of NOT having plans to bear a child)….and whatever you do, don’t cut your hair off. “Ohh, short hair is soo practical. You must be getting ready to have a baby!”
Chiada
said,
July 26, 2007 at 4:10 pm
As an old married broad (8 years this August), I’d like to give you my greatest piece of wisdom: “Let it go.” Any time you are pissed off, frustrated, angy, venting, fuming, etc. over all those annoying habits of hubby, just let it go and get on with life. Learn to accept certain things (and learn the art of gently nudging the other things into their proper place) and life will be so much more peaceful. You will avoid all the petty little fights over “why did you just fart under the sheets?!?” and “can’t you help me with the dishes when you see that I’m slaving over the sink full of sudsy water?” and “why can’t you use PAM on the frickin’ pans before you fry up your stupid sausage?!!!” Anyways, you get my point. You could drive eachother crazy nitpicking everything apart. The only reason I’m lecturing you all like this is because I’ve been through it. I’ve been through all the fights, and they aren’t fun. Now that I’ve just learned to accept and to gently sway, the fights are less often and less intense. We are both much happier and made it passed the rocky years. Here’s to long weddedness!
Lindsey
said,
July 26, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Chiada’s advice is awesome. I could use a few more lessons in how to not nitpick. I’m a nitpicker, a mild control freak and I like things to be clean and where they should be(as I have dictated). I need to let go a little, I KNOW. I’ve lived with Edgar for almost 3 years now and as you both know, I am getting married next year. I doubt much about the day to day will change, but the finance thing worries me a little…okay a lot. I’m a saver and I don’t have debt. Edgar, not so much. I need advice about keeping the peace in that department.
Janet–I’m happy to know that the exhaustion of working and all of that is normal and I’m not the only one who struggles to keep the “romance alive.” I thought we would be romantical more often when we moved in together, but it really is quite the opposite. My goal is at least 1-2 times a week, but ideally 3-4 times would be grrreat! LOL Your “sick day” advice is good…I think I’ll try that sometime!
Awesome post…best guest post EVER!
cady
said,
July 26, 2007 at 4:34 pm
great post! i have to agree with the chore thing. cleaning out the litter box *is* true love.
JennBo
said,
July 26, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Janet: You are 100% correct about the cute baggy top. I wore one to work I got the “are you pregnant question”. Twice. The “mrs.” title I got last July seems to have everyone waiting. I feel your pain.
alison
said,
July 26, 2007 at 5:15 pm
But when you are ready to try and have “baby make three” that’s a fun thing to do in your first year of marriage too!Condoms make me feel so high school naughty anyway!
Abbie
said,
July 26, 2007 at 5:44 pm
This is hilarious, this post, the condom one and the Condom comments. Not married but will surely keep these point in mind.
Edge
said,
July 26, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Awesome post .. and the men + chores = love, sister, that wears off really fast. My wife used to love it when I mowed the lawn. I was guaranteed to ummm … knock a number off the remaining condom count. Alas, after a few mowings it became, “Ya, so you mowed the yard …”
I’ve learned to pay with cash … so much easier to hide!
~Jef
Nic
said,
July 26, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Yay! I loved this post.
alyndabear
said,
July 26, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Good work, Janet! Loved this post, funny AND true.. haha
Have fun Isabel.
Christar
said,
July 26, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Haha, that was a great post!
I could relate to some of those, even though I’m not married.
Alexa
said,
July 27, 2007 at 3:26 am
100 condoms- Costco purchase? You can like count the times you’ve done it this year with a box like that (but keep the answer to ya yourself, K??)
angela
said,
July 27, 2007 at 3:35 am
Great post, Janet! We’ve been kind of the same way with some of our new housewares. After so many years of having to deal with crappy hand-me-downs, we’re afraid to actually use nice things.
Hilary
said,
July 27, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Nothing turns me on more than when my husband unloads or loads the dishwasher. Also? I’m so glad he doesn’t play golf.
Audrey
said,
July 27, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Great guest post, Janet!
Monica
said,
July 28, 2007 at 9:53 pm
Great guest post.
I love hearing about newleyweds, (we are in the wedding business)and the growing pains.