The tale of my brother/unclesJuly 10th, 2007 @ 7:01 am
I may have mentioned before that I was raised along side my twin uncles. What I haven’t mentioned is why they lived with us. In the telling of this story I must preface it by saying this may or may not be the actual truth. Things may not really have happened like this. This is only the way I remember it to be.
This story begins a long time ago. Long before I was born, long before my parents even met.
My Dad was born and raised in the back hills of West Virginia. I don’t know a lot about his life then. In fact, one of the few things I do know is that my Dad is one of nine kids. My dad is number three. Or four. I’m not sure. I know that when my dad was about 17 his mom, whom I never met, left her husband, took her younger kids, and moved out west to the Promised Land. (Also known as the Washington coast.)
A few years after moving out west my grandma found out she had lung cancer from her years spent smoking. She died quickly. By this time my parents were newlyweds and raising their new baby boy in another state. When my grandma finally died she left behind five kids under the age of eighteen. Nobody knew what to do with them. My grandpa was long out of the picture. Heck, nobody wanted him in the picture. There was nobody that was willing to take these five kids. Nobody except my 21 year old Mom and 23 year old Dad.
They lived with us for as long as they needed to. One by one my aunt and uncles grew up and moved out. One of my uncles joined the military, another one lived with his football coach and his family, my aunt got married. The only ones left were the twins. Twin boys that were 11 when they first moved in with us. I don’t think I was born when all the others lived with us. By the time I was a toddler it was just the twins. As far as I know, they were always there when I was a kid. I didn’t think it was odd or unusual. It was all I knew.
(My aunt, who lived with us, changing my diaper)
When I was in elementary school my Dad got hurt at work and decided to go back to school. In Oregon. We packed up and moved far away. One of the twins didn’t want to come with us. Eddie had made good friends with a family from church, so he stayed back and lived with them. He wanted to finish up high school there.
That means we were left with only one of the twins, Teddy. Looking back this breaks my heart that these poor kids were separated even more. I really don’t know everything behind this part of the story. I just know that one of them came with us, and the other one stayed with that other family.
I knew Teddy wasn’t my brother. I knew the word uncle. But to me that was the same thing. We treated each other like any sibling would. He picked on me, when needed. And I begged him to let me hang out with him. He was a bit older then us, but he still had to share a room with my brother. He did chores like us and got in trouble when he did something wrong. He was treated the exact same by my parents.
I never felt like Teddy wasn’t welcome or that he shouldn’t be there. As far as I knew, he belonged. I never thought about what my parents thought about the situation. I didn’t know there were any other options. I never considered what my uncle must have thought about this set up.
When we got a little older Teddy moved away. He lived in Peru for a few years and then came back to live with us. He joined the military and spent time in Europe and then moved back to the States and lived with us, he even got married for a bit and then divorced. During all of this, he was always a part of our family. On Mother’s Day he called my Mom. He spent Christmas with us, every year.
When I became an adult I started to think more about this whole situation. I realized this wasn’t the norm. I was confused as to why my very young parents were the ones that took the kids when my grandma died. I didn’t understand why my dad’s older siblings didn’t step up and help, why my grandpa didn’t do anything.
I asked my mom what she thought about raising the younger siblings of her husband at such a young age. She was very honest and told me something that, to be honest, shocked me. She told me she resented it. She pointed out to me that we had never had a family picture taken while any of the kids lived with us. She said she didn’t want them in our family picture and she didn’t know how to get one taken and not include them. So we just never got one.
It’s true, we don’t have any family pictures from that time. I wonder if any of them noticed this.
I talked to Teddy about all of this when I was in my 20’s. We were sitting in a car. I don’t know why. He told me that he realized pretty early on that he had been abandoned. He knew he hadn’t been wanted. He remember the last time he had seen his dad. He figured he was about 15 and the whole experience was very uncomfortable. He knew, at that moment, that he wasn’t going to see his dad again. And he didn’t.
My aunt and uncles all love my mom. They know she did her best with what she was given. When we’re with any of them in public they call her “mom”. When Teddy met the (second) women he would marry a few years back, it was our family he brought his fiancee home to meet. Their kids call my parents “grandma and grandpa”. There’s no point in confusing it all any more, so they happily let it happen.
My Dad told me that at one point he asked his older brother for some money. My family was struggling financially and they needed some help to pay for food for all the kids that my parents were raising. His brother laughed at him and told him he didn’t know why my dad wasn’t driving around in a brand new truck with all the money he was getting from the government. My dad said he wasn’t getting any money from anyone. And everything he earned went to providing for all of us.
It’s my understanding that my parents never got any financial help. Since my grandpa was alive, my parents couldn’t (and probably didn’t want to) legally adopt any of the kids. They didn’t have any legal rights over these kids. My uncles couldn’t get their drivers licenses because my parents couldn’t legally sign for it. There was just a lot of little things like this that caused greater problems.
The twins are both grown up now. Heck, I’d even say they were old. For the crappy hand they were dealt, they’ve done okay in life. They are both about as wacky as could be. But they’re fun to be around, when we are all around. I have a very special place in my heart for Teddy and his sweet wife and little family.
Ironically enough Eddie lived in Seattle for years and years just a few blocks from where The King lived. On my first trip out to Seattle I ran into him on the sidewalk outside his apartment. Eddie left to move closer to my parents on the exact same weekend I moved out here to Seattle to marry The King.
Typing up this story I realize a lot of it is missing. There are pieces that I should know. Questions I should ask my parents, or my uncles. It’s alarming that I’m 32 and don’t know all there is behind this story. I don’t know what my dad thought about this, or how my mom feels towards the twins now. I don’t know if my parents were asked to raise these kids or if they were just left with them when no one else came to get them.
I only see it through the eyes I lived it through. The eyes that watched Teddy love me like his little sister, the eyes that peeked out behind the door when he went on his first date, the eyes that darted around in the airport when he came home from Peru. As far as I know, we loved them all. And they were a part of our family.
And always will be.
And as for my mom, well, she’ll always be a Saint. I know 21- year-old-Isabel wouldn’t have been able to do this with the same amount of grace and love that she did.
They're just my family · Back in the day
angela
said,
July 10, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Isabel, that story brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing family you have, and especially what Saints for parents!
Jeannette
said,
July 10, 2007 at 2:58 pm
I love the way you tell your family stories. I don’t know if I’m feeling sad or happy after reading this one but I know that you have an incredible family and very courageous parents.
Molly
said,
July 10, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Wow, that’s amazing. What a sacrifice for your parents to make. I hope you find out the answers to your unanswered questions.
Eris
said,
July 10, 2007 at 4:11 pm
must…stop…tears…can’t…cry…at…work
It sounds like someone has to piece together the story and it may as well be you.
Keri
said,
July 10, 2007 at 4:43 pm
What a heartwarming story. It brought tears to my eyes.
Carrisa
said,
July 10, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Oh man… your parents really are Saints! No wonder you turned out so angelic and kind.
Rachel
said,
July 10, 2007 at 5:39 pm
You have such an amazing family! That is such a sad and sweet story. However it happened, the twins are lucky that they had someone to take care of them and a family to love and grow up with.
Laurel
said,
July 10, 2007 at 6:00 pm
I think it’s good to remember it just how you experienced it. It’s completely understandable that your mom struggled with the responsibility of raising your dad’s siblings when she was so, so young, but it’s wonderful the way you, as a kid just accepted and loved people unquestioningly.
MK
said,
July 10, 2007 at 7:46 pm
wow. That says alot about what a wonderul person your Mom us and a little resentment at that age makes sense - it was a lot to be dumped on her.
I always love it when you share stories of your past - always interesting to hear about everyones backgrounds and how childhoods are different.
Whiskeymarie
said,
July 10, 2007 at 8:10 pm
What a good story- it seems we had marginally similar upbringings. We very often had family living with us- my uncle and 2 cousins lived with us for over 2 years at one point. I like to think that it gives us a broader view of “family”, in a way.
Ask your parents the details sometime. Down the road you’ll be glad you did.
SJ
said,
July 10, 2007 at 8:16 pm
I always wonder about my family’s history, being that I’m the youngest (by 10 years) of six kids. I too have a lot of questions for my Mom, Dad and brothers and sisters because I don’t know a lot. I’m going to ask one of these days and I think you should too. You might just discover more wonderful things about your family, and to me that’s worth it.
What a great story, thanks for sharing.
Christar
said,
July 10, 2007 at 8:34 pm
That is so touching that your parents took care of all those kids. Unbelievable! Seriously, that is an awesome story, and your parents are obviously, very good people.
Frema
said,
July 11, 2007 at 2:19 am
Both of your parents were so unselfish to give up their private family time and embrace your uncles like they were their own children, but yes, I think especially your mom was a saint as well. Shame on your father’s siblings for shirking their responsibilities and dumping them on such a young, newly married couple.
anna
said,
July 11, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Hooray for awesome parents! Maybe you could print this off for your dad and let him know you have so many more questions.
Lisa B
said,
July 12, 2007 at 4:02 am
What a beautiful post lady. Very honest and so amazing.
And yes, your parents (especially your mom) are saints for taking on extra children. I don’t think I could do that at 34, much less 21!
Audrey
said,
July 12, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Thank you for sharing this story. You’ve got a really interesting family history, and you are very good at telling stories like this one.
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » In which I worry about naming a baby that isn’t even mine
said,
July 18, 2007 at 5:34 pm
[…] My Dad has a very pompous name. Think Thurston J. Howell The Third, ala Gilligans Island. The name itself isn’t so out of place these days. Although I’m sure as a child growing up in the back hills of West Virginia it sounded quite out of place. […]
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » Does actually have sex in a bathroom? I mean, really.
said,
August 16, 2007 at 6:10 pm
[…] We moved into the house that will forever be known as The House on 13th Street. I guess because we lived on 13th Street. My family is muy clever like that. We all look back at this house with fond memories. It was, by far, the nicest house we ever lived in. It was newly built and was big enough to fit all of us. I even had my own bedroom. […]
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » The post that I’ve wanted to write forever, but felt like I might be judged too harshly
said,
August 20, 2007 at 6:12 pm
[…] We were poor when I was growing up. Not only were my parents raising their four kids, they were also raising my dad’s siblings, with no help from anyone. Oh yeah, and my parents both decided to go back to college. All of this equals no money. […]
LaLa
said,
August 21, 2007 at 11:27 am
Man… I am SO going to have to read your archives to catch up on your life.
I am all a little bit teary now.
You really do have the most amazing parents.
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » You were made for me
said,
October 2, 2007 at 5:52 pm
[…] I grew up and realized that I was just being silly. Of course I wasn’t adopted. It was pretty obvious that I fit right in with the rest of my family. I also didn’t have any friends that had been adopted. Since I was being raised along side my uncles, I knew that not ever family was traditional, but still, I didn’t know anyone that was adopted. […]
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » Delcy’s songs
said,
October 19, 2007 at 4:44 pm
[…] Since my dad had a rough upbringing, he rarely spoke of his life before he and my mom were married. It was rare that he would speak about his mom, but when he did he spoke only good things. He would talk about how, when life wasn’t going so well, she was strong enough to pack up her kids and look for a better life for them. I think I remember him telling me that she had beautiful handwriting and that people would hire her to address envelopes. […]
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike
said,
January 8, 2008 at 5:40 pm
[…] As mentioned before I was raised along side my uncles, who also happened to be twins. One was tall and ultra handsome. The other was short and stocky. Both were nice guys. They were just 100% different from the other one. One grew up and came out of the closet and the other is married with two kids. Oh yes, so different. […]
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February 19, 2008 at 5:53 pm
[…] When I was in middle school we finally got a TV. I don’t know where this TV came from since I know my parents weren’t too thrilled about having it. I’m thinking one of my uncles gave it to us. Each of us kids were only allowed to watch seven hours a week. One hour a day. On Sunday we had to submit our Weekly TV Watching Schedule to my mom, for her approval. This plan worked for a while. And then, for whatever reason, we got rid of the TV again. […]
I just called to say “I love you”! | hola, isabel
said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:35 pm
[…] I doubt that being away from family was hard for my dad. Mostly because we were still raising his brother, and my parents had already raised the rest of his siblings. Plus, my dad had moved away from home when he was about 18. He was used to being on his own. […]
I am so horrible at coming up with titles. So let’s just call this one “Tuesday Morning”. | hola, isabel
said,
July 22, 2008 at 3:56 pm
[…] My dad is one of nine siblings. He’s one of the older siblings, so when his mom died he and my mom ended up with five of his younger siblings. They raised the two youngest brothers from the time they were eleven. While they were all born in West Virginia eight of the nine siblings live in Utah. […]