There once was a girl from…June 15th, 2007 @ 7:01 am
I went to my 107th baby shower last night. That number may be a slight exaggeration, but it felt like my 107th. (Come to think of it, that number might not be that much of an exaggeration.)
Like most of the showers I attend, I love the lady it was for. I’m happy for her and her husband. I’m looking forward to meeting their little baby girl. I’m anxious to see them excel as parents.
But damn it, if I have to look at another 3-6 month pink onesie I might have to kill myself.
I was fortunate to be showered with love, kindness and fabulous gifts before Babboo was born. I was constantly overwhelmed with the generosity of others. It really was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe the outpouring of support. After seeing this shower last night I was reminded at how lucky I was back in my baby shower days.
I admit I wasn’t paying that close attention during the gift opening. You see, I was busy gossiping about the current state of Angelina and Brad’s relationship. What I did see was just a lot of pink; pink little dresses, pink socks, pink over-alls, pink pajamas, and even pink blankets. I didn’t see one bottle, one pack of diapers, or even a single toy.
So while this kid is destined to be very well dressed, she won’t have any diapers. Or any bottles to drink out of.
Thankfully there was only one game the entire night. We were asked to write a nursery rhyme for the mom to share with her baby. The mom would choose her favorite. The hostess read us an example of the one she had just thrown together. It was beautifully written and put a lot of pressure on all of us to perform with such short notice.
Right, like I can just throw together a nursery rhyme. I didn’t even bring my rhyming dictionary with me.
I looked at the blank piece of paper for a while trying to come up with the first line.
There once was a girl from Nantucket.
I turned to May and said; “what else rhymes with Nantucket?”
She looked at me and mouthed; “f-u-c…!”
My eyes got big; “No, no, no. What else rhymes with it? Maybe something about a pacifier and wanting to ’suck it’? Crap, that’s not going to work. And now I can’t think of another opening line.”
After the time was up and we all turned in our masterpieces, the hostess read them out loud for the winner to be chosen. There were some pretty awesome ones. Poems about clouds and Jesus and teddy bears.
When it came time for her to pick her favorite she said, “I like the one about the hemorrhoids.”
Boo-yah! That was mine.
And now I’d like to present you with my winning nursery rhyme.
For Annie
Annie, do you like cats?
Don’t worry, you won’t always be fat.
You’ll soon be reintroduced to your feet.
And your baby you’ll meet.
Ryan will be a good Dad.
Oh yeah, and hemorrhoids are bad.
Seriously, that crap right there beat out real live rhyming poems about sweet babies floating on clouds alongside Jesus. I felt a little ashamed.
But not ashamed enough to stop me from posting it on the interweb for all to mock.
I rock · They're just my friends
Laurel
said,
June 15, 2007 at 5:59 pm
I think that, nice thoughts aside, the winning rhyme probably best describes the sentiments of late pregnancy!
Frema
said,
June 15, 2007 at 6:36 pm
I had to laugh out loud at that one. You should print that on your business cards for BlogHer!
Also, my sister Samantha is going to throw me a baby shower, and she likes cutesy games, so I’m a little afraid of what she might have in store, but she’s so excited about being an aunt, so I’m keeping my mouth shut.
Also also, part of me wants to NOT reveal the baby’s gender so we don’t get bombarded with blue or pink clothing.
Nic
said,
June 15, 2007 at 6:47 pm
There is a special place in my heart for anyone who can introduce hemorrhoids into a conversation and not have it be gross or creepy. I might have a little girl crush on you.
Rhi
said,
June 15, 2007 at 7:04 pm
My friend Gena’s only request for her baby shower. “I’m not playing any damn games!”
But, please tell me you won a sweet gift for that poem.
janet
said,
June 15, 2007 at 7:10 pm
oh my, you are so invited to my future hypothetical baby shower!
madmom
said,
June 15, 2007 at 7:16 pm
haha!
i went to 2 back to back baby showers last weekend and i have another coming up. its crazy!! PEOPLE, stop reproducing so close together!!! If I have to play baby bingo one more time, i’ll scream!
Whitney
said,
June 15, 2007 at 7:51 pm
I’m pretty sure if you wrote a book of nursery ryhmes I would buy it. Multiple copies of it.
HollowSquirrel
said,
June 15, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Why’d you go and have to ruin it with mention of “Cats?” Otherwise, perfect.
HollowSquirrel
said,
June 15, 2007 at 8:01 pm
And oh yes, that dreadful baby shower with SEVENTY ONE attendees is this weekend.
redinkydink
said,
June 15, 2007 at 8:06 pm
How cute. I suck at poetry. I would have had to resort to the whole “roses are red…” thing.
Christar
said,
June 15, 2007 at 8:42 pm
That’s totally awesome! I loved it. That reminds me of Brittany too… Whenever we’ve played games at family get~togethers, she has always had such funny and original responses. I love it.
That’s one thing that makes me feel bad about expectant mothers… they never get anything but clothing and blankets. Next baby shower I attend, I’m totally getting diapers, bottles, and formula (formula is expensive! I’m so glad Zachary isn’t on it anymore!)
DeAnn
said,
June 15, 2007 at 9:02 pm
So … what is the state of their relationship? Still going strong, right?
Also, “rhyming dictionary”? There is no such thing! You have to be making that up.
And I LOVED your nursery rhyme. Although I don’t technically think it’s a nursery rhyme, is it? But hilarious!
Audrey
said,
June 15, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Well done! Way better than anything I could have thrown together so quick. I don’t write well under pressure, and that’s even without the added stress of rhyming!
Brittany
said,
June 15, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Is it weird that we both used the term “Boo Yah” in our posts today?
SJ
said,
June 15, 2007 at 9:59 pm
That was the best nursery rhyme ever. I laughed my butt off!
Thanks for sharing! Great job
Art Nerd
said,
June 16, 2007 at 1:18 am
I want Isabel at my baby shower, totally! You’d fit right in with my family.
I’m not sure if I want to find out my as-yet-unconceived baby’s gender, but I am sure as heck not sharing it with anyone other than Kev! I need bottles and binkies and diapers and all that crap, not a clothesline full of 3-6 mo clothing! (Not to be unappreciative, of course, but I have been to showers where the parents knew and ones where they didn’t know. And not knowing seems to get mostly more practical gifties.)
Amy W
said,
June 16, 2007 at 1:52 am
Great poem…
As the Mom of two girls, the pink NEVER stops. There are other colors for girls…and I received so many clothes for my first, I still had tags on stuff. Craziness.
B
said,
June 16, 2007 at 2:56 am
seriously, that’s an awesome poem. I love it.
Lindsey
said,
June 16, 2007 at 6:48 pm
What a masterpiece! If you do not become the poet laureate, I will be genuinely shocked.
angela
said,
June 17, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Wow, I’m quite impressed. You should be published soon. And I mean somewhere other than the web.
metalia
said,
June 18, 2007 at 2:45 am
Hee! LOVE the poem; I’m seeing a career in Hallmark cards in your future.
Meg
said,
June 18, 2007 at 1:28 pm
I love the poem! Right now it’s all bridal showers for me. I can only wait until the fun of baby showers starts probably sooner rather than later.
Jackson Brown(e)
said,
June 18, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Ahhh, the joys of manhood. Although, I am slightly ashamed to admit that the one baby shower I went to (it was at work) I won 2 of the 3 games. They were the every present baby food tasting game and think of a word for each letter of the alphabet that has to do with babies game.
Rachel
said,
June 19, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Move over Mother Goose!!!! I love it!
I’m going to a baby shower this weekend…wanna come and read your nursery rhyme?
Anth
said,
June 22, 2007 at 3:04 am
I think that poem is genius. As the impending mother of a girl, I got showered with lots and lots and FREAKIN LOTS of pink dresses and onesies and only two packages of diapers. Hearing about hemorroids (sp) would have been a welcome repreive.(sp)
P.S. I hate spelling today.