You could use this information against meMarch 8th, 2007 @ 7:01 am
Do you ever wonder if you share too much information with the internet? Do you find that you tell the internet things that you would never, ever in a million years tell someone you know in real life? Does the internet know more about you then your own mother, or your husband? Would you be eembarrassed to look the internet in the eyes, if you were to ever meet her, because damn it, she knows too much?
Could the internet black mail you?
Um yeah, so yesterday when I got home from work I did what I typically do. I leave Babboo in his stroller so that I have a few glorious minutes to put my bags and coat away and then run into the bathroom to have my only uninterrupted potty break for the rest of the night.
I sat down on the potty and it was like a breath of fresh air. Oh, relaxation. Peeing in solitude. Babboo had fallen asleep in his stroller, so it was even more relaxed. I finished up, flushed the toilet, pulled my pants up, and washed my hands. When I walked out of the bathroom I noticed something on the bathroom floor.
Something of a liquid variety.
Holy crap, the toilet is leaking. Grab a towel. Turn the water off!! Oh no, my boots are wet. Damn it, damn it, damn it, hurry, hurry, hurry!!
I grabbed the nearest towel, got down on the floor and started to turn the water off.
I looked at the toilet. It wasn’t leaking. It wasn’t overflowing. The water wasn’t running. But then, what is that liquid on the floor?
That’s right dear internet, somehow my pee had ended up all over my bathroom floor. My pee. On the floor. How in name of la-de-da did that happen? I totally sit down when I pee, thank you very much. There was nothing out of the ordinary. The seat was down and I was sitting in the normal position. So how in the crap did my pee wind up on the bathroom floor?
I have no idea.**
Which sucks, because then I had to spend my precious alone time mopping up my own urine. I had to do it all before Babboo woke up and wanted to crawl all over the floor.
Welcome to my life, bitches.
**Seriously, have any of you ever had this happened? I really can’t figure out how it happend.
I Rock
Operation Pink Herring
said,
March 8, 2007 at 7:46 pm
I totally share more info with the internet than I would someone I knew in real life. Which is why you know about my coccyx. And why I get really embarrassed when someone I’m telling someone I haven’t seen in awhile a story, and they say “Oh, I know. I read about that on your blog!”
Makes me want to barf every time. But it doesn’t stop me from babbling on about my periods and my cat’s balls and posting pictures of couches on the deck. Oh, no.
Frema
said,
March 8, 2007 at 7:54 pm
This has never happened to me, though I have sometimes found my own pee on the rim of the seat. The hell? Am I peeing UP?
The Internet can’t blackmail me now, but it could have a couple of years ago, when I didn’t realize that using the label “crazy fundamentalist grandma” would land me one heated e-mail from said grandma, who had never touched a computer in all her pre-menupaual years but somehow managed to gain Internet access, found my blog and read it like a book, all in the course of like, six months. To top it off, she referred to herself as “Your father’s mother.” Oh yes she did.
Carrisa
said,
March 8, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Oh Frema I hear you on that one! I died the day I heard my grandma read my blog and read how I had made fun of the Christmas Sweater of Death she gave my sister for Christmas. Oh the shame!
But no, Isabel… I have never peed on the floor. I have however stood up to find drops of pee on the seat… but yet my butt is dry… and anyone who has ever seen my butt could tell you that there’s no way in hell any part of the toilet seat isn’t covered with my ass. My ass be HUGE. So how this happens I have no clue.
HollowSquirrel
said,
March 8, 2007 at 9:34 pm
Um…gosh, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I can’t make it to BlogHer. ahem. ahem.
KIDDING. Just don’t pee on the floor, ‘k?
Jezer
said,
March 8, 2007 at 9:50 pm
OK, so am I the only one who can relate here? Don’t feel bad–when I have to go really bad, the, um, higher pressure, I guess, causes the stream to go not down, but actually forward and out the crack between the seat and the rim. So, sometimes, when I really have to go, I have to concentrate on holding back a little or else spend the next several minutes mopping up.
OK, this is gross.
margarita
said,
March 8, 2007 at 10:51 pm
I love how someone can post some of the most off the wall stuff on their blog and there is always someone out there to say “ME! TOO!!!”
But I’ve never peed on the floor and not known how it got there.
Stuart
said,
March 8, 2007 at 11:39 pm
I often pee on the floor, but then again, I have a penis, so I probably don’t count in the discussion, but I had to chime in because you peeing on the floor is pretty dang funny.
Stephanie
said,
March 8, 2007 at 11:46 pm
OK, I guess there are only three of us that have ever done that. I have peed on the floor. Just like Jezer, I had to go really bad and it came out with such force that I peed straight out. It was the weirdest thing ever. So, yes, I have been right there with you…mopping up the floor.
Lisa B
said,
March 9, 2007 at 12:41 am
I’ve done that too. I wonder if its a bladder pressure thing? The time I did it, I had to pee soo bad. Now that the boy thinks its HYSTERICAL and fun to pee in the waste basket, walls and floor, I just assume any pee not in the toilet is his…. Someday you can blame Baboo!
TV Goddess
said,
March 9, 2007 at 12:57 am
Never happened to me, but I sympathize.
Also, when is BlogHer, because I AM THERE if you’re going and HollowSquirrel and all the good’uns!
Lizzy
said,
March 9, 2007 at 2:01 am
Yep: been there. Done that. It’s totally the pressure. It happened to me more than once during my pregnancy, when I couldn’t, um, close my legs all the way?
Also while (heavily) pregnant, I wet my pants on the city bus. It’s an hour and change home from midtown via bus and although I peed at the VERY LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT prior to stepping on the bus home (usually at the cafe in front of the bus stop–I waved hello to Sanjeep the Deli Guy–and then went to the restroom), I just couldn’t make it. I tried. I tried really really hard. And once, I made the bus ride home, only to get off the bus and wet my pants.
Is that too much sharing?
angela
said,
March 9, 2007 at 2:46 am
Can’t say that I’ve ever peed on the floor, but don’t worry, I won’t judge you too harshly. It is pretty funny though.
SJ
said,
March 9, 2007 at 4:04 am
Hmm, can’t say that this has ever happened to me, but I bet you feel better now knowing that maybe other women have done this too…
I think I would be baffled if it did, however I’d laugh my butt off.
frannie
said,
March 9, 2007 at 1:53 pm
did someone cover the toilet bowl in saran wrap? ’cause that is an awesome practical joke. and the pee goes all over the floor and the saran wrap is clear, so the prankee doesn’t know what happened.
it wasn’t me, I swear.
Rachel
said,
March 9, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Seeing as how this has, thankfully, never happened to me, I don’t know what to tell you! I got a good laugh out of it though!
Becky..Absent Minded Housewife
said,
March 9, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Bladder pressure…then whoosh, it shoots from the space between the seat and the bowl, thus landing ever so sprightly on the floor.
Or something “down there” got in the way, misdirected the flow and whoosh, through that space, onto the floor.
Or it was your cat.
LBC
said,
March 9, 2007 at 9:55 pm
I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and find it utterly amusing. For some reason the “Welcome to my life, bitches” comment is what urged me to write. I laughed out loud- and I am at work. That doesn’t happen very often. Thanks for the amusing tales to get me through my day.
Oh, and as one of those annonymous internet types who knows more about you than I do my own friends, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You have to tell this stuff to someone…worry about the black mail later.
Anth
said,
March 11, 2007 at 5:07 am
Wow, your pee defies gravity. Impressive. Mine can be…forceful…but not like that.
And oh yeah, the Internet could blackmail me easily. I guess we all “overshare” on the Internet, but then if none of us mind, it’s not really oversharing, is it?
LaLa
said,
March 12, 2007 at 9:07 am
I have peed on the floor, in my experience though, I totally know how it happened, I was leaning back you see, trying to get at a pesky ingrown hair (yes, whilse peeing, I am a time-poor singleton) and it just sort of… spouted over the seat.
Now, I have a question for all of you… do you wash your toilet seats in the dishwasher? I don’t, but I know someone who has… and I need to know if this is normal?
Amy W
said,
March 12, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Sadly, yes, this has happened to me. On more than one occasion…
Fraulein N
said,
March 14, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Oh my damn, that’s just one more off the wall Insane Thing For Me to Worry About. Every time I’m in the bathroom.
I’m going to say that washing your toilet seat in the dishwasher is NOT OKAY.