And the two shall become one fleshFebruary 19th, 2007 @ 7:01 am
Although I’m not Catholic, I dated one for a few years when I was in college. I never went to church with him and he never went with me to my church. It was just something we didn’t talk about. I felt bad that we didn’t open up about our beliefs. Maybe we were both afraid that talking about it would cause problems in the (already toxic) relationship.
So while I dated a Catholic, I really know nothing about the religion. I have recently learned a lot by reading Frema come to terms with her own beliefs. Although I admit that a part of me didn’t truly understand what she was going through while planning to have her wedding outside of the church she was raised in and deciding how to raise her and Luke’s precious (but, unborn) children.
I’ve been to numerous Catholic churches, in Europe, and have been amazed at the beauty and history of all of them. But as a religion, I didn’t understand what the symbols and painting in the churches meant. The King and I visited the Vatican a few years ago during Christmas time. It was almost magical to be in the midst of the history there. I appreciated the reverence and importance I felt from those around me. I could not deny the feelings the others in attendance felt. I knew there were people there who had waited their entire lives to go inside St. Peter’s Basilica. I watched old women be moved to tears and little children look up in awe. And while I am not a member of their Church, St. Peter’s Basilica is still one of my most favorite places in the entire world.
This weekend I went to my first Catholic wedding mass. I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I was nervous that I would say something wrong, or not say it at the right time. I was nervous that I would stick out like a sore thumb. Or worst of all, I was afraid that I would offend someone, which was not my intention at all.
Lucky for me, I was with a Catholic couple. The wife helped me out. She nudged me when I needed to stand up. She hugged me when we were told to welcome those around us. She explained communion to me and even asked if we do that in my religion (we do). After a while, I even got the hang of things and was singing alone with the music.
During the service the Father talked about the couple. It was clear that he knew both of them very well. It was clear that both of them took their religion very seriously. The Father talked about the commitment they were making to each other and to God. He shared some things that both of them had written about why they chose to be married in the church. It was beautiful to hear their words as they discussed their love for each other and their love for God. They talked about how God had given his life for us and what that meant to them.
Looking around the congregation, I could tell that I may have been the only non Catholic in attendance. While we do take a sacrament of bread and water at my church, it was fascinating to watch the bride and groom prepare it for the congregation. I’m pretty sure that I was the only person that didn’t participate in communion. I wasn’t an actual invited guest, so I didn’t feel like that was appropriate. (I was there at the assistance to the wedding photographer.) After the communion, I felt bad for not taking part in that. I hope that wasn’t too offensive. (Really, I wasn’t invited. I shouldn’t have taken communion, right?!)
After they were married, there were readings done by friends of the couple. Again, this is something that isn’t done at the weddings at my church, but I found it beautiful. It was amazing to hear the scriptures that I’ve heard a million times read differently then I’ve heard them before. I loved seeing their friends take part in their wedding in this way.
After the wedding was over and all the pictures had been taken at the reception dinner, I went home. I sat on the couch with The King and discussed what I had just been able to participate in. I had so many thoughts and feelings that I wanted to share with him. But I didn’t know how to put them into words. I told him that I loved the mass. I love the tradition of it. I loved the words that had been used. I love the modern church that it was held at.
I told The King that I understood why someone would be attracted to the Catholic Church. The traditions are hundreds of years old and are absolutely beautiful. The words are meaningful and important. Good things are taught and heck, I like good things.
My church doesn’t have the ceremony and the structure that the Catholics have. We are very informal where I come from. But I liked the ceremony. I liked the structured traditions. I liked the history.
While I don’t intend to ever leave my own religion, I whole heartedly appreciate other religions. I respect people who belong to a religion. I respect people that try to do good in their life, even if they don’t belong to an organized religion. I respect people who have strong beliefs and commitments to making this world a better place for all of us, no matter what anyone else believes.
Like I said, I like good things. And this wedding, it was very good.
Random · Churchy Stuff
Frema
said,
February 19, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Great job with this post, Isabel! I really enjoyed reading it. Sounds like a beautiful wedding.
FYI regarding communion: Non-Catholics - even if they’re Christian - aren’t invited to take communion during a Catholic Mass. It’s a lengthy explanation, which you can check out if you want, here: http://www.catholic.com/library/Who_Can_Receive_Communion.asp.
HollowSquirrel
said,
February 19, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Lovely post. I’m glad you found their wedding mass beautiful, because they are LONG.
I had no idea about the communion invite– but that’s good I never took part. Even if I don’t belong to any religion, I wouldn’t want to offend either. Although my bf would disagree after I completely and utterly made an ass out of myself in her church (accidentally!). Sorry Smitty.
Rachel
said,
February 19, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Beautiful post! My grandmother and mother are Catholic so I have had some experience with it, but I myself am not Catholic. There are thing I like and dislike about all organized religion and living in the U.S., I’m allowed to. One thing I do love is the beautiful old Catholic churches with their stained glass windows and such. Beautiful.
CPA Mom
said,
February 19, 2007 at 6:34 pm
As a life long Catholic, and as your friend, I have to tell you I loved this post. You’ve captured why I love my faith. I have been to Rome, St. Peter’s, the Vatican as well and it was one of the most moving experiences of my life. I saw Pope John Paul II in one of his very last public appearances.
You were right not to take communion. Only Catholics may partake in Catholic mass.
Christar
said,
February 19, 2007 at 9:28 pm
I have a very interesting case living here in Utah. Half of my family is Catholic and the other half is LDS. I, myself was baptized and raised Catholic (which I chose), but haven’t gone to church or even Catechism in years. I’m sort of torn, because there are many aspects of my religion that I love and believe, but there are some things I don’t agree with. I don’t want to get married in a Catholic church or do that traditional Catholic ceremony. I have my own invisions.
I have always loved the tradition and grandness of Catholic chuches, and I love when non~Catholics can see that too.
Oh, and you were fine not to participate in the Sacrament.
Sadie
said,
February 19, 2007 at 9:57 pm
I am not Catholic either, but my father’s family is, so I have been to many Catholic services for weddings and baptisms, and I could relate to your post. Except, I am Episcopalian, which is the closest Protestant church to Catholicism (Episcopalians belong to the Chruch of England, or Anglican Church), so their services are incredibly similar to Catholic services and their cathedrals are comparably ornate.
And to echo the commenters before me and summarize Frema’s link, as non-Catholics, you and I are not supposed to take Communion in a Catholic church because we do not believe in “transubstantiation,” which is that the bread and wine actually BECOME the body and blood of Christ when we receive them. Episcopalians (and most Christian denominations) believe that Communion is a symbolic representation of Christ’s blood and body, but not literal.
Epsicopalian churches allow ALL baptised persons to accept Communion - that is one reason I chose this church in my early twenties. I liked its inclusiveness and welcoming-ness.
Jennifer
said,
February 19, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Catholicism can be really inspiring… I was totally overwhelmed at the Vatican too, although I stopped being Catholic long before I was there. The traditions are really wonderful. I’m glad you enjoyed the mass… I only remember them being loooooong.
Molly
said,
February 19, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Wow Isabel, what an entry!! You did an awesome job encapsulating the best parts of Catholicism. I am Catholic, albeit a confused one at the moment, and I love those very same things about the church. Now if we could just work a little open-mindedness and a little acceptance for the gay community into all of that tradition, we’d be on a roll. Wink wink.
Also, I would love to visit those wonderful places in Rome. That’s awesome that you have!!
Lisa B
said,
February 20, 2007 at 2:43 am
I grew up Catholic and you have a much better understanding (and reverence) for it than I do. And dear are those wedding masses LONG.
frannie
said,
February 20, 2007 at 3:01 am
beautifully written!
Bunny
said,
February 20, 2007 at 3:27 am
I am a Lutheran and I love the tradition involved. I find that the Catholic faith doesn’t always square itself with my own beliefs (I guess, hence, I am Lutheran
) I can see what you find so appealing about the Catholic faith. Such ritual and tradition for so many many years is inspiring.
Erika
said,
February 20, 2007 at 1:35 pm
I’m not baptized, so I never take communion in any church. It’s easier to do that than learn all the different rules. I think it’s less offensive for me to abstain than for me to not participate. My dad’s side of the family is Catholic, so my mom and I see it mostly at weddings and funerals, and we have always admired how the traditions and rituals of Catholicism are so comforting to Catholics in times of grief.
meritt
said,
February 20, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Ahhh… a sigh of relief.
I was cringing to see where you would go with the Catholic post as so many love to bash our religion.
I am a cradle Catholic. Born on Tuesday and baptized on Sunday. I love my religion, love our churches, our mustic, the scripture, the prayers (!!!!) and LOVE the TRADITION. It’s such a wonderful, overwhelming, beautiful feeling to attend a traditional Catholic mass.
Oh! And good call on the communion thing… not because you weren’t invited, but because you aren’t Catholic.
Chas
said,
February 20, 2007 at 3:31 pm
We do communion in our church with bread and grape juice. I’ve been to lots of weddings that included communion, and as far as I know, everyone is invited to take communion, whether they belong to our denomination (Methodist), another denomination (Catholic, Baptist, Presbyterian, etc.), or to a non-Christian religion altogether. It does make a nice addition to the ceremony. Though we didn’t do it at our wedding b/c Jason hates communion.
Kelly
said,
February 20, 2007 at 3:45 pm
I think it is wonderful that you can have such respect and appreciation for these traditions!
Durga
said,
February 20, 2007 at 5:46 pm
I went to a massive private Catholic school from grades 1 to 6, with nuns and all.
I really loved this post. Especially the last paragraph.
So true Isabel. So true.
alison
said,
February 20, 2007 at 5:51 pm
I grew up in the Catholic Church and I very much agree with you that there is a lot of beauty in the ritual and ceremony! I didn’t get married in the Catholic Church, nor do I attend much now but I love that there is something familiar that I can always attend anywhere in the world (I even atteneded mass in Japan!) and there will be something I’ll know. By the way, Frema is correct that you did right by not taking communion.
angela
said,
February 20, 2007 at 11:26 pm
Lovely and thoughtful post.
Lindsey
said,
February 20, 2007 at 11:44 pm
Edgar is Catholic so I have been to a Catholic service once or twice before. I actually don’t think you are supposed to take communion unless you are baptized under their religion, but I might be wrong (I didn’t feel comfortable doing it anyway). Once, I was at a wedding of Edgar’s friends and it was in a Catholic church and it was a bilingual English/Spanish wedding. It was so cool.
Sarah
said,
February 21, 2007 at 1:52 am
As a Catholic, I can tell you that non-Catholics are not supposed to take communion in Catholic Mass. In our Missals inside the front cover is a nice explaination of why this is and I am sure it is explained on the ‘net in one of the many Cahtolic websites.
I am happy that you enjoyed the Mass so much. It is the traditions and the “extras” such as kneeling, and making the sign of the cross, that I enjoy the most about Mass and our religion.
Britt
said,
February 21, 2007 at 3:56 am
I went to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve once at the Catherdal of the Madeleine. Since it was so crowded, they only let certain people sit on the benches. I had to stand in the back since I’m not Catholic and wouldn’t be taking communion. There were so many people there that they had to ask some of us to leave because they were breaking fire code. I stayed for the first half and then left so others could come in. It was neat, but way uncomfortable standing shoulder to shoulder for so long.
Courtney
said,
February 23, 2007 at 12:24 am
I like good things too… and this post was definitely a good thing.
My likey.
» Third times a charm
said,
May 22, 2007 at 3:51 pm
[…] I guess a few years ago my charm phase started to peter out. I would still buy charms when I went places, but only for my own charm bracelet. While at the Vatican a few years ago, I couldn’t help myself and bought about a billion charms with different Catholic symbols on them. Something about buying charms from an actual nun at the Vatican was very, very cool. That year for Christmas everybody got a charm. […]