In which I finally talk about my exhusbandFebruary 1st, 2007 @ 5:01 am
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I found my ex-husband’s profile on MySpace. That’s what MySpace is good for, right?
Before I found him online, I just assumed he was dead. Dead or living in Alaska. (Which is close to the same thing.) Come to find out, he wasn’t dead and WAS living in Alaska. Odd, I know.
He also posts pictures to his profile, so I got to see what he looks like now. Which is pretty much a bigger and balder version of the kid I married almost 10 years ago. The internet is awesome.
While I’m happy that he and I are no longer married, seeing pictures of him brings old memories and feelings to the surface. He’s been on my mind a lot.
(The only picture I have left of he and I together. This was was taken before we were married.)
I don’t think this is a bad thing. It doesn’t mean I love The King any less. It doesn’t mean that I want my ex-husband back. It just means I’m thinking about it. This is a person that I loved at one time. A person that I thought I was going to spend forever with. I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t believe those things. What kind of a person would that have made me?
Reading over his profile it’s fascinating to see that there are things he mentions that he totally got from me. His love of Friends and the Beastie Boys. He lists that his favorite movie is Sixteen Candles, which has always been my favorite movie. He still has the same dog that we bought and named together. The dog that was in our divorce papers as going to him, which was fine by me.
I married The King a little over a year after my divorce was final. My ex, on the other hand, didn’t remarry until about 8 months ago. From the looks of her picture, she’s quite a bit younger.
What I find interesting is that his new wife (who also has a MySpace profile) seems to be the exact opposite of me. She looks totally different than I do, with blonde curly hair and a huge smile. She’s a nurse and a former cheerleader. She likes to fish and be outdoors. (Both things that are at the bottom of my “likes” list.) She was Miss SmallTownWhereShe’sFrom and went on to compete in the state competition. This screams not like me at all!
I kept thinking how odd it is that he was attracted to someone that wasn’t like me. Me, who he was also attracted to many years ago. How could he marry a blonde when he always told me he liked my brown hair? How could he marry someone who liked to fish when he always told me he liked fishing alone? How could he marry a person who puts on their MySpace profile that they want to meet Walt Disney? I mean, seriously?!
Then I remembered back to the girl that he dated back in high school, long before he and I got together. She was blonde. And in the beauty pageant circuit. She was also bubbly and cute and everybody in town liked her. Again, not like me at all.
Instead of thinking that his new wife was the odd ball, I realized I was the odd one. I was the one that didn’t fit into his mold. He didn’t really want a brunette. He didn’t like fishing alone. He liked camping. What was it that he liked about me? I’m at a loss, really.
Then again, The King isn’t anything like my ex. In fact he is the exact opposite. I’ve often thought that was odd. How could I be attracted to two totally different men? The King embodies everything that I love and everything that I had wanted my first husband to be. Not that my ex wasn’t a good person. He was (and I assume, still is) a good person. I’m sure he makes his wife very happy and I hope that she makes him happy as well. Really, I do.
I can’t even remember what it was like to be married to somebody else.
I find it unfortunate that he still lives in the small town he’s from (he didn’t stay in Alaska long, according to his profile). The town he was always dying to get out of. He still hangs out with his family. His family, which never really approved of him, or me for that matter. His family, which ruined our marriage and made him feel horrible about himself. His family, which I do not miss. Not for one second. His family, that makes me appreciate my own family that much more. Not to mention how wonderful it reminds me The King’s family is.
Every time I look at my own MySpace profile I wonder if he’s found me. What does he think about my life now? Does he wonder what I’m doing married to a brunette and living in Seattle? What does he think about my baby? Does he think I look different? Does he think I’m prettier now that I’ve gotten my teeth fixed? Does he wonder why I’ve posted so many pictures of trips I’ve taken around the world? Does he even know that I always dreamed of traveling? Does he think of me and miss me?
I’m betting he’s never seen my MySpace profile. I’m betting he never thinks of me.
That’s probably for the best.
Me · Back in the day
janet
said,
February 1, 2007 at 5:31 am
I think it’s probably good that you can look at his profile and not feel anything other than curiosity really. It’s got to be so much better than feeling anger, or nausea, or regret…or any number of things you COULD be feeling instead. I guess you can only hope he feels the same when/if he finds yours.
Chas
said,
February 1, 2007 at 6:03 am
I guess it is a good thing, but it’d still be really interesting to know what he’d do if he did find your page.
Durga
said,
February 1, 2007 at 10:27 am
I’m going to email u my comment instead.
Erika
said,
February 1, 2007 at 12:11 pm
I wish my old boyfriend updated his Myspace…he has a page but doesn’t have ANYTHING on it (not even any Friends)! Ugh.
Joining Myspace right before Evan was born, coupled with his birth, has turned me into this huge ball of nostalgia and memories. In the last 2 months I have emailed old teachers, long-lost neighbors, and various “whatever happened to?”s from my past. I should post about it, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m not freaking people out.
Lindsey
said,
February 1, 2007 at 1:10 pm
I think it is healthy that you saw his page and that you’ve been thinking about him…I mean, on some level you are who you are today because of him, but it’s also very obvious that now you are where you are supposed to be.
Jennifer
said,
February 1, 2007 at 3:17 pm
The first thing I did when I discovered MySpace was look up my ex-boyfriend. I don’t know what I was hoping to find… that he was dead, that he was miserable, that his whole page was dedicated to apologizing for the way he treated me? Of course, it wasn’t. He has a new girlfriend who is basically a younger version of me. Looking at her pictures, we even have a bunch of the same clothes. How freaky is that? I went through this whole process when I found it. First I felt like I was going to throw up. Then I contemplated emailing his new GF to tell her that he is a cheating, lying, sociopathic crazy person. It still kind of makes me sick, because his relationshp with her is like version 2.0 of our relationship (at least from what I can see on MySpace). I dated him while I was in high school and he was in college. Now he’s 28 years old, dating a college girl. They leave each other schmoopy comments every day.
Now that the novelty of MySpace has worn off, I have almost stopped caring. I hope that he really has changed and that they really are happy. I don’t really beleive it, but I hope.
But I still wonder if he has found my profile. Or worse yet, if he has found my blog.
Frema
said,
February 1, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I’m sure he thinks of you, and probably in the same way you think of him. Which sounds like a good thing.
I was in sporadic contact with my last ex-boyfriend and gave him the link to my site on Blogger. Sometimes I wonder if he ever read it or has seen my new TypePad site. I wonder what he thinks of the way I write about him. Even though he was totally wrong for me, I cared about him a lot and don’t harbor (too much) resentment for some of his actions.
Corinne
said,
February 1, 2007 at 4:29 pm
I have this ex-boyfriend who treated me like crap. There are still moments when I see other men who look like him, I wonder if it’s him, and I get sick on my stomach. He was the kind of guy that, after we broke up, would show up randomly wherever I was hanging out. I never knew when he’d show up. I never knew when he’d e-mail me or IM me. I was on edge like that for 3 years after we broke up… always scared. Which looking back, I don’t know why, he never hit me or hurt me, but he was pretty manipulative and emotioanlly abusive. Anyways… eventually I was able to move on and past it, until a week after September 11, and he e-mailed me saying he felt bad about the way he treated me, blah blah, and he was married, etc, etc. It was a nice e-mail, I guess, but I wrote him a scathing one back, because I had finally reached a point that I was over this, and this e-mail set me back a LOT. Anyways… all that to say that today, I’m over it. There are moments when I wonder what he’s doing, and wonder if he’ll ever just pop up in my life again. I’m so happy for you that it seems you guys ended on a good note. I cannot imagine coming across my ex’s Myspace profile… I just can’t imagine…
Rachel
said,
February 1, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I think we are always curious about our exs. It’s human nature. But that doesn’t mean that you feel anything for them, it’s just curiosity. I bet your ex does think about you sometimes, how could he not, you WERE his wife at one time. All that matters is that you are very happy now.
HollowSquirrel
said,
February 1, 2007 at 4:42 pm
You’re fine and healthy and totally normal. Read Linday’s comment above. Rinse. Repeat.
CPA Mom
said,
February 1, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Dude! You must help me find my ex-husband. I could have written so much of this post. I do wonder what he is doing now. He is the POLAR OPPOSITE of HP. I think he married his mistress. I wonder if he has a MySpace page. He is 35 for goodness sake. Help!
oh, GREAT POST BTW, didn’t mean to make it all about me AGAIN.
Marriage-101
said,
February 1, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Oh man I felt the same way when I found my last ex-boyfriends page. Ditto on the music/movies. He even has a photo of himself on there from a play we saw together that I TOOK! I left him nearly three years ago and am now happily married, but when I saw that he was recently engaged, all of a sudden I couldn’t stop thinking about him and checking his page (and his fiance’s). Funny thing is, she is just like me! We look similar - similar body type, hair type - and our interests are also similar. I would probably be friends with her if there wasn’t that fact that she hates my guts. She has a jealous streak a mile long and last time I spoke to him (via IM - and we’ve only spoken a handful of times in the last three years) I was told that he couldn’t talk to me anymore because it caused fights. So I’ve been banned. I once saw a post on her Myspace blog where she was all upset and ended it with “Why don’t we just build a fucking shrine for her?”, which, I assumed was about me, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking. I want him to miss me and think of our relationship fondly, but that doesn’t mean I love my husband any less or that I regret the choices I made. I’m verry happy and I know I married the right person, but my ex is still a part of me and taught me how to love. He’s the reason I’m a good wife to my husband. I made all of my stupid, immature mistakes with him. I’ve thought about writing a letter, explaining why I left and how much he meant to me, and how I wish him happiness but I don’t know.
Marriage-101
said,
February 1, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Sorry! I just realized how long that was and I didn’t mean to make it all about me, but your post opened something up in me and I had to let it out. Sorry again!
Molly
said,
February 1, 2007 at 5:46 pm
What a great entry. I am sure he does think of you from time to time. There are sometimes reminders where you don’t expect them.
I think about ex-boyfriends sometimes too. I googled one once. He was very wrong for me, and by what I found I can see that he still is. Also, he’s wayyyy bald now.
;o)
Jessie
said,
February 1, 2007 at 6:38 pm
I often wonder of men I was in relationships with in the past. There were a couple serious ones before my husband, and I just wonder what they’re doing sometimes. Luckily one of them has parents that live in my hometown, so I do get the scoop every once in a while. And even though I do wonder where they are now, I couldn’t be happier with where I am now.
Desiree
said,
February 1, 2007 at 10:37 pm
My exe’s myspace is also a plethora of stuff I introduced him to. All his favorite books are books that I not only had him read but he borrowed from me and never gave back. All the TV shows, music, EVERYTHING. It has been over two years since I even saw him and three since we broke up. The pictures on the page are picture I took, of him in clothes I gave him and glasses I picked out. It is a creepy time warp. I know that people influence eachother but looking at his page and my life there is truly little I took away from that relationsip except headaches, heartache and the constant fear that he would show up one day.
Desiree
said,
February 1, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Also, how old are you girl? Did you marry this guy when you were 12? Sheesh.
Jill
said,
February 1, 2007 at 11:54 pm
I remember going to your first wedding, but I can’t remember anything about him (what he looked like, etc.) except for his name. I do remember his bitchy mother though. I had an ex from high school that married a woman that looks almost excatly like me. We also have the same amount of children, the same age, and all of the same gender. I am glad I foun my husband. He keeps getting beeter looking with age, where the ex DOES NOT!!!
Stuart
said,
February 2, 2007 at 2:24 pm
I’d email him. Send a frend request to really freak him out (sorry, bad joke.) Seriously, The King seems like he’s cool, thus would be cool with it (if not, and I was you, then I wouldn’t do it.) But if he is, you can ask your ex all the questions you ask in the post - which was very good.
Lindsey
said,
February 2, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Speaking of the King, I’m waiing for King Friday. It’s what gets me through the week.
Britt
said,
February 2, 2007 at 4:47 pm
I love spying on people via MySpace.
That Chick Over There
said,
February 2, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Oh, I love this post. With cheese.
I’m not a big MySpacer, but I google people. All. The. Freaking. Time.
I googled one of my husband’s main ex-girlfriends and found a photograph of her, emailed it to all my friends and asked if she was cuter than me.
And then I blogged about it.
Sweet LORD!
Christar
said,
February 2, 2007 at 9:24 pm
I think that’s perfectly normal to wonder and be curious. I think it’s even cooler you can look at him and realize how much more you love The King.
That’s how I feel about all my ex flings, haha! I’m SO happy I found the right one!
Lisa B
said,
February 5, 2007 at 8:29 pm
I think there’s always a curiosity there. You wonder how much influence you really had in that person’s life at the time and now even how much of it is still left.
I think it is normal to wonder and be curious…
hola, isabel » With this ring…
said,
April 11, 2007 at 4:52 pm
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sbukophile
said,
April 19, 2007 at 2:26 am
Well, reading this post just a few days ago (because it was linked in your more recent post) made me look up an ex-boyfriend on MySpace. I went into depression about it for a few days, so that’s why it’s taken me a little to write a comment. I was shocked to find that literally 3 days earlier he and his wife had their first baby. I have been wanting to get pregnant for a long time, and as I’m sure you can relate, it feels like everyone I know is always getting pregnant, having a baby, etc. I feel like the only one who is not. So, that really threw me for a while. It was quite surreal to see all his photos, including many from the past.
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » Things that would make you not want to date someone
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June 5, 2007 at 10:06 pm
[…] After I got divorced from my first husband I made a mental list of qualities to look for in my future husband. Things that didn’t exactly mesh well with me and my first husband. The list included things like: […]
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June 18, 2007 at 4:52 pm
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October 8, 2007 at 3:56 pm
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hola, isabel » Blog Archive » Johnny Suede Slept Here
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November 12, 2007 at 6:13 pm
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hola, isabel » Blog Archive » The Tales of B00bjob Betty
said,
January 18, 2008 at 5:48 pm
[…] While I met a lot of good friends (and even my ex-husband) while working there, I was also forced to work with some old ladies that drove me batty. Seriously, there is nothing worse then being stuck in a corner, making sodas all day with a mom that only got out of the house two times a week to go and work at the local convenient store. […]
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said,
February 5, 2008 at 5:08 pm
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said,
February 19, 2008 at 5:53 pm
[…] When I was married to my first husband, I worked during the day and he worked evenings. That meant I was all alone after I got home from work at 3:30. Which meant I had a lot of time to fill. Which meant I started watching a lot of TV. I discovered “That 70’s Show”, “Seinfeld”, “Will & Grace” and my love for “Friends” grew deeper by the second. I also found “Absolutely Fabulous” and “Keeping Up Appearances” and fell madly in love with anyone that spoke with an accent and referred to cigarettes “fags”. […]
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February 26, 2008 at 5:47 pm
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March 18, 2008 at 4:14 pm
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said,
March 20, 2008 at 5:06 pm
[…] I wonder, that while I’m busy congratulating myself on my secret keeping skills, if my ex-husband’s new wife is reading my blog and laughing because, duh, she found it. Or that maybe my high school boyfriend found it and reads it on a daily basis. Heck, maybe my mom even reads. Or worse, my grandma. […]
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said,
April 14, 2008 at 3:59 pm
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