Eating paper will make you have to have surgery on your butt. Trust me.December 28th, 2006 @ 5:13 pm
When I was in elementary school all the kids in my class started to eat paper. It was like the cool thing to do. Eat paper. As in, they would tear sheets of paper into little pieces, roll them into balls and eat them. EAT PAPER. Seriously, all the cool kids were doing it and I wanted to be cool.
My Mom found out about this new trend and told me I was not allowed to eat paper. She told me that if I ate paper I would have to have surgery on my butt. This frightened me. No matter how cool eating paper was, I knew surgery on my butt would not be cool.
I went right to school and told all the kids in my class about what my Mom had told me. My Mom was currently in nursing school, so I knew she had to be right. I was sure my classmates didn’t want surgery on their butts any more than I did. I mean, who would want a doctor looking at your butt?! Not me, that’s for sure.
I remember walking around at recess and telling all the kids what I had learned. Nobody believed me. They were all, “we’re gonna keep eating paper ’cause it’s cool.”
Idiots. I wouldn’t be visiting them in the hospital.
As I got older I started to think a little bit more about the things my parents had told me growing up. I couldn’t figure out why eating paper would cause the need for anal surgery. I was also pretty sure that my Dad never wrestled a bear or was bitten by a bat. Dude, they told me a lot of things that I was starting to question.
What’s my point here?
My point is that Babboo ate a lot of paper on Christmas. But I’m smart enough to know that he won’t have to have any type of surgery on his butt.
So what kinds of things did you think were true when you were a kid?!
My Sweet Babboo · They're just my family
Lizzy
said,
December 28, 2006 at 5:42 pm
I see Santa visited LL Bean–looks like a Bean Boot box to me?!
Did Santa also bring you your long lost keys found on the Freeway? [Sidebar: interestingly, the same day you lost your keys, The Mistah also lost his. Though we’ve no idea where they went off to, we’re blaming a hole in the jeans pocket.]
I can’t be sure if my mother ever specifically told me so, but I very clearly remember coming home one afternoon after having kissed my next door neighbor, Tad. Not even a tongue-kiss, just a peck. We were probably about 8 years old. I told my mom that I thought I was going to have a baby now because I kissed a boy.
Stuart
said,
December 28, 2006 at 5:46 pm
My two memories, althought not propagated by my parents, are quintessential early 70s.
I thought that the whole Watergate thing was literally about a water gate. What this 7 or 8 year old version of me thought was a water gate were the box like fence structures they places over drainage areas next to the freeway in Oklahoma where I was raised. They literally had a gate, and since water went into said gate, water gate.
The second thing revolves around the Vietnam War, and all the reports I heard on the news and my parents discussing guerillas. I thought they meant gorillas.
I was also more afraid of big foot than the impending nuclear war with russian in the 70s…but that’s another comment. Merry New Year Isabel to you and yours.
Audrey
said,
December 28, 2006 at 6:20 pm
That reminds me of one day when we went to the Olive Garden with my grandma. As we sat in the bar area and waited for our table we watched in amazement as a kid — probably around 9 years old, sitting with his dad and brother — tore apart a paper napkin and ate it, piece by piece, until it was completely gone. And his dad and brother didn’t respond at all; it was as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. I guess the kid was too hungry to wait for breadsticks at the table!
Lindsey
said,
December 28, 2006 at 7:17 pm
I was so gullible (still am) so Dad started by pretending to pull pennies out of my ears, then quarters and before long he pulled a whole chair out of my ear. I shit you not, I completely believed it. I was only 2 years old, but still!
Molly
said,
December 28, 2006 at 9:27 pm
That’s too funny!! I can’t believe your mom told you that! My 11 month old Jack is a major paper eater as well, and definitely had more than his fair share of it over the holiday.
One thing my mom used to tell me, usually during the times she was pulling her hair out most, was that if I didn’t clean my room she was going to close the door and burn it down. I never realized that the rest of the house would go with it. I totally believed her. And now that I think about it, that’s a pretty scary threat.
;o)
alyndabear
said,
December 28, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Hahaha. Butt surgery. Sounds nasty.
I seriously believed that if I didn’t eat my bread crusts, my hair would fall out. And I did like my hair, all pig-tailed as it was back then.
I wonder if you’re ever going to have some for Babboo one day, or are you kinder than the rest of us?
LaLa
said,
December 28, 2006 at 11:42 pm
Hmm.. I know there was many but the only one that springs to mind if that if I swallow watermelon seeds, watermelon vines would grow out of my ears.
I DID tell my little sister when she was about 3 that if she didn’t eat her meat the “meat monster” would come to get her. What a cruel 16 year old.
HollowSquirrel
said,
December 29, 2006 at 2:51 pm
That is awesome! I love lies like that. Oh, I mean, how terrible. I remember repeatedly asking my parents why we couldn’t get cable tv. We lived in the country, as opposed to more suburby-type neighborhoods in my area, so that was their excuse — we live too far in the country. My neighbor’s mom told my best friend the same thing, too. WELL, when I came home from college, my parents had cable. I said “they finally brought cable to the country?” and my mom laughed and said, “we could always get cable. We just didn’t until now.” And she claims (with an insulted tone) that she never lied and said we couldn’t get it there. LIARS!
Hilary
said,
December 29, 2006 at 3:05 pm
Yup…you, me, and Molly all have some paper eating little boys.
I don’t remember any lies my parents told me. Probably because I’m stupid and still think they always told me the truth.
MK
said,
December 29, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Abbie ate so much paper this year too!!
My parents told me that if I was bad they would sell me to the gypsy’s.
They also told me that if I crossed my back and anyone bumped me I eyes would stay that way forever.
If I swallowed my gum it would stay there forever and if I kept doing it I wouldn’t have enough room for food and I would die.
That if you believe in love then you believe in santa
that when a husband and wife love each other, the man plants a sead in the womens stomach and a baby grows there.
That liver was beef steak.
Nap Queen
said,
December 29, 2006 at 6:46 pm
That is hilarious. I can’t remember anything that my parents told me? I KNOW they lied to us, too, but I can’t seem to think of anything.
velocibadgergirl
said,
December 29, 2006 at 6:58 pm
I believed that thing about if you swallow gum, it’ll stay in your stomach for seven years.
I once almost panicked when I hit a bump on my bicycle and swallowed a giant wad of bubble gum.
To this day, if I need to get rid of some gum and can’t find a trash can, I really REALLY have to force myself to swallow it, even though I know that seven years thing is a myth.
Christar
said,
December 31, 2006 at 6:02 am
I used to eat paper too! Except I actually liked the taste of it, haha.
When I was about eight~years~old, my mom had recorded a TV special about a place called Weeki Wachee in Florida that has real mermaids! (Ok, not real, but they have mermaids as a tourist attraction) Well, anyone who knows me knows my absolute obsession with Mermaids. My favorite movie to this day is The Little Mermaid.
My mom told me that the mermaids were real and that any body could go there and be transformed into a mermaid and that one day she would take me there and let me be a mermaid. I swear I watched that tape at least a million times, just imagining when I’d be able to go and be a mermaid for a day. I even had dreams of going there and becoming a mermaid.
I hope that some day I’ll be able to go there and visit the mermaids and live out my childhood fantasy.
Jennifer
said,
January 2, 2007 at 2:53 am
Little late here, but I had the same experience when I got old enough to start questioning. I guess everyone does? One day a lightbulb just went off in my head, and I realized that my kitten didn’t run away… my mom got rid of it! I still haven’t forgiven her for that, mostly because she let me go out and look for it every day for a month. (She claims it was a mean, unfriendly kitten, and she later got me a new kitten which is still alive and approaching 20 years old, and is the best. cat. ever.)
I also used to have this recurring nightmare about a baby alligator who lived in our attic. My mom finally told me that she had a talk with the alligator mommy, and she’d apologized for her son and said he wouldn’t come to bother me anymore. I never had that dream again, so I guess that makes up for the giving away my kitten thing.
Erika
said,
January 3, 2007 at 2:22 pm
ROFL…Evan has that onesie (does it say “I love u” like, why couldn’t they spell out you?) and that funny box/handle toy on the left. You never see 2 girls babies with the same outfit, but Evan and Babboo have a lot of the same clothes and toys.
I believed when my mom took my favorite teddy to our hairdresser that he was getting his “mange” (as my mother called his bald spots) fixed. When what they were doing was replacing him. I also believed my dad had arm surgery when he actually had a vasectomy.
Anth
said,
January 5, 2007 at 6:45 am
My dad told us that if you turned the a/c all the way to High the car would explode. And I actually believed him for a while.
And now that I am an adult with my own car, I feel a little thrill of terror and excitement every time I turn the a/c to High.