King Friday - now with more rainDecember 15th, 2006 @ 7:01 am
first off, let me say for the record that i’m a generally nice person. and i’m constantly trying to be better.
in an effort to help me be a better person, i ask you, the driving population of seattle, to remember the following simple rules:
1.) if you see a long line of cars waiting to turn left, or right, and the other lane is pretty much empty, DO NOT drive up to the front of the line, and attempt to turn in. you, sir, are an asshole for doing this and should be stopped by police and beaten rodney king style.
2.) if you anticipate a turn at an upcoming light, and can see that there is a line forming, get in it ASAP. refer to rule one.
3.) if you are over 65 years of age, turn in your license at the DMV, and get a bus pass.
4.) if you have any of the following in your car:
an air freshener on the dashboard shaped like a robot or hello kitty extra gauges for ‘racing’ stuffed animals in the rear window you are a menace to the roadway and should also turn in your license, assuming you have one.
5.) don’t block the intersection. just don’t. if the light is yellow and there is no room for you on the other side of the intersection, wait the lousy 90 seconds until the light changes again and then go.
6.) if i’m in the lane next to you, and i’m following rule #5, under no circumstances should you move through the intersection and into my lane, behind the car in front of me. i’m waiting semi-patiently for room to free up, and you just took my room. i will honk at you, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
7.) have insurance or don’t drive. and if you are caught without insurance, you should be executed on the spot, your car set ablaze as a lesson to all other drivers on the road. people who drive without insurance are as bad as people who drink and drive.
and last, if you hear someone honking, it may be at you. you are probably driving in front of me. please do your best to translate my honk into one of the following categories:
- you look like you may be kinda hot, but i need to see your face to decide.
- you are driving too slow or disobeying one of the above rules.
- you are driving like you are not from this neighborhood, and you should go back.
- we are in a tunnel and i wanted to hear the horn echo.
if we could all abide by these simple courtesies, we will all be happier, mostly because i will be happier.
thanks for your support.
(it took me about an hour to drive what normally takes about 7 minutes last night. ugh.)
The King
Liza
said,
December 15, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Good think you had such a cutie to come home too!
Oh, and the baby’s cute too.
LaLa
said,
December 15, 2006 at 9:32 pm
You will be happy to know I don’t drive, and certainly not in Seattle!
anna
said,
December 15, 2006 at 10:28 pm
Do your shirts match? That is awesome. Thursday night NFL games should be banned.
anna
said,
December 15, 2006 at 10:29 pm
Do you guys have matching shirts? That is completely awesome. Don’t know if that’s the reason your drive home sucked or not, but Thursday night NFL games should be banned.
alyndabear
said,
December 16, 2006 at 2:33 am
Fweeee! The cuteness!
And I absolutely agree with every point - and find it really sad that drivers in Australia are just as bad as there.
Cutting in on lanes should be have severe, severe penalty enforced.
meritt
said,
December 16, 2006 at 2:01 pm
Ooooo I feel your pain. Saw a couple of those instances myself yesterday. However; I HOPE NO ONE LET THEM IN????? (The dude that drove to the front and then tried to cut in). Please please tell me he had to sit there forever because no one let him in…..
Lindsey
said,
December 16, 2006 at 3:23 pm
King, I totally agree with the rules of driving that you have so graciously laid out for all of humanity. Thank you. Maybe people will start following them because in Richmond, VA there are some crazy mo-fos out on the roads.
Christar
said,
December 18, 2006 at 7:36 am
Oh man am I with you! I have really bad road rage and I’ll admit it, but if it wasn’t for all the idiotic drivers out there then I wouldn’t have it!
My 3 absolute biggest pet peeves on driving are: (in order of annoyance level)
1. People who cut in front of me
2. People who don’t use their blinkers
3. People who weave in and out of traffic to go faster than everyone else.
Learn how to drive properly or get off the fetching road!
By the way, that picture is absolutely adorable! I love it!