‘Til death do us part?November 20th, 2006 @ 7:01 am
My cousin and his fiance girlfriend are in town this week. They originally planned this trip to come and see family for Thanksgiving and check out the plans for the small open house my aunt will be throwing them in Januaray after their December wedding (which is was scheduled to take place in a different state).
This trip to Washington was planned a while ago. Long before my cousin called off the wedding. To be fair the wedding wasn’t called off. My cousin just postponed the wedding. No future date has been set. I’m pretty sure that means there will be no wedding. I’m not sure that’s what they think it means, but that’s my take on it.
My aunt called me last week to inform me of the canceling of the wedding. She didn’t want me to say anything to my cousin and his bride girlfriend that might upset them further. You know, like ask her about her dress. Duh. How do you not talk to a bride about her upcoming wedding!
I really didn’t give this whole thing much thought. I mean, we hadn’t planned on flying out to the wedding (although my parents have bought plane tickets). And since there was going to be a small open house in January, I just had that date in my mind. But then I realized their wedding was schedule to take place in less than a month! Wow, that’s cutting it close.
Invitations haven’t gone out yet, but I’m sure they’re ordered. I haven’t seen her dress, but I’m sure she has it. I’m sure they have a place to live all staked out, and they know where they’re going on their honeymoon. I mean, less than a month away. Holy crap.
The whole thing make me just a little sick to my stomach.
Apparently my cousin is nervous. I don’t blame him. Getting married is a big deal. A very big deal. Getting cold feet happens all the time. My aunt told me he asked her if she had been nervous when she got married. She told him it was so long ago that she didn’t remember.
I remember when I got married. And I can assure you that I was nervous.
Both times I got married.
Nervous as hell.
That’s normal, right? I think it’s normal. Why my aunt can’t remember is beyond me. Maybe because it was over 20 years ago.
Sweet Babboo and I went to my aunt’s house this weekend to see my cousin and his lovely fiance girlfriend. I hadn’t met her before, so I anxious to hang out with them. She’s very nice. And sweet. And pretty. And seems to love my cousin to pieces.
She’s much nicer than I would be. If some guy I was engaged to canceled my wedding mere weeks before the date, I wouldn’t be all snuggled up to him on the couch. I wouldn’t take a week long trip to hang out with his family for Thanksgiving. I definitely wouldn’t be nice to his goofy cousin and her little baby. No matter how cute said baby was.
So either she’s a dreamboat of a fiance girlfriend, or I’m just not a very nice person.
I’m thinking it’s probably a little of both.
I’m hoping they work through whatever issues they are having. And I hope that they come to a mutual agreement as to what to do. I hope that they don’t feel pressured to get married just because plane tickets have been bought. Or because my aunt spent over $200 on custom M&M’s with their names and wedding date printed on them.
I mean that’s no reason to get married.
Do you have any good calling off the wedding stories to share? It seems like everyone at my work does. I’ve been listening to them all morning.
They're just my family
Jessie
said,
November 20, 2006 at 5:58 pm
I’ve never known anyone who called off a planned wedding, especially not that close to the actual date! I’ve had friends that have broken engagements, but there was no date set, and no one thought they’d actually go through with it anyway.
I don’t remember being nervous before my wedding. I was just really excited. Of course my husband and I had been living together for 2.5 years already, so we were really just making it official more than anything else.
HollowSquirrel
said,
November 20, 2006 at 6:22 pm
Leftover m&m’s? There are bigger problems than that. I can take care of them if she wants…
I was nervous, too, before the wedding.
Bunny
said,
November 20, 2006 at 6:43 pm
I have to say that I wasn’t nervous about being married, just nervous that the wedding would go as planned. I felt like a princess and like I was the most special girl in the whole world. I felt like out of all the girls in the world that my husband could have married, he picked me. And I felt so excited to be his wife. I have heard from people I know that have been married more than once that when it was wrong, they knew at the wedding. They knew something wasn’t right. But they went through with it anyway. I hope your cousin will figure out if he is sure this is what he wants to do. Because it would be so unfair to make that poor girl have to get over a bad marriage, not just a canceled wedding.
Ali
said,
November 20, 2006 at 6:48 pm
Hello Isabel! I read your blog and some others…I have never posted on any blog before but I have to comment on this post….My sister’s college roommate canceled her wedding TWO DAYS before the day of her wedding…it was going to be a huge event - 400 people…everything was already done, presents bought (and some already given!), plane tickets bought, downpayments made…can you imagine?? TWO DAYS!!
MK
said,
November 20, 2006 at 6:54 pm
I don’t have any juicy stories for you- sorry! I know people who have broekn up, but way before the planning. I know lots of people who were having 2nd thoughts, but plowed through and are now divorsed. sad.
I wasn;t nervous about getting arried, I only started getting nervous as the date got closer that things would go smoothly, that my family wouldn’t fight and a little about being the center of attention. I was always 100% sure that i was marring the right person and I was excited.
I am looking foward to the stories. I give your cousins girlfriend a lot of credit - i don;t know if I would be that cool about things.
Jennifer
said,
November 20, 2006 at 6:55 pm
I don’t have any calling it off stories…. but I hope every day that one of my best friends will call of her wedding. It’s planned for next Oct 27. Please cross your fingers. It’s just not right, and she knows it, but he asked, so she said yes, and oh my god they might actually get married.
I feel really bad for your cousin and his gf/ex-fiance. I feel like on the one hand, it’s better to call it off than to go through with something you know isn’t right. On the other hand.. if you know it’s not right, and know enough to call off the wedding, shouldn’t you just break up with the person? it seems very unfair to drag her along like that.
Frema
said,
November 20, 2006 at 7:18 pm
I would be p*ssed. Oh, man. Livid.
I guess I’m not very nice, either.
Also, in the days leading up to my wedding, I almost threw up several times, I was so nervous. Not about the wedding. About getting married. Even though Luke and I had been dating for years and living together for almost ten months. Nervous as hell.
Erika
said,
November 20, 2006 at 7:19 pm
I agree with Jennifer. I thought a cancelled wedding meant a break-up. I guess she is a better person than us after all.
I was too young to be nervous…I was MUCH more concerned about the actual wedding than about the actual marriage. J and I had already been together almost 4 years so at least I was only bout 95% clueless.
Erika
said,
November 20, 2006 at 7:19 pm
I meant to say “about”, not trying to be pretentious.
Carrisa
said,
November 20, 2006 at 7:36 pm
Future note to your aunt… just get their names on the M&M’s with no date… play it safe.
I have no good called it off stories to share, but my engagment was never ending and full of craziness.
Moved in together in year 2. Engaged in year 3. Having an open relationship by year 4. I moved out in year 5. Got married and finally moved back in together in year 7.
But I can say that we did what needed to be done to make sure we were doing the right thing. I married an awesome man and I can’t imagine any other guy in the world being as understanding as he was/is.
Good luck to your cousin!
Brittany
said,
November 20, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Ooooh! I have a good one to tell!! But I’ll e-mail it to you.
I was really nervous about my wedding because mine and Cody’s parents are divorced and remarried to other people, so I was worried that between all the step-families and ex-wives there would be some big drama. Fortunately they all behaved civilly on my behalf even though they all secretly despise each other.
Alison
said,
November 20, 2006 at 7:54 pm
I must admit that I was very nervous before my wedding. All day I COULD NOT SIT STILL, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, etc etc. But the wedding itself was perfect and wonderful. I just needed to GET THERE.
alyndabear
said,
November 20, 2006 at 8:07 pm
I don’t know any weddings that have been called off. But if they’ve spent all that money on things already like the dress, the invites.. wow, it would completely suck if it really doesn’t go ahead!
janet
said,
November 20, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Maybe I’m crazy, but I was not nervous at all about getting married. Probably because we had been living together for so long, like other people said.
I think your cousin’s gf sounds like she might have some doormat characteristics? If my fiance “postponed” the wedding that my parents had already paid for that close to the wedding, there is no way in hell I would be cuddling with him on the couch. But to each her own! I guess we can do nothing but wish people the best and really hope they do the right thing for themselves.
anna
said,
November 20, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Greg and I were both supposed to be in a wedding of 2 very close friends. 3 weeks before the wedding the bride called it off because she wasn’t ready for a commitment*.
7 months earlier, she had given the groom the ultimatum of giving her a ring or hitting the road. Invitations had been sent, bridesmaid dresses had been custom-made, deposits had been made. I can only imagine the feeling of having to contact everyone and tell them the wedding was off.
* Less than a year later she married someone else. So, she just failed to mention that it was a commitment to HIM specifically for which she wasn’t ready.
Della
said,
November 21, 2006 at 12:37 am
Shoulda called it off, but didn’t.
The night before my Valentines Day wedding, I prayed that God would give me a sign if I was doing the right thing. Let me preface this with, I was already pregnant and being pressured by the parents to “settle down”. The following morning I went to the hairdressers for my updo. The morning ended with me sitting in the emergency room in a button up shirt with a beautiful updo.
I have eight fingers and two thumbs. Which finger do you think I broke? Yep. I had to have my engagement ring sawed off. Smashed it in the car door as I left the hairdressers. I went through with the wedding and we both actually put our rings on the wrong ring fingers, me out of neccessity. I had a finger cast on a big frilly white bow on it courtesy of the nurses.
Looking back, the sign was there, I just didn’t bother to see it, plain as the nose on my face as it was. The marriage lasted two weeks before he bolted. I filed for divorce the day I got out of the hospital after giving birth to my gorgeous baby boy. Who, incidentally, just loves to watch me in the wedding video tell everyone what happened to my hand.
Chas
said,
November 21, 2006 at 1:21 am
Both weddings?? Am I missing something?
I don’t remember being nervous about my wedding. I may have been a little nervous about the ceremony and all that, but not about the actual marriage.
Our neighbor found out his fiance was cheating on him a month before the wedding, and they called it off. Everything was in order; it was insane.
angela
said,
November 21, 2006 at 2:38 am
Wow, I wish I had a good story to share, but I don’t know anyone who has called off their wedding. Just boring, plain old marriages happening around here.
As for being nervous on my wedding day, I’d say I was just mostly excited. I was kind of nervous about the little things, like saying my vows wrong or tripping down the aisle. But I was totally okay with the whole married to one person for eternity thing.
Durga
said,
November 21, 2006 at 10:24 am
Rejection means time for new direction away from current situation.
I think when it comes to thinking about marriage, uncertainty, unsure feelings mean it’s a NO.
I do know a couple who got to the alter and looked at each other and said “ummm naaa”. People still turned up to the reception to party on. The girl kept all the presents. Months later she was ready again to get back with him. Except he had met someone else and they married a year later and now have kids. She married someone else 6 years later (last year).
A good friend on mine broke off her engagement to her man 2 months ago. He was a manipulative so and so and none of us knew…plus they had planned a wedding inside THAT building and well they had done a few things they shouldn’t have. Guilt caught up to her and plus she realised he didn’t deserve her and he wasn’t who she aspired to be married to.
*sigh*
I was sad though. Coz I think she’s a wonderful girl.
LaLa
said,
November 21, 2006 at 11:36 am
Wow. Della’s story is amazing, and your cousin’s fiancee sounds amazing. And maybe your cousin is amazing for being strong enough to own up to doubts before the wedding?
My late, Great-Aunt was LEFT at the altar. As in left standing there, he never turned up. When my Mother married into my her family she gave Mum her complete trousseau. None of it had ever been worn. She died about 2 years ago, aged in her 80’s, still single.
It still makes me very sad that some man missed out on a very vibrant, loving, vivacious woman.
Rachel
said,
November 21, 2006 at 4:07 pm
I’ve never know anyone that called off their wedding. I was nervous as hell before my wedding to my 1st husband and that should’ve been my red flag. When I married my current husband, I wasn’t nervous at all, in fact, I was so excited I just couldn’t wait or stop smiling.
Christar
said,
November 22, 2006 at 12:24 am
Nope, don’t know of any weddings that have been called off. I know of some that SHOULD have been called off, or still should, I should say. I think it’s so ridiculous how some people (mainly girls) spend so much time and energy on just wanting to get married. It’s ridiculous. It makes it even worse when girls try to pressure or trick their boyfriends into marrying them. What is wrong with these girls?!
I say, if it’s meant to happen it will happen. No need to rush into things or marry the wrong person, cuz all that will lead to is divorce.
hola, isabel » Blog Archive » It’s happened again
said,
July 11, 2007 at 3:56 pm
[…] Remember how my cousin called of his wedding last December? I never really found out what the story was. All I know is it had something to do with him thinking she was “high maintenance”. I have no idea what has since happened to his fiance girlfriend ex-girlfriend. Last I heard her mother told my cousin to stop calling her. (You know how boys like to keep calling you after they dump you, just to make sure you’re still around? Yeah, he was doing that.) […]