An Open Letter to my Company’s Projector, Which I BorrowedNovember 10th, 2006 @ 7:01 am
Dear Projector:
Let’s just cut right to the chase. I hate you. I hate your little lens cap. I hate your handy carrying case. I hate your remote controlled laser pointer. I hate your simple instruction. I especially hate the cord thingy that connects you to my laptop. Mostly I hate that part because it is broken.
You could have told me it was broken before I spent over an hour trying to figure it out. And then before The King spent an hour also trying to figure it out. Our time is valuable.
You are a little tease. You tricked us into thinking you worked. After multiple cord jiggles and refreshes, you projected a beautiful picture of Babboo onto our apartment wall. It was magical. It was huge. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.
When I packed you up last night to take to my Church, I was confident you would work. Heck, you had worked so nicely the night before. I set up my laptop with my ultra fabulous PowerPoint presentation. The presentation that I had spent over 5 hours putting together. The same PowerPoint presentation that my entire 45 minute presentation was based on. I had screen shots and quotes and awesomely corny pictures of kids. See, ultra corny:
You let me down. Down so hard that I might have sworn a little. Inside the Church building. And maybe not even under my breath. You left me to stand alone in front of a crowd of women. Women who had taken time out of their lives to hear me teach them about teaching kids (me, teaching? HA!!!). I had about 7 minutes to try to come up with a Plan B. A Plan B I had never even though of coming up with.
Damn you, stupid projector and your stupid damn broken plug thingy. I hate you. I hate you with a thousands hate. I spit on you. You are a disgrace to office supplies. You and your stupid remote controlled laser light should be shunned. You should be taken out to a field and put out of your misery.
Then maybe I would feel just a little better about things. But for now, I need to figure out what in the poop I’m going to do with this awesome PowerPoint presentation I made. Let me know if you hear of anyone needing a presentation on how to expect appropriate behavior in children. Because dude, I’ve got an awesome one they can use.
Just remember to tell them that your stupid cord thingy doesn’t work. You jackass.
I spit on you,
Isabel
Work · Churchy Stuff
Rachael
said,
November 10, 2006 at 5:31 pm
I love open letters. It’s too bad that you’re up a creek, but this was one good letter.
HollowSquirrel
said,
November 10, 2006 at 6:22 pm
Argh noooooo betrayed by a projector!!! The horror! I’m so sorry!!
It definitely needs a beatdown of the Michael Bolton variety.
Brittany
said,
November 10, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Wow! That was intense. Will you be okay?
Jennifer
said,
November 10, 2006 at 7:44 pm
Man, and you even tested it out the night before. That’s one evil projector.
Just one more reason why I don’t trust technology.
Frema
said,
November 10, 2006 at 8:48 pm
That looks like one great PowerPoint presentation. That projector is dead to me for bailing on you. Not that the projector and I have ever met, but still. Dead to me.
Also, I love Office Space. You rock for posting that picture.
Durga
said,
November 11, 2006 at 7:17 am
thats sux..
bloddy technology…so unrealiable.
hey doesn’t your chapel have a projector and a thing where u can plug your laptop?
angela
said,
November 11, 2006 at 9:11 pm
There must be some sort of conspiracy going on amongst the inanimate objects in our lives, because on Friday morning I also posted hate mail to a few annoying things I’ve encountered. Either they are all in some sort of rebellious union together, or else you and I just think a lot alike.
I think your projector definitely deserves a good tongue-lashing though. I can’t believe it would leave you in such an awkward position, especially when you are trying to be a good person by speaking to a group of women in a church!
hola, isabel » You can be my hero, baby
said,
November 13, 2006 at 7:01 pm
[…] Last week he showed up at the Church in an effort to help me with the damned projector that never worked. […]
hola, isabel » Love this, hate that
said,
January 31, 2007 at 5:18 pm
[…] Loving: this post from HollowSquirrel. Which proves that her PowerPoint skills are far greater than mine. […]