Let’s pretend for a minuteSeptember 25th, 2006 @ 7:02 am
Let’s just say that I went out to dinner with two of my girlfriends this weekend. Sans kids. And let’s pretend that one of them, Smelly (not her real name, nor does she smell) met me at the door to the restaurant with a very large and very pink photo album of her latest trip back east to visit family.
And then let’s pretend Smelly made us look at all of the pictures of her 2 year old and her sister’s 2 year old on said trip. For instance, pictures of them at the beach. And pictures of them at the petting zoo. And pictures of them on the carousel at the petting zoo prior to going to the beach.
It sounds exciting right? I mean, if this really happened.
Who am I fooling, of course this happened. And it was fine until I got to the pictures of them in New York and Smelly proceeded to tell me how cool they were and how much fun they had in New York, blah, blah, blah.
I saw a picture of them in Times Square and I told Smelly about when we were in Times Square last summer and how cool we thought it was to just be there.
And then it hit me; Smelly doesn’t even realize that we were in NYC last summer. Or Mexico for that matter. Or Europe. And it wasn’t because I hadn’t told her. She knew we went. She just didn’t know we went. (Does that make any sense at all?)
I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s just was so bothersome to me that here I was looking through her million of pictures and she has never once asked me about any of my trips. I even mentioned how we had just been in LA a few weeks ago and she didn’t say anything about it. Not a simple, “how was the weather?” or “how did Babboo like the beach?” NOTHING. But here I was saying things like, “you guys look like you had fun at the petting zoo.”
Kill me now.
I hate to even bring this up here. It makes me look like such a shallow person. But I’m not. I promise. I’m just hurt that Smelly really doesn’t want to be a part of my life. And that to her, everything is a competition.
A competition that I am (clearly) not winning.
They're just my friends
Audrey
said,
September 25, 2006 at 4:34 pm
That kind of thing really gets to me, too. There are some people with whom I constantly feel like I’m putting out all the effort. I’ll ask how their weekend was and they’ll go into a long, detailed account of everything they did without once asking how my weekend was. Didn’t that kind of thing used to count as common courtesy? It’s not like I’m just sitting waiting for them to stop talking so I can talk about myself (although sometimes that’s what i feel like they’re doing); it’s just that I have expressed interest in their life and I think it would only be polite for them to reciprocate.
Debbie
said,
September 25, 2006 at 5:33 pm
I just started reading you blog and love it! I love that you’re addicted to tv just as much as I am!
Anyway, I really hate it when someone who is supposed to be a good friend 1.)tells me the same story over and over again or 2.)asks me a question that I’ve already answered multiple times (i.e. where we’re going on vacation). I take the time to remember things that people tell me, and if I forgot, I’m genuinely sorry. I just hate that other people don’t do the same for me.
Jennifer
said,
September 25, 2006 at 5:46 pm
I was reading some of your archives last week, and I just read that very entry about people not asking about your vacations.
Dude, that sucks. Sounds like one of those “toxic friends”, as Dr. Phil would say. At least you’ve recognized her for what (and who) she is, so you can be less disappointed when she continues to be completely inattentive to your life.
janet
said,
September 25, 2006 at 6:34 pm
How about, “a competition you don’t even want to be playing in!” Yes, friendships like that kinda stink. Hopefully you don’t have to see her too often.
Christar
said,
September 25, 2006 at 7:06 pm
I’m sorry, that sucks. I know exactly how that feels, because I have a few relatives who think everything is a competition. It’s rediculous.
Lizzie P
said,
September 25, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I don’t have any friends like that.
Does that mean that *I* am that girl???
Crap.
anna
said,
September 25, 2006 at 7:53 pm
Oh man, I just realized… how WAS your vacation?
Unfortunatly, I would drive Debbie crazy. I have been known to ask the same question a few times. Not because I don’t care enough to not pay attention, but because I just can’t keep facts straight
.
Molly
said,
September 25, 2006 at 8:48 pm
In no way does that make you sound shallow. Wanting someone to be interested in your life? That’s what everyone wants. Sorry that you’re not getting anything in return for your friendship to her. Sounds like she’s a tad self centered, eh?
Carrisa
said,
September 25, 2006 at 9:22 pm
Going to Europe twice in one year is quite a big deal. She sucks for not wanting to hear all about it. Or at least look at photos.
Shame on Smelly… whose name is totally Shelly and gets Smelly because she’s mean! Right?
Hilary
said,
September 25, 2006 at 9:32 pm
It does sound like she is self centered and also maybe a bit jealous of your life and all of you trips which is why she’s so competitive and why she feels the need to shove her pictures in your face and never once ask if you have any for her to look at from your vacations.
And LizzieP is totally that girl. Gosh, she sucks. (I’m totally kidding. I lurve her.)
Lisa B
said,
September 25, 2006 at 10:03 pm
Don’t think that makes you sound shallow at all. I’m with Hilary.
But maybe she has short term memory probs and forgot to ask? I dunno.
Jenny
said,
September 25, 2006 at 11:29 pm
I have a “friend” just like this. Sadly, it’s a lost cause to get her to see it.
So how was your trip to Europe? Pictures?
shellynoir
said,
September 25, 2006 at 11:34 pm
Oh, man, I’m so sorry. Ever since I got my MBA from SnuutieU the only thing I can digest is Powerpoint presentations. My Bad.
Lizzy
said,
September 25, 2006 at 11:54 pm
I’ve tried really hard to be the bigger person in a similar situation–that I’ve not yet blogged about, but just may.
But how can you be the bigger person when the other person wouldn’t even notice?
In my particular instance, my friend has her head shoved far up her arse, she’d never notice if her friend since she was 3 years HAD A BABY BOY SIX MONTHS AGO.
I reconcile it this way: I don’t have enough time to hang out with the people I like and who want to be involved in my life, let alone time to chase after the self-involved, no matter how long we’ve been friends.
Cold hearted beyotch, I am. And I’m okay with that.
Nonetheless, it hurts all the same.
ramblingmuse
said,
September 26, 2006 at 8:22 am
Oh, I know how that goes. There are some friends where I know I put in a lot more effort and ask more questions than others. I guess you just have accept that she probably won’t change and then it’s really up to you how you want to handle that relationship going forward.
HollowSquirrel
said,
September 26, 2006 at 1:03 pm
I’m with rambling muse– she won’t change. Booooo bad friend. Can you let her go, or does she “come along with” your other (better) friend?
Fraulein N
said,
September 26, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Nah, it doesn’t make you sound shallow. It just makes you sound human.
shellynoir
said,
September 27, 2006 at 1:13 am
I just noticed that you have a comment counter. Too cool!
Frema
said,
October 4, 2006 at 5:59 am
When I talked to my sister-in-law for the first time after my aunt’s funeral, she spent the first ten minutes describing her daughter’s cold. She ended the conversation by inviting Luke and I to attend a zoo outing with her family. “We really should get together more,” she said. “As you know, there may not be a tomorrow.”
So sensitive.